Ring in the New Year With an Engagement!

Hey guys -- If you have a special person in your life and you're thinking of popping the question, why not do it on New Years Eve? It will be one evening you and your fiancee will never forget! Maybe you can't afford the most expensive diamond in the world (pictured), but you can still get beautiful engagement rings on the Internet at http://www.solomonbrothers.com/. They have a huge selection and some of the finest gems and rings you'll ever encounter. So why not make 2009 the best year of your life, fellas. You know who you are. You're gonna get it done because you have to get it done!

Will the Drag-u-la Rise From the Dead?

Growing up as a kid watching the '60s CBS TV show The Munsters, I fell in love with the cars featured in the series. The most famous of these was the Munster family car – the Koach --but I always had an affinity for the Drag-u-la.

The Drag-u-la (driven by Grandpa) was a funkadelic dragster with a laid-back, hippy vibe. The Wayans Brothers are currently producing (but not starring in) a remake of the popular series. Surely, they’ll bring back the famous Koach, but will they also resurrect (or re-design) the Drag-u-la? I vote “yes!” Basically a coffin on wheels, the Drag-u-la appeared in just one Munsters episode (Hot Rod Herman) and in one of the two Munster movies (Munster Go Home) in 1966.

The vehicle had a fiberglass body molded from a real coffin and featured a bubble canopy and a purple velvet interior. The body sat on a dragster-type tube frame, and accessories on the Drag-u-la included organ pipe exhausts, a drag parachute, air scoop and racing slicks. Grandpa (Al Lewis), a vampire, owned the vehicle. Designed by George Barris, who also built the Koach and the Batmobile, the Drag-u-la was classically eerie in appearance, but was also the real thing and packed some horsepower punch, supplied by a 350 hp Ford Mustang Engine.

Will this amazing vehicle make a scary comeback next year? We’ll keep you informed.

To see more of my automotive postings, visit. www.carreview.com.

The Mummy: Fun to Watch, but Not That Scary

I can't stand the new horror films that they're making today. They're gross, bloody and the story lines are terrible. Whatever happened to the classic old monster-driven horror movies, like the Werewolf, Frankenstein, Phantom of the Opera, Dracula and the Mummy. Well, maybe not the Mummy. That is one old horror film that I look back at now and can see that it was pretty lame. I was watching it the other day in my buddy's home theater, and at today's standards, it looks pretty lame. For one, the Mummy moves at about 1 mile per hour, shuffling along at a snail's pace. But when he approaches his victims, do they run away? No, they just stand there screaming, frozen in place, so that the Mummy can just amble up and strangle them. C'mon..make it a little more plausible than that!

Buzz Building Over New Green Hornet Car

With the new Green Hornet movie in pre-production (release date 2010; screenplay by Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg) everyone is starting to talk about the car that will be featured in the film. Rumors are flying around about who will design it, who will build it and what it will look like.
If you’re over 45 years old (like me) you probably remember the Green Hornet TV series, which unfortunately only lasted one season (1966-67) and starred Van Williams as the Green Hornet and the legendary Bruce Lee as his sidekick Kato. The Green Hornet radio show debuted in 1936 and in 1940 the stinging superhero hit the comic book stands for the first time.
The Green Hornet’s vehicle was called the Black Beauty. The Green Hornet (newspaper owner Britt Reid by day) kept the car hidden under his garage floor, suspended upside down with steel clamps. With one push of a button, the floor would flip, positioning the car right side up and ready for action. After he and Kato jumped in, The Green Hornet always said his famous catch phrase, “Let’s Roll, Kato!”
The Black Beauty was a Chrysler Crown Imperial with an amazing arsenal, including rocket launchers; smoke guns; an oil gun in the rear; headlights that change from standard lights to special infrared green lights; a mortar; a flying deployable scanner containing a closed circuit TV monitor; a license plate that flips; a tack sweeper to remove sharp objects before they puncture the tires; and a broom to cover the vehicle’s tracks. The car was built and designed by Dean Jeffries, who also designed the Mantaray, which was featured in the film Bikini Beach Party. Both the Black Beauty and the Manta Ray are currently on display at the Peterson Automotive Museum in Los Angeles.
It is anticipated that the 2010 Black Beauty will have many new high-tech, state-of-the-art features. But, right now, no one is talking. I’ve heard rumors that several car companies, including Mitsubishi, are working on possible designs to pitch to the film’s producers. We’ll keep you in the loop and give you all of the new buzz as it comes in.

If They Had Only Had Good Diet Pills Back Then...

If they had the diet pill technology 15 years ago that they have now, a lot of people may not have been quite so fat. That's because nowadays, they make diet pills that work without bad side effects or adverse results. If people like Jabba the Hut and those fat mini bike riding twins (pictured) had only known about these breakthrough new diet pills, maybe they wouldn't have had the weight problems they had back then and would still be alive today. You never know. One thing is for sure -- these new diet pills are safer, better and certainly more effective.

Promo Items are Recession-Proof

When the economy gets rocky like it is right now, you need to come up with new, smart, innovative ways to market your business. That's where promotional items enter the picture. Promo items can pay for themselves quickly, because they get your name out there and act as brand ambassadors for your products or services. Pens, hats, mugs--they've all been done a lot, mainly because they're highly effective and will give you a top return on your investment. But, there are also a lot of other promotional items that are unusual that you can use to promote your company. Take a long look at promo items right now. You'll be happy you did!

The Rat Pack is Back!

I was having a great dream the other night. I was staying at the Sands, an old-school classic Vegas hotel. I was kicking back in the High Rollers Suite when there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Two Italians, one bad comic, a Limey and a one-eyed hoofer," the voice on the other side of the door said. I knew instantly that it was Frank Sinatra. His phrasing was perfect.

Suddenly, the Rat Pack was in the room. They were rough housing and obviously drunk.

"You up for a wild night?" Frank asked.

"Well, uh, what did you fellas have in mind?" I replied.

"Booze, broads and hoprfully breakfast. You know, the usual," Dean offered.

"Yeah, cat--let's groove and let the cards fall where they may," Sammy chimed in.

"Well, how do I know you're real? This is a dream, after all." I was skeptical for obvious reasons.

"Will this help convince you?" Frankie asked as he handed me a Jack Daniels Manhattan, his favorite cocktail when he wasn't downing it straight.

