The Lousy Drunk of the Year Award

(I’ve done some pretty stupid stuff while intoxicated, I hate to admit. One time I ran out onto a basketball court and slid headfirst in front of about 5,000 people at a college basketball game in Fresno. But, this guy must have really been whacked out to do something this crazy. Not only did he wake up the next morning with a really bad hangover, but he had a nice big panda bite to go along with it. And all this after only 4 beers? What a lightweight! And they're not going to arrest him? If he tried this stunt here in California, he'd get at least 60 days, not to mention all the heat he'd catch from animal groups.)

BEIJING (AP) — A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.
"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.
The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.
"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."
Other tourists yelled for a zookeeper, who got the panda under control by spraying it with water, reports said. Zhang was hospitalized.
Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.
The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."
"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."
Ye Mingxia, a spokeswoman for the Beijing Zoo, confirmed the incident happened but would not give any details. She said Gu Gu was "healthy."
"We're not considering punishing him now," Ye said in a telephone interview. "He's suffered quite a bit of shock.

Put a Fork in the SF Giants: They're Done!

The San Francisco Giants lost again yesterday, and I think it's safe to say they will be watching the playoffs on TV this season. The Boys by the Bay never really got it together this year, and even though they showed signs of making a run every once in awhile, they bogged down at the crucial moments and are now deader than roadkill on Hwy. 101 at this point. There is hope for next year, however, because they've got some real good young pitching with guys like Lowry and Cain. The big questions during the offseason will be how can they get younger overall. With veterans like Bonds, Alou, Durham, Schmidt and Finley, they are an old and cricketty bunch. Now that the Giants are done, their only real joy in life will come during the final 3 games of the season, when they will attempt to do what they do best -- knock the hated Dodgers out of postseason play.

Theater Review: Not a Genuine Black Man

Not a Genuine Black Man, a one-man show written and performed by Brian Copeland, is so incredibly moving, so outrageously funny and so mesmerizing and engrossing that once you’ve seen it, there’s no doubt that it will stay with you forever. It’s been described as an evening of laughter, tears and sociology. In 1972, the National Committee against Discrimination in Housing called the California city of San Leandro a racist bastion of white supremacy. It was selected as one of the most racist suburbs in the United States. At the time, CBS News and Newsweek magazine did in-depth stories on the situation. The U.S. Commission on Civil Rights conducted hearings concerning it. It was a huge story, because people were shocked that something like this could happen in Northern California. Brian Copeland and his mother moved to San Leandro when Brian was just eight, and they experienced all of the hate and racism that existed in this small town. They were discriminated against by their landlords, their neighbors, their peers and the entire community, and yet they learned from it and persevered. Brian’s mom raised her son pretty much by herself and stood her ground and refused to move out of San Leandro. Not a Genuine Black Man is Brian Copeland’s story of how it happened – how it affected him personally, changed his and his mother’s life, and, in many ways, led him to become the incredibly insightful and tolerant man he is today. I worked with Brian way back in the late 80’s when he was in his early 20’s, and even then I could sense that he would be a big star. He has been doing standup ever since then, and recently won the San Francisco Cabaret Gold Award for his act. He is a multitalented comedian, writer, TV host (Channel 5), radio talk show host (KGO) and commentator. But, this one-man show has really put Brian on the map, and for good reason. It is the longest running one-man show in the history of San Francisco. HBO is in the process of creating a series around the show. It has gotten rave reviews from everyone who’s seen it – from the SF Chronicle to every single TV and radio station in the Bay Area and beyond. I have seen it twice, and the second time was actually better than the first, because I remembered a lot from the first time and was actually more prepared for it. I was able to catch a lot more of the subtlety and nuances of his monologue.
Not a Genuine Black Man is playing at The Marsh, a very small and intimate theater in the Mission, on 1062 Valencia Street (near 22nd Street). Call (415) 826-5750 for information and tickets. It’s only being perfumed on Thursdays and Fridays through October 21st right now, so get your tickets before all of the shows sell out. Copeland also recently wrote a book based on the show, which is also getting stellar reviews. It’s currently available through http://www.amazon.com/. For more about Brian Copeland and Not a Genuine Black Man, visit his web site at: http://www.briancopleand.com/. For more information about The Marsh, take a look at: http://www.themarsh.org/.

