My 2011 MLB Picks!

Baseball season starts next week, so here are my fearless predictions. Read these again in late October for a good laugh, because last season I picked the Boston Red Sox to win it all, and they didn't get into the playoffs. I am picking the Red Sox again to win the World Series in 2011, but I haven't been right since 1989, when I picked the Oakland A's to capture the crown. Since then I'm oh-for-21 and still searching for winners!

My MLB 2011 Predictions

National League
NL West: Colorado Rockies
NL East: Philadelphia Phillies
NL Central: Milwaukee Brewers
Wild Card: Atlanta Braves
NL Champion: Philadelphia Phillies

American League
AL West: Angels of Los Angeles
AL East: Boston Red Sox
AL Central: Detroit Tigers
Wild Card: Tampa Bay Rays
AL Champion: Boston Red Sox
MLB Champs: Boston Red Sox

2011 Award Winners
National League
MVP: Carlos Gonzalez, Colorado Rockies
Cy Young: Ray Halladay, Philadelphia Phillies
Rookie of the Year: Aroldis Chapman, Cincinnati Reds
Comeback Player of the Year: Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves
Slugger of the Year: Ryan Howard, Philadelphia Phillies
Closer of the Year: Brian Wilson, San Francisco Giants

American League
MVP: Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays
Cy Young: Justin Verlander, Detroit Tigers
Rookie of the Year: Jeremy Hellickson, Tampa Bay Rays
Comeback Player of the Year: Joe Nathan, Minnesota Twins
Slugger of the Year: Adrian Gonzalez, Boston Red Sox
Closer of the Year: Jose Valverde, Detroit Tigers

Why is She Crying?

I was driving in this crazed city the other day and it was raining yet again.
“Oh, she’s crying,” I said
A woman was crossing the street, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy and she wasn’t trying to hide the fact.
“Poor thing,” I thought. I hate to see people crying, especially kids and women.
“If she’s crying, it means she’s alive,” my passenger in the car said.
“What does that mean? I asked.
“Well, if you’re crying, it means you’re real.”
“But, I wonder why she’s crying?”
“Probably some guy dumped her.”
“Why do you assume that?”
“Cause guys suck.”
“How can you be so sure?” I inquired.
“Because I’ve been there and those tears are saying, some jerk just dumped me!”
“What if she lost her job or someone died?”
“That isn’t the type of crying she’s doing. That’s breakup crying.”
“How can you be so certain? You don’t have much faith in the male race do you?”
“We always know when another one from the clan got dumped. And she just got dumped.”
“Maybe she got eliminated from American Idol,” I said. “Or maybe she’s a Cleveland Cavaliers fan? Or she feels bad for Charlie Sheen? Or she was a big supporter of Qaddafi? Who knows?”
“Maybe she’s clairvoyant and she overheard this conversation before we had it. That would make her cry. And why do we waste our time with these dumb conversations anyway?”
“It sure beats talking about our own lives, doesn’t it?”
We laughed and agreed to something…finally.
(Oh, I forgot my passenger’s name in this article—it’s Steve.)