I took a sip from the glass and it tasted good. What the heck, I thought. I've always wondered what it might be like to party with the Rat Pack.

"Let's roll, Daddy-O," Dino pleaded. "I've got a blonde waiting for me down at the craps table."

They exited the room and were gone as quickly as they had appeared. Oh well, I thought--They probably would have out-partied me anyway.

Don't Gnocch It 'Til You've Tried It: Firenze By Night

The North Beach section of San Francisco has some of the most famous Italian restaurants in the country. Words like “authentic”, “old school” and “home style” come to mind when you talk about North Beach Italian cuisine. Just walking through North Beach is a wonderful experience—it’s like NY/SF meets Italy. With Italian bakeries, delis, pizzerias and trattorias on every block, the sights, smells and sounds of this quaint little neighborhood are a delight for all the senses.

The other night, we visited North Beach to dine at Firenze by Night, one of the most renowned Italian eateries in all of San Francisco. Known for their award-winning gnocchi, Firenze by Night makes you feel at ease the minute you walk in.

The layout of the restaurant consists of two small rooms—one features a bar seating roughly eight people and the other is a modest dining room. The décor is home style Italian; all of the servers are from the Big Boot; and the dishes fly out of the tiny kitchen fresh and fast.
Since this was our first visit to Firenze by Night, we decided that we just had to sample their famous gnocchi. For those who don’t know, gnocchi is basically a small potato dumpling. It has the texture and flavor of a piece of very al dente pasta. One of the best things about a good gnocchi is that it absorbs any sauce accompanying it.

The gnocchi at Firenze by Night has won first place in the “Best of North Beach” contest for two consecutive years. The legendary San Francisco Chronicle columnist Herb Caen described it as “So Italian, you need a passport.” It’s perfectly formed by hand, skillfully prepared with a wide range of amazing tomato and cream sauces, and simply served. Its true beauty is in its simplicity. In a culinary world where chefs are always showing off their cooking “skills” by serving complex dishes containing 50 ingredients, the gnocchi at Firenze by Night features a no-nonsense approach. Why mess with the ingredients when the flavors do a stellar job all by themselves?

So, we had the Gnocchi Firenze, their signature dish, and we weren’t disappointed to say the least. Described as “potato dumplings in a light tomato sauce”, this is the best gnocchi I’ve ever had. The sauce complemented the gnocchi and didn’t over power it. The gnocchi itself had the perfect texture and topped with parmesan cheese, it was comforting and satisfying.

We also had the Paperdelle Toscana (large noodles in rabbit sauce); Cappellini Pomodoro e Basilico (angel hair in tomato basil sauce); and Gamberoni Pesacatore (jumbo prawns with calamari in a white wine sauce). Other dishes we saw coming out of the busy kitchen included Firenze’s Maiale alla Maremmama (pork scaloppini with garlic, sun-dried tomatoes and a white wine sauce); and Quaglie al Barolo (quail in a Barolo wine sauce).

To kick off meal with a bang, we had two amazing appetizers—a Carpaccio (paper-thin slices of raw fillet of beef) and the Antipasti Della Casa (consisting of all kinds of cold cuts, cheeses, pickled vegetables, homemade buffalo mozzarella and more).

Firenze by Night, 1429 Stockton Street, San Francisco, CA 94133 (415) 392-8585 (Open M-F for dinner only)

Glad to See You Again!

Every once in awhile a guy by the name of Gladiator Joe enters my dreams. He's from the days of the Romans and he's a really good, yet highly misunderstood person. We talk about his concerns, my dreams, his beliefs and my life and it's always a very educational experience for both of us.

He tells me what it was like to be a gladiator back in his time and I relate to him how it is to live in 2008. I try to answer his questions about cars (I call them "motorized chariots") TV ("a box that glows and shows pictures") and the Internet ("a smaller box full of fairly useless information") and he gives me his opinions about fighting lions, chasing wenches, drinking wine and killing Christians. It's always a very wide ranging and highly entertaining conversation every time he does a cameo in my dreams.

Last night he showed up while I was playing tennis with Arthur Ashe. We took a break so I could talk to him.

"Hey, Joe, what do you know?"

"I'm fine, Edmund. How are you today?"

"Thanks for showing up when you did, Joe. Ashe was kicking my butt."

"What is this game you're playing?" Joe inquired.

"It's called tennis."

"Does the loser die in this contest of skill?"

"Uh, no--it's not that kind of game."

"Oh."

"What's wrong, Joe? I see you're limping. Did you try to mix it up with another Gaul again?"

"No, I hurt my foot running from a tiger in the pit."

"That'll do it every time."

"Do you know anything about foot pain, Citizen Edmund?" Joe was always looking for modern-day medical advice.

"Where's it hurt?"

Joe pointed to the bottom of his right foot.

"That might be waht they call Plantar Fasciitis," I offered.

"Plantar what?"

"It's a very painful foot condition in the heel and arch area. I had it once. Let me do a little research on the condition and I'll let you know what I've learned the next time you appear in one of my dreams."

"Thank you Edmund--I'm always able to rely on your expansive knowledge, You would have surely been a great and respected ruler if you had lived in my time."

"No doubt, Joe. And one more thing--please call me Ed. Only my parents call me Edmund."

And with that, Gladiator Joe exited from my dream as quickly as he had appeared.

Punking People on Craigs List

I am so tired of some of the Help Wanted ads I find on Craigs list every day. What really gets my goat is when I see these postings where companies require a wide range of very specific qualifications, all the way from whether or not a person has a sense of humor, how many kids they have or what kind of car they drive.

These are employers that want to get deep into your life. They might as well move in next door .Yet, in most cases, they’re offering below-market wages for all these qualifications they require. Then, after they hire you, they’ll undoubtedly work you like a dog and make your life miserable.

And it’s been getting worse lately because we’re in a recession and employers can make candidates jump through more hoops than ever before. They’re so many unemployed people out there and competition for jobs is so fierce that they can get away with it and it makes me ill.