This Week's Restaurant Review: Greens in SF

When my lovely fiancée told me about this vegetarian place called Greens, I shuddered and here’s why. I am the anti-vegetarian. I am the anti-bean sprouts kind of guy. I believe that man was designed to be a carnivore. That’s why we have big, sharp teeth. If human beings were meant to eat lettuce and graze out in pastures all day, we’d have smaller incisors and four stomachs. I like meat, beef especially, and things like ribs and steaks and brisket. So, when I hear about a veggie joint called Greens I run to the nearest Wendy’s for a big, greasy double with cheese. That’s my way of coping with a tofu sandwich made on organic wheat bread and served by a gal with braided armpits. But, this restaurant is not like that at all. Greens in San Francisco is a great place. The fact that there’s no meat, fish or fowl on the menu isn’t even an issue. I had a girlfriend long ago who was obnoxiously vocal and militant about the fact that she was a vegetarian. I would go out of my way to make her special veggie meals. But, every single time she saw me cooking meat, she would always say stuff like, “Oh that must be the smell of burning corpse.” I shut her up once by telling her that Hitler was a vegetarian. Anyway, Greens at Fort Mason is a wonderful place. It’s right on a pier, so you can see the bay, and the décor is a mixture of art gallery and dance studio. The wait staff consists of young, hip, good-looking non-yuppie types who are attentive and pleasant. We went to brunch there last Sunday and it was a healthy as well as nourishing experience. I thought we’d have to go for a post-meal pizza because I figured I’d still be hungry afterwards, but that wasn’t the case. We started off with some unique beverages. I am so tired of places that have one or two non-alcoholic drink offerings. Sometimes I am not in the mood to have wine, a beer or a cocktail. But, usually the only alternatives are soft drinks, your basic coffee or tea. Not so at Greens. I had a chocolate chai drink that was excellent and Angelina had a really tasty cup of warm organic apple juice with a cinnamon stick in it. To kick the brunch off, we had a bowl of fresh fruit with yogurt. The grapes, plums, raspberries and boysenberries were outstanding – perfectly ripe and juicy. Then, we went for the brunch specials. We sampled several things, including the Rancho Portobello Sandwich, which is on an Acme roll with grilled onions, poblano chiles, chipotle mayo and arugula. It’s served with a potato salad made of yellow finn and French fingerling taters, with roasted peppers, cilantro, frisee and chili vinaigrette. It might as well have been a steak sandwich, because the Portobello mushrooms were succulent and meaty. Outstanding. Next we tried the Yukon Gold and Scallion Cakes, with St. George cheddar and Italian parsley. Served with eggs over easy, pesto, roasted tomato, garlic sauce and arugula, this dish was hearty and filling without being heavy and rich. Finally, we sampled the Fritata Mexicana, with crisp tortillas, poblano chiles, peppers, marjoram, sage and smoked cheese. It also comes with Green Gulch lettuces, escarole hearts, avocado, ruby grapefruit and citrus chili vinaigrette. The bill for this great meal was around fifty buck, which when you consider the crazy prices for food in SF, is quite reasonable. My only criticism of Greens is that too many of the entrees at Greens come with some type of cheese. If you leave out the meat and substitute it with cheese, how much healthier is it, really? I don’t care because I like cheese, but if you’re cheese-intolerant like many folks are, just ask them to leave it out. Greens is located at Building A, in historic Fort Mason Center in SF and their phone number is: (415) 771-6222. I’m not about to give up my carnivorous ways, but a place like this one is a healthy alternative once in awhile. I guess it doesn’t hurt to spare a cow’s life now and then. I totally recommend Greens.

