2006 MLB All-Star Game: The Americans Do It Again -- In Style! (But, will Bud Remember?)

What is it about the American League that causes the National League players to quiver in their cleats? Why does Bud Selig look confused in this photo? And why is he wearing a rain pancho? Did anyone see it rain? I think maybe time has caught up with 'Lil Buddy, and it was probably way past his nap time when this picture was taken. Maybe it's time to ramp up on the meds, I don't know. Every year it's the same old story in MLB baseball's NL vs. AL controversy. Actually, it's no longer a controversy at all -- the American League is dominant for a reason -- they're just plain better. Tough, hard-nosed NL stars turn into sniveling little leaguers every time they go up against the American League. When it comes to recent all-star games, interleague games and world series championships, the AL makes the NL look null and void. This evening's all-star game in Pittsburgh's PNC Park played true to form. With the AL down to its final strike, Michael Young (Rangers) hit a two-run triple off Trevor Hoffman (Padres) for a 3-2 victory that kept the Americans unbeaten for the past decade in all-star play. Behind David Wright's (Mets) homer and some risky,old-school baserunning, the NL took a 2-1 lead into the ninth and brought in Hoffman to close it out. But, the San Diego Padres' reliever, closing in on the MLB career saves record, failed to put this one away. He gave up a two-out single to Paul Konerko, (White Sox) who was replaced by pinch-runner Jose Lopez (Seattle.) Then, Troy Glaus hit a ground-rule double, which looked like a bad break for the never-say-die AL team when it bounced over the fence and they were unable to tie the game. But, Young came through in the clutch and delivered the big hit when it was needed most. When Mariano Rivera shut down the NL all-stars in the bottom of the ninth, it was all over, and the AL was victorious once more. This has to be getting old for the NL, because now the AL will have the home field advantage in this year's World Series once again. So, they've already set thesmelves up, in a way, to lose in October.
For a great blog about this year's All-Star game, visit: www.rubberarm.net. It's a well-written and highly entertaining recount of the entire affair.

Even Adrian Isn't Sticking Around for this Bloodbath!

"Rocky Balboa", the newest Rocky movie, is coming out. Like a drunk at a party who hasn't yet figured out what a fool he's making of himself, Sylvester Stallone must be high to do another bad Rocky sequel. At least in the last fiasco he was a trainer, which was somewhat believable. But, in this one he fights? Are you kidding me? Is it a comedy? Is it a musical? In the film, a brittle, spent and puffy-faced Rocky Balboa comes out of retirement, intending to fight a few low-profile local wannabe fighters. Why? What motivates him to do this? Couldn't he have just taken up Taebo or pilates? Eventually Rocky is approached to fight the reigning heavyweight champion, (Played by Antonio Tarver -- an actual fighter who in real life would make Sly his houseboy in ten seconds. Sly would last in the ring with Tarver in real life about as long as it takes you to say "Oh, sh..!" ) Anyway, Rocky's comeback sets off a media firestorm -- Howard Cosell even comes back from the dead for an exclusive interview. I'm sure the fight finale will be a doozy -- with both pugilists beating the crap out of each other for a good half-hour. I haven't seen the film yet, but I've heard that it ends with the loser being forced to watch "F.I.S.T", "Oscar", "Over the Top" "Judge Dredd" and "Stop! Or My Mother Will Shoot!" back-to-back. I mean, the original Rocky movie was so well-done -- I saw it with my first and only girlfriend in high school as a junior in 1976. Like most 16-year-old hormonal males I was so horny in 1976 that our cat was in trouble and didn't know it! I had never even french kissed a girl. I tried to get her to go with me to the drive-in, but her parents vetoed that idea, so we went to some theater in Pasadena. I tried to kiss her on the lips after the movie and she turned her head so that all I got was cheek. I will remember that film and that evening forever. Rocky was the ultimate underdog and Appollo Creed was the ultimate hot dog, so it made for a great fight at the conclusion of the movie. One of the best things about the story was that it paralleled Stallone's real life in so many ways. He had to do porno to survive in Hollywood, he worked as an usher at a movie theater and he was really poor. After watching the Ali-Bugner fight on TV in 1973, he wrote a script about a fighter who beats all the odds. Several studios were interested in producing the movie, but they wanted actors like Robert Redford and Ryan O'Neil to play Rocky. Stallone refused, because he wanted to play the part himself. It took major juevos for him to hold out until he found a producer to make the flick with him in the lead role. The message is that even the little guy can become a hero. It became a theme we saw in so many films after Rocky came out. I hope the original Rocky is considered a landmark movie, which I think it must be. That's why it's so sad to see a great actor and writer like Stallone making a film like this. Does he need the $$ that bad? Brace for really bad reviews, Sly! Here they come. I don't even have to see it to know it won't be as good as "Dude, Where's My Car?"