Today I saw a posting for an entry-level sales position, in which a search firm was asking for ridiculous qualifications. Somewhere in the ad they said that they were looking for a person who was in a fraternity or sorority and played intramural sports. What on earth does that have to do with being a good entry-level salesman? So, I decided to punk them a little bit. I sent the company this e-mail as a reply to their posting. They want a frat boy? Well, I gave them one:

I read your posting and feel as though I fit all the very specific criteria you've so skillfully outlined.
Some things about me you should know and embrace:
-I was the starting QB on my school's intramural frat football squad. We won it all 6 years straight!
-I was a stud with all the sorority babes--Alpha Phi, Delta Gamma, even some of the less-ugly Chi-O's--I hit it all and often.
-I earned a 3.75 GPA over a 13-semester period.
-I worked my way through college as one of the best bookies on campus.
-I had sex with three of my hotter professors. (and got A's in all 3 classes!)
-I didn't do any drugs, although I must admit I did my share of drinking. (4-times 200 Club)
-I was only arrested once and the charges were eventually reduced.
-I was Homecoming King in 2002. Won the IFC pancake eating contest in 2002-03 and appeared in the background of a Girls Gone Wild video in Cabo in 2004 during Spring Break!

As you can see, I'm a winner and a top-tier individual who is driven and focused on the prize. I think I'm an ideal match for this job. Maybe we can get together for a couple beers after Turkey Day and discuss the position? There used to be a kicking strip club down there called the Brass Rail--maybe we can meet there.
I am already in serious discussions with several Fortune 500 companies, so you better act fast!

I’ve decided to do a book called “Punking People on Craigs list.” Keep an eye out for it in coming months!

Skinny (But Healthy) is Baaaaaaaack!

Back in the '60s, it was very popular to be thin. Twiggy (pictured) was one of the top fashion models in the entire world, because she was beautiful and skinny, without being too much so. Now, in 2008 (soon to be '09) being skinny (but not unhealthy) is once again cool. That's why you should consider Anoretix--it's an amazing new diet solution that will take you to Planet Thin. It's a proven powerful fat burner/metabolic booster that contains 9 patented weight loss ingredients. Get there and be aware (show you care) abotu getting thin and healthy. Take a look at Anoretix today!!

Think about Wilmington, Californians!

Even though the economy is going through a tough time now, prices in California are still sky high. Sure, home prices are plummeting, but everything else you need to survive--like food, gas, services and more--are through the roof! That's why it's a good time for California residents to start thinking about Wilmington NC real estate. Wilmington, North Carolina is a beautiful place to live, with awesome golf courses, wonderful conutryside and real Southern charm. The people who love there are really nice too--not rude and extremely self-absorbed like most of the folks in San Francisco. Consider Wilmington; do a little research about the area and you'll be happy you did!

I Love Alli!

I was talking to my neighbor Kevin. He's one of those people who embraces life but hasn't a clue. He's like a big dog who jumps up on you enthusiastically, but can also pee on the carpet if given the opportunity (and a few beers). We like to discuss trivial things like sports and entertainment. We stay away from politics and religion, because he's a Rush Limbaugh fan and I lean more toward not caring one way or the other, which annoys him to no end.

I was trying to explain to him how happy I was with my new diet pill called alli.

"Man, I love alli," I said.

"You mean, Muhammad Ali? The greatest boxer ever? The man who flew like a butterfly and stung like a bee? That Ali?"

"Uh, no, Kevin...I..."

"Oh, then you must mean his daughter, Laila Ali. Man, that girl is a great fighter, just like her old man, she..."

"Uh, no, not Laila either, Kevin. I'm talking about..."

He interrupted me for the third time. How dare he interrupt me when I'm interrupting him.

"Oh, then you must be referring to Ali McGraw. Wasn't it sad when her character died in Love Story? I saw that movie when I was a kid and I cried..."

"Not her, either," I said, tiring of this guessing game from hell.

"I'm talking about alli, with 2 l's. It's a great diet pill that I've been taking and I love it. No jitters. No side effects. And the weight is coming off like gangbusters."

"Oh," Kevin said sullenly.

We both went back into our respective houses, no wiser and a little more confused.

My Interview with Former Major Leaguer Nate Oliver

I have interviewed almost 50 retired major league baseball players throughout the years and few have made me feel as comfortable as Nate Oliver. A soft-spoken and extremely articulate man, I have talked to him on several occasions after meeting with him initially in early 2005. His stories of his years as a player and a coach are both fascinating and candid.

Nate is the son of Jim Oliver Sr., who had played in the Negro Leagues. James Oliver Field in St. Petersburg, named after Nate's father, was the first field to be refurbished under the Tampa Bay Devil Rays Field Renovation Programs. Nate's brother, Jim, also played professional baseball.
Nate was signed by the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1959. He hit just .224 for the Green Bay Blue Jays and Fox Cities Foxes that year. In 1960, he hit .329 for the Great Falls Electrics and appeared ever so briefly for the St. Paul Saints. He played in the minors for the Spokane Indians in 1961-65 and in 1967, topping .300 in '62-'63. He came up to the majors for the first time in 1963, a year the Dodgers won the World Series. He appeared in 65 games, playing primarily second base, and hitting .239. He did not play in the World Series that year.
The next year, in 1964 at age 23, Nate had his most at-bats in the major leagues, getting 321 at-bats in 99 games. He hit .243 with 9 doubles and stole 7 bases.
In 1965 he appeared in only 8 games with the Dodgers, but in 1966 he played in 80 games with a .193 average. He appeared in game 4 of the World Series as a pinch-runner.
In 1967, his batting average improved to .237 in 77 games. In the off-season, he was traded to the San Francisco Giants in the deal involving Ron Hunt and Tom Haller. He appeared in only 36 games in 1968, hitting .178/.189/.205.
In the off-season before 1969, he was traded to the Yankees, and played one game with them before they traded him to the Cubs, where he finished out his career in 44 games hitting .159.In 1989, Oliver managed the Arizona League Angels, and in 1990-91 he was at the helm of the Palm Springs Angels. In 1998, Oliver managed the Arizona League Cubs and in 1999 managed the Daytona Cubs, and in 2000 was a roving infield instructor in the Cubs organization. In 2003, he took over the managerial reins of the Saskatoon Legends of the Canadian Baseball League in mid-season from Ron LeFlore.
In 2006-07 Nate was the bunting instructor for the Chicago White Sox organization.

On former Cubs teammate Ron Santo: “I cannot believe this man is not in the Hall of Fame. If you look at what Ronnie has done-he won 8 Gold Gloves, he was in 6 or 8 all-star games, he has 378 home runs, he might still have the best fielding percentage of any third baseman, I think he still holds that record. He was no average Joe. He was an outstanding player. He was our team captain. I don’t know what else they want the guy to do.”