Book Review: Tales from the Dodger Dugout

This is an awesome book with a lot of great stuff about Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale, Willie Davis, Walter Alston, Maury Wills and the great LA Dodger teams of the 60's. I would say it's a must-read for Dodger fans and baseball fans in general.
Some refer to the early to mid-1960s as the Golden Age of baseball in Los Angeles. Not only did Tommy Davis (a Dodger from 1959–1966) have the best seat in the house, but the two-time All-Star left-fielder who twice led the National League in hitting was also the Dodgers' silent superstar. Relive exciting Dodger Blue memories from games at the oval-shaped Coliseum to the opening of Dodger Stadium to the fun and satisfaction of the World Series championship seasons of 1963 and 1965 and the disappointment and sorrow of the team's famous collapse of 1962 and Davis’s career-altering ankle injury.

LA, Detroit & Chicago: Folding Like Omelettes!

I hate to toot my own horn, but all three of the teams I accused of choking lost yesterday. It is painful to watch, kind of like an Ashton Kutcher movie. You know it's only going to get worse, but you have to sit through it to witness just how bad it will be. The Tigers lost to the Orioles, the Chisox got swept by the Incredible A's, and the Dodgers got bitch-slapped by the suddenly unstoppable Padres. In the next 2 weeks, it will only get worse. The only reason Detroit will get into the playoffs as the AL wild card is that the Boston Red Sox are more beat up than the Army of Iraq!

Tigers, White Sox and Dodgers, Oh My! Three MLB Teams Will Fold at the Finish!

It’s crunch time in the major leagues and I can see three teams in particular that are poised to fold. The Detroit Tigers are the first one. After an incredible season that shocked just about everyone in the baseball world, they are limping to the finish line. Their young players haven’t been in this situation at this level before, and they are starting to show their true stripes. I predict that the Minnesota Twins will pass them up and win the division. The Tigers should really thank the Chicago White Sox, because it looks like Detroit will sneak in as the wild card even if they fold, because the pale hose are looking even sicklier down the stretch. The Oakland A’s can sweep them with a win today, which they will, because the Chisox don’t look anything like the World Champs of last year. The third team preparing to crumble, I believe, is the Los Angeles Dodgers. They're a little too old at some positions and a little too inexperienced at others, I think, to fight off the well-managed, balanced and aggressive San Diego Padres. I hope I’m wrong, and a lot will be decided today and tomorrow when they play the second half of a four-game series with San Diego, but I just have a scary feeling that the boys in blue are going to be saying boo-hoo by the time this whole thing is through!

My favorite charity: TOYS 4 TOTS

(About a decade ago, I was looking for a charity to do work for. I figured, hell -- I've lived this long, someone must be watching over me -- so it won't hurt to give a little something back. When I looked at a bunch of different charities, I was shocked at how many are actually semi-bogus. In many cases, when you give $$ or time to a charity, it never even gets to the people who are supposed to be the ones that are in need. The majority of the $$ goes to the people who run the charity. That's why I chose to work for Toys 4 Tots. When you give a toy to T4Ts, it goes to a child, no if's, and's or but's. Awhile back I did a brochure for the Santa Clara County T4Ts. Here it is.)

Santa Clara County Toys 4 Tots

Once you see the look in their eyes, you know. An unexpected toy during the holidays is just what’s needed to make any child’s Christmas a holiday to remember.

Do you think that the people who first started Toys for Tots in 1947 had any idea the organization would grow and flourish to become what it is today?
The founders of Toys for Tots can be proud and satisfied in knowing the groundwork they laid over 53 years ago is still in place and that the program is stronger than ever!

During the program’s first year, over 5,000 toys were collected and distributed to needy kids throughout the Los Angeles area. In just over a half-century, the Toys for Tots program has grown to include over 360 Marine Corps sites all over the U.S., with more than 120 million toys collected and distributed over the years, including approximately 120 million toys last year alone.

In 2006, the San Jose Marines, in conjunction with the Santa Clara County Toys for Tots Committee, conducted another incredibly successful campaign. More than 130,000 new toys were collected and distributed to 134-plus individual charitable groups throughout the county and its surrounding areas.

