Sunday, October 15, 2006

Our Mayor Likes Undernourished, Underage Blondes with Fake ID's? And You Call That News?

A skinny little blonde by the name of Brittanie Mountz is making a lot of news lately because she's going out with our very eligible single Mayor Gavin Newsom. I met the waif-like Twiggy doppelganger myself about a month ago when she was our hostess at a trendy SF restaurant called Aqua. She seemed nice and cute enough, although a tad too skinny for my liking. I remember at one point a 20-something stylish looking yupster tried to hit on her and she just rolled her eyes. I bet she must have been thinking to herself -- "I've got the mayor, who the hell are you?" Anyway, there's been a little controversy surrounding her lately, because the crack reporting duo Matier & Ross of the SF Chronicle are saying she's been seen drinking in public, yet she's not yet 21. Underage drinking in SF? What a headline grabber! Matier & Ross are no doubt a shoo-in for the Pulitzer for that incredible piece of investigative reporting. Woodward & Bernstein, move over! High school kids all across the city are thinking of changing their college majors to journalism so that they can make the kind of impact on society that Matier & Ross have made. Next thing you know they'll be reporting about a love affair between two male penguins at the SF Zoo! Or that someone parked in the Fire Chief's reserved spot last Tuesday! Man, this is cutting-edge stuff! I have only lived here a year, but I can tell you that there are more fake ID's in this town than real ones. In fact, many women over 21 have fake ID's to prove they're much younger! Give us something substantial for once Matier & Ross. The last big story you broke was the 1989 earthquake....2 days after it happened!