On the Cubs fans: “Oh, Jesus. Everybody always talks about the Cardinals fans, the Yankees fans, the Red Sox fans, but the Chicago Cubs fans to me were the very best. They were the greatest. Until this year (2004) I had never heard them boo one of their own players, but this year I did hear them boo Sammy (Sosa) which was sad. I thought I heard them boo Sammy this last season. But, as a rule, they never booed their own players. They were just unbelievably supportive. But, I don’t need to tell you that, because wherever you go, you see Cubs fans. It’s like it was with the Red Sox fans. You’d see them everywhere-praying, dreaming, hoping. And now that the Red Sox have won it all, people are starting to say that it must be the Cubs’ time. If they don’t win it within the next six years, it will be a century of no championships for the Cubs.”

On the Dodgers in the ‘60s: “The Dodgers were known around the league as a very arrogant team at that time. People said they were very conceited, but it wasn’t that at all. They were just really confident and people misinterpreted that as arrogance. It was instilled in them from the first day with the organization and the people who played there respected the tradition and fostered it. Every year, there was only goal and that was to get to the World Series. Everything else was second best.”

The famous Roseboro, Marichal fight: “We had Johnny Roseboro, probably the most respected guy on that team, because he was such a tremendous student of the game and when he spoke, regardless of who was in the room, everybody listened, because everything he said was profound. Marichal and Roseboro were probably two of the most respected men in baseball. They were also the two most competitive people in sports, period. They were also two of the nicest guys you’d ever want to meet, in terms of being human beings and in terms of being gentlemen. If you recall or have heard the story, because of that fight and the fact than Juan hit Johnny with the bat, Marichal was having some initial problems getting into the Hall of Fame. And it was Roseboro who made the phone call to the powers-that-be and said ‘are you kidding, this is one of the greatest pitchers the game has ever seen.’ That was an isolated incident between two clubs who did not like each other and it was part of that rivalry between the Giants and the Dodgers.”

The self-managed Dodgers of 1963: “Junior Gilliam was essentially the manager on the field. He had no problem taking on that role. If a pitcher was in trouble out there and something was going awry, Gilliam would step up immediately and act as the manager. Our pitching coach Red Adams would only come running out if he saw something mechanically wrong with the pitcher. Because if a pitcher fell behind; if he was wild or his concentration level wasn’t there, it would be Gilliam that would call time and walk over to the mound. All our manager Walter Alston had to do was sit there and push buttons, because we had so many guys like Gilliam, Maury Wills, Jim Lefebvre and Roseboro who were such tremendous students of the game of baseball.”

On teammate Maury Wills: “He was so valuable to that Dodgers team, because when he got on base, everybody knew he was going to steal. You can’t imagine how exciting it was to hear 55,000 people at Dodger stadium yelling ‘Go! Go!’. If 55,000 people knows he’s going to go, then you know the opposing team certainly knows it. But, it didn’t matter, because they couldn’t stop him. He was going to go within the first three pitches; they just didn’t know when. What Wills did was create havoc for the other team. He got more fastballs for me and anyone else who batted behind him in the lineup. He also drew the infielders in because of his speed. And he kept the defense on edge at all times, which basically means that they were distracted and out of position. As a result, ground balls that would normally have been routine infield outs are now going through as base hits, because they’re defending Wills and not defending the hitter. He did so many things just by being so aggressive and by being the greatest base stealer I ever saw.”

Playing Golf with the Two Babes

I had another strange dream last night. I was playing golf with Babe Ruth and Babe Didrickson and they were taking turns kicking my derriere. I am not what you call even a decent golfer, but I usually can at least win when I'm dreaming.

Babe Ruth birdied the fifth hole and Didrickson eagled the sixth. I double-bogeyed both of them.

I hope we're not playing for money, I thought.

"Hey, keed, ya play like a duffer. Isn't this supposed to be YOUR dream?" The Bambino was needling me.

"Yeah, that's pretty pathetic. We're skunking you and you're supposed to be calling the shots." Didrickson said. "Not only are you getting spanked by a girl and a fat guy, but we've both been dead for more than 50 years."

"Make that 70, Babe, at least for me." the Sultan of Swat replied.

"That's right, Babe." Didrickson said. "I forgot that you've been gone that long."

"But, I can still smack the ball, uh?"

"No doubt," Babe said to Babe.

"And you have the advantage of using superior equipment. Just think how good we'd be able to play back then with the new clubs and balls these pros use today. Take the Cobra golf drivers and irons, for instance." Ruth was making a point while smoking a cigar and eating a hot dog.

"Exactly big boy. Cobra makes precision clubs featuring dual weighting systems, a large face area, and maraging steel free inserts. Their fastback crown design and custom sole are state-of-the-art." Didrickson said.

"Honey, can you imagine how good we'd be if we had Cobra golf clubs way back then?"

"Aww, forget about it! Tiger Woods would be carrying my bag."

Both Babes threw back their heads and laughed heartily. Ruth even sprayed a little mustard on my nice golf sweater.

I woke up-sweating profusely and 12 strokes down.

Those French Know Their Toast

The other day I had an opprtunity to sample one of the most decadent dishes on the planet. It's called French toast casserole and it's not for the weak of heart. Imagine stuffed French toast meets macaroni and cheese meats sugary sweet euphoria. It's a daibetic coma just waiting to happen, but it is so tasty and wonderful that it cannot be resisted. It's breakfast and dessert in a union that is so wrong I don't wanna be right. The flavors, the textures, the options (you can really put anything you want in it, from bacon to fresh fruit to chocloate or caramel.) I am drooling like one of Pavlov's dogs just thinking about this amazing creation. It is times like these that make me happy to be living on this orb during this precise time in history. When they look back 1,000 years from now on our civilization, French toast casserole will be cited as the beginning of our Final Days. It's that wrong--and that good!

Oktoberfest Is Dangerous!

I landed in Germany just in time for Oktoberfest, the largest beer-drinking, sausage-eating gorgy in the world. I hit the first mega-tent I saw and guzzled down 4 beers and gobbled up 6 sausages of different types in the first hour.

Suddenly I got a Babe Ruth-sized case of massive, gut-turning, very painful and extremely horrific indigestion.

Next thing I know, a German doctor is probing me in sensitive places with a tool that looks like a trowel.