This unprecedented accomplishment is the result of one full year of teamwork between the San Jose Marines, dedicated volunteers, local businesses, labor unions and a wide range of organizations that share the Tots for Tots’ belief that every single child in this country, regardless of race, color creed or religious beliefs, deserves the joy that a toy brings during the holiday season.

Community and corporate support for Toys for Tots in 2000 was unmatched, ranging from record toy numbers and generous monetary donations – to the unparalleled media coverage and the donation of warehouse facilities.

What You Can Do to Make a Difference

Getting involved in Toys for Tots is an ideal way to bring joy to the children of Santa Clara County and its outlying areas. The importance of corporate sponsorships and media support is vital to the success of this holiday charity program. Local individuals can make a major impact on the program’s efforts, but to really succeed, sponsorships from highly regarded businesses and corporations are essential. It’s a winning situation for everyone – your fine reputation helps enhance Toys for Tots’ presence in the community – and identifies your organization as one that is committed to doing something meaningful and positive for disadvantaged children and families throughout Santa Clara County.

In exchange for the recognition you’ll receive and the good will you’ll create by teaming up with Toys for Tots, businesses and corporations can make a difference by:

Monetary Donations

All cash donations are earmarked exclusively for buying toys from local retailers for direct distribution to the local community. As a government non-profit organization, the Marines have increased purchasing power as a result of their tax-exempt status. Local merchants also provide the program with substantial discounts on any toys we buy from them.

Providing Sponsorship for Specific Toys for Tots Events, including:

San Jose Holiday Parade

San Jose’s very own parade is a success every year, with a total viewing audience of over 50,000. Local radio celebrities ride the Toys for Tots float alongside the Marines and various committee members. The entire event is televised every year on KNTV, Channel 11.

Stuff the Bus

Formerly known as the Super Saturday Toy Collection, Stuff the Bus is an all-day ‘drive-through’ toy collection event that takes place at Downtown San Jose’s Christmas in the Park. It’s amazing and inspiring to see a Valley Transit Authority bus as it is filled to the brim with new toys. This year, KNTV/KBWB and KBAY will be on hand for the event -- greeting people, collecting toys and signing autographs. Corporate sponsors can get involved by providing giveaways to toy donors and by displaying their logos on the outside of the VTA bus.

Donating New Unwrapped Toys

As the Marines would say, our primary objective is to collect and distribute toys. Arranging a toy collection program within your business or corporation makes you a partner in this mission, and is a great way for you to help us reach our goals.

Providing Toy Drop-off Locations

Setting up toy collection boxes at your workplace gives Toys for Tots added visibility inside your business or corporation. These familiar drop-off boxes are a convenient and fast way for your company’s employees, customers and associates to donate toys. It also shows that you’re committed to helping the community and are aligned with one of the finest children’s charities in the world. To participate, all you have to do is holiday wrap a large box and decorate it with this year’s Toys for Tots poster. When your box or barrel is ready to be picked up, call (408) 286-6501.

Collecting Toys

Collecting toys at holiday parties or organizing a group caravan to drop-off toys collected at a specific Toys for Tots event is a great way to help, too!

And there’s more…

Uniformed Marines may be available to attend corporate events, meetings or social gatherings to support and represent your Toys for Tots efforts. This is their opportunity to thank you personally for your generous donations. The San Jose Marines will also be happy to make a brief presentation explaining the Toys for Tots program to your employees and associates.

If you ever need more details about the Toys for Tots program, please do not hesitate to call either myself, the San Jose Marines or any Toys for Tots Committee member.

We will continue to thrive and grow with your support. Everyone on the Santa Clara County Toys for Tots program is looking forward to working with you during this holiday season.

