Punking Postings on Craigslist

I love to punk people on Craigslist. I never do it in a mean way, but every once in a while I feel a need to do it. I saw this posting yesterday and couldn’t resist:

“(((___WANTED: ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMEN FOR SIGNED MUSIC GROUP__)))

We are Looking for two girls who are bright and motivated to work hard in the music entertainment Biz. We have a Signed Music Group that is searching for Girls with talent in dancing, and Singing! Ages of 18 to 25! Auditions would be held in Hollywood. There will be Travel, and we need Unsigned TALENT!!! SEND PIX, CONTACT PHONE NUMBER AND A COPY OF YOUR MUSIC TO: ummusicent@gmail.com -or- 1617 N. El Centro suite 24 Hollywood, Ca. 90028 schedule an appointment! No Calls or Drop offs ( e-mail for appointment w/pix and cover letter)”

Here’s how I responded:

I am very interested in your posting. I am a hot 20-something who has done a ton of modeling, recording, acting and dancing. I would have made it onto American Idol, but Simon was a d--k and hated me. Paula and Randy thought I rocked! When I heard that you guys were signed, I immediately became intrigued. People are always trying to con babes who look like me. They offer bogus jobs and then try to turn us out. I’ve seen it way too many times, believe me! When you see my latest headshot (which I’ve attached) I think you’ll know what I mean. The last band I did work with said they were signed and made all these promises, but in the end they were just trying to get a date with me. Please send me some more information so that I can be 100% certain that you’re legitimate. I live in SF but I’ll be down in LA in two weeks to shoot a Red Hot Chili Peppers video and to shoot an episode of Entourage. Maybe we could meet then.

Medieval Times Dinner Show

The Medieval Times Dinner Show in Kissimmee Florida is an event you will enjoy from beginning to end. It’s an adventure that provides top-notch entertainment for both young and old. You’ll enter a castle from the days of King Arthur’s Court to begin the evening. This building is as authentic and realistic as they come – with all of the trappings of castles from the period. One of the highlights of the Medieval Times Dinner Show is the food. It’s a feast like you’ve never experience before – everything’s freshly made and expertly prepared. Once the show starts, you’ll be mesmerized by the action in directly in front of you. The performers are so close it feels like you can reach out and touch them. You’ll meet King Alphonso the Magnificent, who has invited six of his most noble knights for the chance to compete in a tournament of jousting, medieval games and hand-to-hand combat. When it’s all over, only one of these noble knights, the best of the best, will be the victor. The reward is that the knight will become the personal champion of the King. This is the ultimate honor and comes with a lot of perks! One of the first things the winning knight gets to do is select his Queen of Love and Beauty from among the castle’s finest babes. You’ll see fierce fights using authentic medieval weapons, the costumes are incredible and it’s there’s a lot of fun audience participation. Discount tickets are available for the Medieval Times Dinner Show, which makes it even more of a must-see! Order your tickets now for your summer vacation!

Barkley Bashes the Bay Area

TNT broadcaster and NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley dissed the Bay Area recently, saying that he would rather live on Alcatraz than reside in either Oakland or San Francisco. He went on to say that he likes Sacramento more. Locals are fuming and want The Round Mound of Rebound’s large head on a platter.

“I love it when they give me a hard time,” Barkley said. “I know that I’m getting a lot of love there now.”

Bay Area radio and TV stations have received numerous complaints about Barkley’s remarks. People have created amusing photo shopped pictures of Barkley in a rowboat on his way to Alcatraz, in a jail cell or hanging out hugging guys in the Castro. The Cities by the Bay are mad, but what they don’t realize is that they’re playing directly into Barkley’s plans with their reactions.

Barkley makes his money saying outrageous things. By shooting from the hip and going against the grain, he has established a reputation for being irreverent and controversial. That’s how he gets his name in the press. TNT loves it, because Barkley takes the heat and they get the ratings.

Let’s face it -- the NBA playoffs this year aren’t as exciting as they’ve been in the past. Without the Golden State Warriors, it’s a fairly ho-hum lineup of games. Sure, King James is fun to watch, and the Chicago Bulls are an exciting team young with a promising future, but other than that, it’s a bunch of the same teams we see in the postseason year after year.

So, Barkley decided to spice things up a bit. By insulting the Bay Area, he’s put himself right in the spotlight, which is where he’s comfortable. Now fans all over the country are going to be rooting for the Warriors. He’s made them America’s Underdog with his comments.

Good job, Charles. You could teach our President a few things about spinning the media to your advantage. You’re in the NBA Hall of Fame for getting points on the court and rebounding well. And now you’re doing the same thing from the broadcaster’s booth.