"Vat did you eat?" The doctor had his nose hairs combed into a mustache.

"Those uh, spicy sausages."

"How many?"

"Maybe six."

The doc muttered something in German and continued probing.

"How many beers did you drink, yah?"

"I don't know, maybe 3 or 4."

"Oh, there's the problem."

"What doc? What is it?"

"You need more beer."

Oh, I thought, of course. Beer will settle my stomach. If I ever have the desire to drink one again.

Oktoberfest is not for the weak and I know that now.

For the next four days, I drank Pepto and experienced what I call "Adolph's Revenge."

My stomach started churning again when I got the doctor's bill-$350 American.

I'm sure glad I bought travel insurance.

Meet the Next President: OPRAH!!

When Barack Obama made his acceptance speech in Chicago last week, the cameras kept flashing on Oprah leaning on and weeping all over some guy who is now a media star. Everything Oprah touches (I don't need to even mention her last name, that's how famous she is) turns into gold! The woman was glowing like a Chernobyl baby!
After supporting him early on and actually going on the road and campaigning for Obama, Oprah must now certainly believe that she's a president maker, in addition to being the highest paid woman on TV. Will the President-Elect now feel obligated to keep her involved? Will she be the new Secretary of the Interior, for instance?
The already self-absorbed Oprah must now think she can do no wrong. She gives needy people cars and money; she started a school in Africa and celebrities clamor to be guests on her show. Every public appearance she makes results in a mad mob scene. She's into publishing, the Web, radio and retailing.
Oprah's show is a consistent hit and she's assembled a following equal to any entertainer on the planet. She recommends books and they hit the bestseller list. She touts other entertainers and they get their own shows. She drops a dozen eggs and an omelette suddenly appears. She breaks wind and it's an alternative fuel source.
What's next? Will Oprah run for president herself in 2012? Or will she put the people in place to run, say a ticket with Dr. Phil for Prez and Rachel Ray for VP? It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Obama's victory was a triumph for Oprah. And now it's time to give for Barack to give her her due!

Best Diet Loss Pill: Have You Voted?

This is a new beginning here in this country. And part of that involves a healthier way of living. And a substantial part of that is all about the best weight loss pill in the world. Well, it's still up for discussion. This is you vote and your call so don't drop the ball. Comment here, my fans, and let's see where you stand on this subject. What is the best weight loss pill on the market out there right now? It's a tough question. We don't want to be quite as skinny as Keira Knightley, but we still feel like we could afford to lose a few pounds. No one may really have the definitive answer, but that is for YOU the consumer to decide. Don't shy away from the question. In fact, try and gravitate toward the answer. Let it be YES!

UGG Boots Are 4 Guys Now!

Hey, if it works--go with it. UGG Boots have always been great-looking on women. Hotties like Pam Anderson got the ball rolling and other celebrity babes like Judy Tenuta, Star Jones, KT Boyle, Laurie Stapleton, Michelle Bogdon, Sally Struthers, Hillary Clinton and Linda Evans have all helped to make UGG Boots famous. But, guess what? Now the guys are wearing them too, including Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis, Andy Dick, Danny "The Greek" Rettig, Bettlejuice, Eric the Midget, Eric Gouldsberry, Alex Durbin, Jerry Lewis, Bruce Muiles and Tom Hanks. UGG Boots have crossed over, fellas! Do you have yours yet?

There's Something A-Sconce Here!

My buddy Jason hit it big a few years back. He wrote some video game software and made like $5 million in two years.

He bought this amazing mansion on a hill in Los Angeles with a huge home theater, almost as exhilarating and historic as the first theater ever built. (See photo) I think they called it The Delphi.

There was this enormous movie screen that automatically retracted up into the ceiling, theater seats, high-tech surround sound and even a popcorn machine.

But, what really caught my eye were the home theater sconces.

I have to admit-I am a big sconce fan.

I see a sconce, well-it gets emotional; sometimes.

So, check out the home theater sconces at www.stargatecinema.com.

But, don't tell me about it.

I can get crazy around sconces!

Balancing Life & Work Issues with The Donald

I had a dream last night where I was talking to Donald Trump.

"I have a good credit score but no assets, so what do I do?" I asked The Man Himself.

"You're basically a newbie, a post-40, behind-the-economic-times sputnik baby who did drugs for 12 years and is now trying to jump back in the credit game?"

"Yeah, I guess," I replied. DT pretty much had me pegged--exactly.

"So, you're coming to me asking for free advice just because I happened to show up in your drug-induced, alcohol-impaired dream?"

"Uh, well, I..." This guy is good, I'm thinking.

"You think Donald Trump makes money appearing in people's dreams?"

"I never thought about it, I..."

"Balance transfers," The Donald suddenly blurted out.

"What?"

"I don't have time to explain it to you. There are no paparazzi here, so i will have to leave soon. Transfer those balances and you'll live a more balanced life, at least financially."

Frankly Speaking With a Baseball Legend: Herman Franks

A left-handed hitter who threw right-handed, Herman Franks broke into baseball with the Hollywood Stars of the Pacific Coast League in 1932, but he was soon acquired by the St. Louis Cardinals and joined their large farm system. All you really need to know about his playing career was that he played primarily as a backup and finished with a batting average of .199 with three home runs in 188 games over parts of six seasons. In 1949 Franks landed his first coaching assignment, as an aide to Leo Durocher with the New York Giants.

He was a member of two National League championship clubs (1951, 1954) and one World Series (1954) title team through 1955. According to author Joshua Prager in his 2006 book The Echoing Green, Franks played a critical role in the Giants' Bobby Thomson's famous pennant-winning home run in the 1951 NL playoffs -- Baseball's Shot Heard Round The World. According to Prager, Franks was stationed in the Giants' centerfield clubhouse at the Polo Grounds, their home field, stealing the opposing catcher's signs through a telescope and relaying them through second-string catcher Sal Yvars (who was stationed in the bullpen) to the Giants' coaches and hitters. When asked where he was when Thomson hit his home run, Franks said, in 1996, that he was "doing something for Durocher" at the time.