Sincerely,
Sylvia Manker
Chairman, SCC Toys for Tots Committee

In 1868, Brigadier General Jacob Zeilen, the 7th Commandant of the U.S. Marine Corps, approved the Eagle, Globe and Anchor as the official emblem of the Marines. The emblem consisted of an American Eagle with wings spread, standing majestically on the Western Hemisphere of the terrestrial globe. In the Eagle’s beak there is a scroll, inscribed with the words “Semper Fidelis”, which means “Always Faithful.” The hemisphere is superimposed on an anchor to make the emblem complete.

In 1954, General Lemuel C. Shepherd Jr., the 20th Commandant of the Marine Corps, modified the emblem by “fouling” the anchor with a length of rope.

The U.S. Marine Corps has been involved in helping provide toys to children in need during the holiday season for over 50 years.

The three signature symbols of the Toys for Tots program are:

A Raggedy Ann Doll, the very first Toys for Tots toy donated.

The three-train Toys for Tots logo, designed by Walt Disney in 1948.

A Marine attired in dress blue uniform.

Secretary of War James McHenry first authorized the famous Marine Corps blue uniform on August 24, 1797. This highly distinctive uniform incorporates many traditions of the Marine Corps. Navy blue was selected because it is an inconspicuous color of the ocean and is employed generally by the naval forces of all countries. The pattern and trimmings of red and gold were selected to make the uniform unique. Although the red edging or piping on the coat was used primarily for decoration purposes, it should also be noted that John Paul Jones dressed his Marines in red uniforms. The early organization, duties and regulations of the American Marines were patterned after the ways and customers of their forerunners – the British Marines. Although the Marines today wear a variety of uniforms for different occasions, activities and events, the traditional dress blue uniform remains the uniform that truly sets the Marines apart from all others.

Fergie's "London Bridge" is Stolen

Fergie is the new queen of musical unoriginality. Her song, “London Bridge” is a flat-out rip-off of several different tunes produced by other artists. She saw what songs were doing well, and decided to shoplift them! It’s so blatant and obvious that even an old 48-year-old geezer like me who really doesn’t have any business listening to these songs can clearly see it. In journalism, we call this plagiarism. In music, it’s just called stealing. I really hope Nelly Furtado (Maneater) or Gwen Stefani (Hollaback Girl) decide to sue Fergie for this blatant lack of class. I hate it when artists steal from other artists. It goes completely against what creative types stand for in the first place. I always thought Fergie’s music was drivel. Now I am even more disgusted because I know it’s stolen drivel. It’s not even her drivel!

This Week's Restaurant Review: Aqua in SF

People ask me if there are any restaurants I don’t like and I tell them of course. It’s just that I do my homework and really scout these places before I eat there. That way I have a good time and enjoy a great meal. Believe me, when I do find a place that I don’t like, I will not hesitate to write a bad review. In the meantime, here’s a review of another restaurant that is absolutely incredible.

