Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Oktoberfest Is Dangerous!

I landed in Germany just in time for Oktoberfest, the largest beer-drinking, sausage-eating gorgy in the world. I hit the first mega-tent I saw and guzzled down 4 beers and gobbled up 6 sausages of different types in the first hour.
Suddenly I got a Babe Ruth-sized case of massive, gut-turning, very painful and extremely horrific indigestion.

Next thing I know, a German doctor is probing me in sensitive places with a tool that looks like a trowel.

"Vat did you eat?" The doctor had his nose hairs combed into a mustache.

"Those uh, spicy sausages."

"How many?"

"Maybe six."

The doc muttered something in German and continued probing.

"How many beers did you drink, yah?"

"I don't know, maybe 3 or 4."

"Oh, there's the problem."

"What doc? What is it?"

"You need more beer."

Oh, I thought, of course. Beer will settle my stomach. If I ever have the desire to drink one again.

Oktoberfest is not for the weak and I know that now.

For the next four days, I drank Pepto and experienced what I call "Adolph's Revenge."

My stomach started churning again when I got the doctor's bill-$350 American.

I'm sure glad I bought travel insurance.

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