Whatever his role may have been on that day, Franks was known as a devotee of Durocher-style, win-at-any-cost baseball, including intimidation through flying spikes and brush back pitching. Author Roger Kahn quoted Dodger outfielder Carl Furillo that Franks would poke his head into the Brooklyn clubhouse to taunt Furillo that Giant pitchers would throw at his head during that day's game. Furillo, whose hatred for Durocher was so intense that he would engage Durocher in a fistfight in the Giant dugout filled with enemy players, said of the Giants, in Peter Golenbock's book Bums, "They were dirty ballplayers ... They all wanted to be like Durocher, to copy Durocher. That Herman Franks, he was another one."

Franks managed the San Francisco Giants for four years from 1965-1968, and produced four frustrating second-place finishes in the National League. The club won 95, 93, 91 and 88 games and finished 2, 1½, 10½ and 9 games behind the league champions. He then coached nd managed off and on for the Chicago Cubs over an 11-year period. Although Franks compiled a poor record as a player, he notched a winning record as a manager - 605-521, .537.

On his role in the Thomson home run: “They say that I stole Brooklyn’s signs that day and I’ve never admitted to anything. And I never will. There’s been a lot of talk about it since ’51. People don’t ever get tired of talking about it. I must have talked to this writer Prager more than 50 times. He even flew out here to Salt Lake City to interview me. Prager researched the hell out of that story, let me tell you. I read things in there I didn’t know. Sal Ivars has blabbed all over the place, but no one else has talked. Alvin Dark didn’t talk; I didn’t talk; Whitey Lockman wouldn’t say nothing about it. But, there are a lot of them still alive who did a lot of talking. When Bobby hit that ball it was one of the highlights of my baseball career.”

His relationship with the Brooklyn Dodgers’Carl Furillo: “Carl Furillo died a broken man; mad at the world. He got blackballed and was angry at the world. He couldn’t get another job in baseball and he blamed it on everybody but himself. He said a lot of bullshit about me. In those days, we all jawed back and forth. The Dodgers had some tough pitchers in those days, Don Newcombe especially, and everyone threw at each other and knocked each other down all the time. You protected yourself. They were fiercely competitive in those days, Brooklyn and the Giants. Those two teams hated each other. In those days, there was a league rule—if you talked to the other teams’ players out on the field, you got fined. It’s not like today where the players chum around with each other; not at all. Now they go out to dinner with each other after the game; they’re all buddy-buddy.’ It’s just different now.”

About steroids and managing the game today: “I am so sick of them talking about steroids. Barry Bonds is one of the best damn hitters I ever saw. He can flat ass hit. And he set all those records when there was no law against them, right? A lot of this bullshit wouldn’t go on if I was still managing. Maybe I couldn’t manage today’s game the way it is, I don’t know. I think the players are managing the managers today—agents telling the managers when they can pitch their pitchers, and all that kind of bullshit. That wouldn’t go with me. And the money—the most I made as a manager was $125,000, with the Cubs, which at the time made me one of the highest paid managers at the time. Now they get millions”

Bench jockeying: “Durocher was a helluva bench jockey, that’s well known. But, in those days you could holler from the bench. ‘Stick it in his ear,” stuff like that. ‘Knock him down!’ You don’t dare say that today. Hell, I seen Leo walk up to the plate and get knocked down four straight times. He never complained. Everybody hollered at each other!”

The 1965 Giants: “The best team I ever managed, except I didn’t have a shortstop or a second baseman. We couldn’t make a double play. If I had had that I would have won the pennant all four years. We tried out a bunch of shortstops and second basemen, but we couldn’t find anyone to fill the holes there. We had five hall of famers on that team—Gaylord Perry, Orlando Cepeda, Juan Marichal, Willie Mays and Willie McCovey. I taught Gaylord Perry how to throw that spitball; that’s what made him. We won 90 games three times during those four seasons and finished second each time. Today you win 90 games and you’re in the playoffs.”
(Parts of this article are from Wikipedia and www.thisgreatgame.com)

Hydroxycut Works!

Most of us don't want huge muscles, bulging through our shirts. We also don't want to be so fat that our ass envelopes a chair whenever we sit down. The majority of the people out there in this country just want to be fit. Sometimes we need help getting there, and that's where Hydroxycut comes into the picture. Hydroxycut is a great way to get ripped without getting ripped off. Let's face it, a lot of the diet/fitness supplement products out there right now are bogus. But, not Hydroxycut--it's been around for a long time and is proven. You will not be disappointed with Hydroxycut--just read the testimonials and you'll see how effective it is. So, if you want to be fit, healthy and looking good--give it a try! What do you have to lose?

Crazy Cats!

"Hey Ed, check this out!" Angelina said as she pointed out the back window.

"What the..?" I can't believe what I just saw, I thought, blinking as if clearing my brain and vision might give me a different result.

The neighbor's cats were jumping around as if being electrocuted, caught up in this weird, almost rthymic dance, bobbing and weaving, rising and falling, like two over-amped out-of-control marionettes.

"We better call the guy next door," Angelina said with a slight tinge of fear and confusion in her voice.

In minutes, our neighbor Danny The Greek was at the door. When he saw his two felines doing this strange ritual on our back lawn, he knew what had happened.

"Oh, no--not again," he exclaimed.

"Why are they doing that?" we both asked simultaneously.

"They got into my diet pills again. They must have eaten a handful each."

Just then one of the cats slammed into our back fence, nearly redeeming one of his nine lives.

"What? Your diet pills?" I asked.

"Yeah, they've done it before. They eat the pills and then act like this for a few days until the effect wears off. I hide them in the bathroom, but they always seem to find them."

"You need diet pills with less caffeine in them, Danny. If they're doing this to your cats, just think what they're doing to your system. I would check out http://www.dietpillsdietpills.com/, to find a less-speedy more healthy alternative."

"Thanks, man--I will." Danny promised as he started to leave.

"Hey, what about the cats?" Angelina inquired.

"Oh, they'll be like that for a few days. When they pass out, can you call me again and I'll come get them?"

"Sure," we replied.

It was going to be a long weekend.

Yuletide Yuckfest 2008 Announced Today

Due to the current economic crisis, Toys for Tots needs more toys than ever. Come support a worthy charity as we celebrate or 11th year! Admission is $10 with an unwrapped toy and $15 without a toy. Music by Chubby's All-Stars starts at 7 pm (featuring special guest Viv Savage from Spinal Tap); and comedy, featuring headliner Larry Bubbles Brown (as seen recently on David Letterman), Jeff Applebaum, Nick Leonard and other special guests, starts at 8 pm. Call (415) 595-4555 for reservations.