AQUA

I have never been a huge fan of really expensive, high-end cuisine. For one, I’m a big eater who likes hefty portions. Two sprigs of parsley and a couple of slices of cucumber with a speck of pate or whatever doesn’t excite me. Plus, I’m not wealthy, so to spend $200 or $300 on a meal for two (which is not unusual in San Francisco) doesn’t really appeal to me either. So, when a close friend invited Angelina and I to a place called Aqua, I was skeptical. I looked at the menu online and saw a lot of expensive-sounding, very fancy entrees, and I thought, uh-oh – this is just the kind of restaurant I have attempted to avoid. Well, first impressions can be wrong, and I’m happy to say I had nothing to worry about. Aqua is amazing! The food, the atmosphere, the service, the whole package – all the way from the table cloths to the glassware to the plates – this place offers a five-star dining experience that is unsurpassed. I felt like royalty from the minute I walked in the door, like I was a guest at some really rich gourmet’s palatial home. The chef’s name at Aqua is Laurent Manrique, who several years ago was chosen Chef of the Year by Bon Apetit magazine. I can see why. His food is flawless in every way. The dishes we sampled on the evening we were there can best be described as innovative, unique and world-class. Nothing escapes this guy’s attention to detail. They say that genius is in the details, and in this case it couldn’t have been more appropriate. First, there was the service. Our waiter was one of the most professional, knowledgeable and just plain genuine servers I have probably ever had serve me. At a lot of these higher-end places, the waiters walk around with a large implement up their derriere, and heaven forbid if you ask them something they don’t feel like answering. I can’t stand that whole scene – when they roll their eyes or talk down to you or act superior just because they have the privilege of working at a nice establishment. There was none of this from our waiter. He was such a nice person that I really wanted to invite him to go out with us later and have a drink. But, obviously, he was busy. Then, there is the menu at Aqua. It doesn’t have a ton of items on it, which is always a good sign. I’m tired of those places that have 100 items on their menu. When I see that, I figure the place does a lot of things in a really mediocre way. It’s better, in my opinion, to concentrate on doing a few really special entrees correctly. I don’t want to diss Greek restaurants, but I’ve actually been to a few that try to offer their patrons every single dish ever created by the human race. I don’t trust a menu that features gyros, eggplant parmesan and sushi on the same page. But, I also don’t like the cheeseburger, cheeseburger, Pepsi, Pepsi thing were there aren’t enough items on the menu. So, it’s a fine line and Aqua walked it perfectly, featuring 10 appetizers, nine entrees and six desserts, each one sounding like a little slice of heaven. For $68, you can have one from each category, which is very reasonable. There are certain items, however, where there is an additional charge. For instance, if you decide you want to try the Osetra Select Caviar, it will set up back an additional $70. But, let me tell you – we tried it and it was worth every added penny. Accompanied with a caramelized onion tart and smoked sturgeon Crème Fraiche, the caviar was superb and came with toast, potato pancakes and a cornucopia of incredible condiments, like chopped egg, chopped scallions and more. It was a journey into gourmet nirvana and an experience I will not soon forget. We also tried the Trio of Cold Artisan Foie Gras (an additional $5), which features Smoked Torchon, Au Poive Terrine and Syrah poached Foie Gras. I know it’s not pretty what they do to the ducks to make the foie gras, but in this case, the poor little birds did not die in vain. It was incredible! We also had the Select Seasonal Oysters with a Red Wine Mignonette sauce. The only word I can use to describe this dish is not really a word. It’s more like a really satisfied grunt. After the appetizers, the culinary bandwagon of bliss just kept rolling down the track. We had the Ahi Tuna, which came with Sausalito Watercress, Yucca, and an incredible “au Poivre” Coconut Rum Sauce. It was excellent – the tuna was cooked just right and I would have been content to just drink a big vat of the sauce, maybe even bathe in it. We also tried the Scottish Salmon, which came with a Vidalia Onion Soubise, Cucumber and Radish Salad with a Turmeric Vinaigrette. Salmon isn’t normally my favorite fish, but this piece was so fresh I imagined that it had been pulled out of the bay just minutes before hitting the plate. To top of this trilogy of magnificence, we had the Brioche Crusted Halibut, with English peas, bacon and lettuce served with a Poultry Jus. The fish was expertly prepared, crispy and crunchy on the outside and moist on the inside. For dessert, we all had the Coconut Souffle with exotic fruit and chocolate pearls. It takes an extra 15 minutes to prepare, but who cares? It was the best soufflé I have ever had, not too sweet and just the right texture. If I had one small criticism about Aqua, it might be that the tables are right on top of each other. I leaned back a couple of times and actually elbowed the guy sitting at the next table. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, but I like to at least find one negative thing to say in my reviews, because otherwise I look like a total pushover. Aqua is located at 252 California Street in San Francisco and is open for lunch and dinner Monday through Friday and for dinner on Saturday. To go there without a reservation would just be silly. If you are looking for a complete dining experience with all the little things that will make it memorable, Aqua is more than worth it. When I left the place, I almost felt guilty that I had had such an amazing time there. As Wayne and Garth of “Wayne’s World” used to say, “We’re not worthy.”

You can see this review and many others on a great web site called: www.bayareacritic.com.