Crib Notes

Why is this child so frazzled? What has happened to this toddler to make her so disheveled? Maybe it has to do with her crib bedding. Crib bedding is so important to a baby's early years, because it helps them get a good night's sleep or daytime nap, safe and sound in a well-designed, durable bedding set. Being in a crib cannot be a lot of fun. I used to climb out of mine all the time (or so I've been told -- my memory is fuzzy). http://www.babyearth.com/ has some of the finest crib bedding on the market today, in a wide range of fresh, vibrant color schemes and styles, with upholstered bumpers to make sure your little one(s) doesn't bump his or her head. If this kid's parents clicks through to http://www.babyearth.com/, their toddler will feel better and her hair will probably return safely back to her scalp.

Can L.A. Dodge the SI Cover Curse?

I am so excited about the Dodgers being in the National League Championship Series that I can’t even tell you. I have waited 20 years for this to happen and tomorrow it is finally here. I was very hopeful of their chances against the Phillies until I went down to collect the mail this afternoon. When I saw Manny Ramirez on the cover of Sports Illustrated, I nearly lost control of my bowels.
Nothing will kill a team worse that the SI cover curse. You think the Chicago Cubs are cursed? Steve Bartman is their guardian angel and the legendary goat is a blessing compared to the Sports Illustrated cover curse. It has ruined careers, caused teams to fold like omelets and wreaked havoc on sports stars and their teams for well over 5 decades.
My only hope is that none of the Dodger players will see the SI cover. But, what are the chances of that? Joe Torre needs to hold a meeting and address the situation immediately. Why couldn’t they have put the Bosox or the Rays on their cover! This is the worst thing that could ever possibly happen.
This is an interesting article that appeared yesterday on the Sports Network:
An old rivalry will be renewed when the Philadelphia Phillies and Los Angeles Dodgers square off on Thursday in Game 1 of the National League Championship Series at Citizens Bank Park.
These teams have met in this round on three other occasions, but this will be their first playoff meeting since the Wheeze Kids Phils defeated the Dodgers, 3-1, to advance to the 1983 World Series.
Los Angeles, though, defeated the Phillies the first two times these teams squared off in NLCS play.
Unfortunately, the winner of the past three LCS matchups between these two has gone on to lose the World Series.
These teams split their eight meetings in the regular season, with each squad capturing a four-game sweep at home.
As an introduction to this NLCS matchup, let's take a look at the keys to winning the series for both clubs:
LOS ANGELES DODGERS
1. MANNY RAMIREZ
As has been the case since he arrived in Los Angeles, as goes Manny Ramirez, so go the Dodgers. Ramirez continued his strong play down the stretch into the NLDS, where he hit .500 in the sweep of the Cubs, belting two home runs with three RBI.
The Dodgers hope Ramirez can duplicate his numbers from last year's ALCS, when he hit .409 with a pair of home runs and 10 RBI for the Red Sox in their seven-game win over Cleveland. He is a lifetime .319 hitter in LCS play with 10 home runs and 23 RBI in 39 games.
2. DEREK LOWE
If Joe Torre has his way he is going to pitch Derek Lowe three times this series. There were few pitchers hotter down the stretch than Lowe, who won six of his last seven decisions. He carried that strong finish into his Game 1 effort against the Cubs, who managed just two runs in six innings.
The lefty- heavy Phillies lineup has traditionally battered right-handed pitching. However, despite Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley and Pat Burrell all boasting averages better than .300 against Lowe, none of them has taken him deep.
3. WHO IS GETTING RYAN HOWARD AND CHASE UTLEY OUT LATE?
Now if these two still aren't hitting this might not be much of a problem, but either way, who on the Dodgers' staff is going to face them late in a game? How about 20-year-old phenom Clayton Kershaw?
Kershaw has electric stuff and won his final three decisions of the year, but was not used in the NLDS. Torre could use Kershaw in a Game 4 start, but depending on the situation he may opt to use Lowe on short rest in that spot.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
1. CHASE UTLEY AND RYAN HOWARD NEED TO START HITTING
If the Philadelphia Phillies have one question heading into this series, it is what the heck is going on with Utley and Ryan Howard?
After going 2-for-11 in last year's sweep at the hands of the Rockies, Utley has again seen his bat go silent, managing just two hits in 15 at-bats against the Brewers. However, he had perhaps the biggest hit of Game 1, a two-run double that probably should have been caught by center fielder Mike Cameron.
The Dodgers could be the perfect team for Utley to break out against. He batted .355 with two homers against the Dodgers this year and is .339 lifetime against them for his career.
Howard, meanwhile, had another MVP campaign, basically strapping the Phils to his back in September. But, once again he is struggling here in October. Howard managed just two hits in 11 at-bats. Unlike Utley, though, he rarely got a pitch to hit and walked five times against the Brewers
Facing Lowe won't be an easy task for Howard, who is just 2-for-16 lifetime against him.
2. JIMMY ROLLINS AND SHANE VICTORINO NEED TO GET ON BASE
As much as Utley and Howard struggled in the NLDS, Rollins and Shane Victorino thrived. Rollins batted .375 with two runs scored, while Victorino hit .357 with a grand slam in Game 2.
If those two continue to get on base and Utley and Howard come around, this could be a short series.
3. BRAD LIDGE
Brad Lidge has made things interesting lately for Philadelphia. Rarely does he get a 1-2-3 inning, but he still hasn't blown a save and is a perfect 43- for-43 in save opportunities this season.
However, a lot of people still remember that mammoth home run Albert Pujols hit off of him in the 2005 NLCS. Could we have another moment like that should he have to get Ramirez out in a big spot?
Lidge has been bending an awful lot as of late, but until he breaks you can't complain.
10/08 10:53:52 ET

Admin Jobs Online

If you're looking for admin jobs online, you should really know more about http://www.administrativejobs.com/, a great Web site that features tons of administrative jobs of all kinds. As the economy weakens, good admin people are going to be more important than ever. They are pretty secure positions when you think about it--big-time managers with big salaries will get dumped when things get tough, but a good secretary is indispensable to a success of a company. A lot of people have lost their livelihoods this year (approx. 700,000 to-date), but top-flight admin workers will be around for the duration, I believe!

Don't Mess With Housewives!

The vacuum cleaner salesman dumped a big bag of sawdust on the living room floor and smiled.

Susie Housewife was not amused.

"You had better clean that up right now," she scolded the salesman, causing his beady little eyes to glaze over, like a bullfrog using his second eyelid.

"No problem, Miss...I."

"Because if you don't, I'll have to pull out my brand new Electrolux vacuum. Electrolux vacuums make yours look like a child's toy. They have more suction; they are easy to use; they never break and they don't cost a fortune. Should I continue?"

"Well, uh,..this premier vacuum does so many things, it.."

"Stop!"

"But, I..."

"You're wasting my time. You're trying to sell me a Hyundai and I already have a Ferrari. I have an Electrolux. What part of that don't you understand?"

"But, I..."

"You already said that. Clean up this mess and then hit the road, whatever your name is. If you don't say another word, maybe I'll let you borrow my Electrolux!"

Love Lost & Found

We walked hand in hand, down the road that Carl Sandburg said should be avoided at all costs.

"You give good shadow," she said.



"What?" She often caught me off-guard and I loved it.



"Your shadow--it's nice; no jagged edges."



"Uh, really? Thanks." I mean, how does someone respond to that?



"My ex-boyfriend had a really obtuse shadow and the first time I saw it, I knew we were over. I told him about it and he just looked at me and said, 'I've lost you.' I couldn't believe it."



She came up for a breath and starting speaking before I could squeeze a word in.



"So, I told him--if you want to re-find me--get a clue. Hold me once in a while. Make my tea. Pay attention to me. And respect my shadow. And while you're at it, get a Garmin GPS, the number one navigation system in the world today. You'll never lose me again if you get a Garmin GPS."



I was stunned. Like a 5-year-old hooked on bad phonics, I found my way around several very meaningful words but that was all.


She had made her point.

Subtlety wasn't her strong suit.

Billiards: A Rich History

I must admit that I am a lousy pool player. Every time I play billiards, I embarrass myself with inept play and countless errors, kind of like the Chicago Cubs in the MLB postseason. I like to play; I'm just really bad. I found a web site the other day that dealt with the wonderful history of the sport in all its different forms. First off, if you did not already know it, there are three kinds of billiards. First, you have carom billiards, which is played on a table without pockets, including what they call balkline and straight rail, cushion caroms, three-cushion billiards and artistic billiards. (If you think straight billiards is tough, you have not tried carom billiards--it's even more difficult!) Second, you have pocket billiards, which is very popular in the United States and is generally played on a table with six pockets, including 8-ball, which is the world's most widely played form of billiards. Third, there's what is called Snooker. Snooker is technically pocket billiards and is classified as a completely different kind of game--one of the oldest and very popular in Europe. Mary Queen of Scots was buried wrapped in her billiard table cover in 1586. She must have really played a mean game of Snooker! Some of my favorite folks loved the game of billiards, including Mark Twain, Bob Hope, Babe Ruth, Jackie Gleason, Teddy Roosevelt, Lewis Carroll and W.C. Fields.

A Twain Wreck

Last night I dreamt that I was playing billiards with Mark Twain.

But, things were not going well with Mr. Samuel Clemens on this day. He was beating me like a rug at eight-ball and wasn't in a particularly good mood.

"Uh, Mr. Twain?" I asked.

"Yes, son?"


"Was Tom Sawyer a metaphor for society's mistreatment of the young?"


"No, son -- it was a reason to get paid. I started writing it hungover and was drunk when I finished it." He blew smoke in my face as he said it.


"Was Huckleberry Finn the devil?"


His cue froze mid-stroke. I could tell it was not a good question.


"Son, those are some of the most ignorant questions I have ever heard. You must have had a really terrible American Literature teacher. Either that or you were dropped as a child. Now, are we here to play pool or talk? Because I have a date with Mae West in about an hour."


Please let me wake up, I thought to myself.


But, just then he sunk the 8-ball.


These dead celebrity pool tournaments were not going well. Maybe it was time to take Bing Crosby up on his invitation to play golf.

Tommy Lasorda Rejected by The City by the Bay?

We've seen some pretty amusing pieces of legislation out of the Board of Supervisors, but this one beats them all: Supervisor Michela Alioto-Pier wants organizers of the San Francisco Italian American parade to boot Tommy Lasorda as grand marshal. And my initial question is: Doesn’t she have any more important things to do? Her district suffers from bad roads, bad drunks and a sagging economy (like everywhere else). Is Tommy Lasorda at the Italian American parade really reside at the top of her list or priorities?
For those of you who don’t know or care, Lasorda is the former manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, who've had "an intense rivalry" with our hometown Giants for years and "nobody embodies that more than Tommy Lasorda," states the resolution.
The Giants aren't doing so great, it continues, and "Dodger fans are boastful and smug." Furthermore, there are "many other distinguished local Italian American athletes" like Giants pitcher Barry Zito "or even Joe Montana" who could do the important job of waving from a convertible. (I can see Montana, but Zito? He made a ton of cash from the Giants this season and played consistently bad baseball.
The parade is scheduled for Oct. 12, so Alioto-Pier is trying to get the legislation passed at the board's next meeting, Oct. 7.
But is this really how the supervisors should be spending their time?
"We can't have Tommy Lasorda come to San Francisco for the Italian American parade!" Alioto-Pier said. "He's like enemy No. 1 right now. If you don't think this is important, you should move to L.A."

Colon cleanse

What is the state of your colon? As you get older, you should really consider doing a colon cleanse. It's a great way for you to clear out your colon and get a fresh jolt of energy. You'll just feel lighter on your feet and free of toxins when you do it. I was skeptical about the entire process. Some friends of mine kept recommending it, but I kind of scoffed at the whole idea. But, eventually I thought -- why not? If it has worked for these folks, maybe there is some truth to the effectiveness. So, I have it a try and believe me--it was more than worth it.

How's the Economy in Brazil?

With the U.S. on the verge of the next Great Depression, we're starting to look at some other countries that might be better places to live. Sure, it's a tongue in cheek posting, but not that far from the truth. A friend of mine suggested Brazil. He said the weather is great, the economy is in much better shape than ours is (not a huge surprise!) and they're a lot greener, as most of the people there drive diesel vehicles. So, if we get a chance, we'd like to visit Brazil. We've looked online and there are a top of great Brazil vacation packages out there right now. Sure, we love the U.S. and there's little chance we'd ever leave, but the way things are looking here, you never know!