Some really excellent web sites about boxing are: www.laterounds.com (a boxing blog); www.thesweetscience.com or www.boxinginsider.com. If you're a Stallone fan and will always love him even when he makes bad movies like this one, visit: www.stallonezone.com. There's even a blog dedicated to the movie, it's: www.rockybalboablog.blogspot.com.

Her hubby stole, so he must go!! Our Loser of the Month is Matt Moline

(I've decided I will pick a "Loser of the Month" every month on my blog. I imagine I will never run out of people to pick, because there are always lots of losers out there. This month's winner (or loser) is Matt Moline. He beat out a strong list of candidates, including Starr Jones, Barry Bonds and Zinedine Zidane, the French soccer player who lost his cool and may have cost his team the 2006 World Cup)

I used to find comedienne Kathy Griffin ("My Life on the D List", "Suddenly Susan") very annoying, but now she's kind of grown on me. I still think she's obnoxious in a major way, but I also think she's funny and I like the fact that she doesn't care what people think of her. Some of her comedy is so irreverant and off-the-wall that it's cutting edge. Anyway, Angelina and I have really enjoyed watching her reality show, "My Life on the D List". One of the people we liked on the show was her husband, Matt Moline, who Kathy married in 2001. He's funny and witty in his own right, and acts as a perfect foil and straight man to Kathy's zaniness. Well, after the first season, word got out that Matt and Kathy were getting divorced. I was shocked. I was thinking, "Where else is this woman going to find someone to schlep her DVD's in the lobby while she's doing a comedy show (which Matt did) and do her hair? (which he also did regularly). For awhile they reconciled, but now I guess the marriage is really kaput. Why? Well, the other night Kathy went on Larry King Live and told everyone the reason for the breakup -- Matt stole over $72,000 out of her personal bank accounts! He probably thought it was the least he should get for peddling her DVD's and doing her hair! $72,000? What did he use the $$ for? It must be gambling, because at one point in the series, Kathy says to Matt -- "Go play your fantasy sports on your computer!" Well, honey -- he wasn't playing fantasy sports, he was betting on actual sports and playing with real money -- YOURS! What a jerk this guy is. He was married to a cash cow and he milked her a little too hard! LO-SER!! I would just like to take this opportunity to tell my lovely fiancee that I will NEVER steal from you. I will also NEVER sell DVD's for you or do your hair either!
If you want to see a really funny web site that deals with losers on the Internet, visit: www.losers.org. It's a very well-done site where you get to peek into the lives of losers throughout the world by reading all of the pathetic stuff they've put on their personal web sites.

The Annual Home Run Derby -- WHO CARES?

They held the annual MLB All-Star HR Derby last night in Pittsburgh, and I found it to be so meaningless and boring that I turned it off halfway through. Which says a lot, because there were no other sports on TV. Ryan Howard from the Phillies won it, beating the NY Mets' David Wright to give the Phillies their second straight HR Derby victory (Bobby Abreu won it last year.) After homering into the Allegheny River (fans in boats were retrieving the balls, just like they do here in SF at AT&T Park's McCovey Cove, but that river looked so polluted I wouldn't go near it!) Howard's fifth and deciding homer banged off a sign saying "Hit it Here" above the rightfield stands, meaning some lucky fan got 500 free round-trip air tickets. So, basically, major league baseball has turned the event into a game show. Where's Bob Barker? Where's Vanna White? What's behind door #2? Can I buy a vowel? Lobbing baseballs to these guys and watching them smack batting practice home runs is boring. If they want to make it realistic, put a AAA minor league pitcher in there and at least make these guys hit live pitching. Because the way they do it now is tedious. I would rather watch curling or tennis than watch this garbage. Change the format, change the event or do SOMETHING different, because right now even an avid baseball fan like myself can't sit through it without switching to the Cartoon Network.
For complete coverage for those who missed the HR Derby and still care about it, www.mlb.com has some good coverage, which they always do when it comes to baseball.

Viva Italia!!

They did it! The Italians won the World Cup! What an unbelievable game. I've been disappointed in this year's World Cup overall, because I felt the referees were giving out too many red & yellow cards, and I also hate it when so many players take dives and fake injuries every time they even so much as brush up against the opposition. I wanted one of three teams to win: 1.) USA -- and they absolutely sucked! I mean, Ghana beat them, a country the size of Rhode Island 2.) Britain -- Beckham can only bend it so far and really that's all he can do -- the guy is the ultimate one-trick pony, and 3.) Italy -- I supported them since I'm 1/2 Italian. And the paesans came through! With a record of 0-3 in World Cup games decided by penalty kicks, the Italians must have been a little concerned when it went to a shootout. The fact that one of France's best players, Zinedine Zidane, was kicked out of the game late in overtime for headbutting an Italian player probably hurt their chances a little, but when Trezegut, one of the few French players with fresh legs missed his penalty kick, the Italians saw an opportunity and took advantage of it. It was Zidane's final game and he went out looking like a thug. His headbutt was a cheap shot of the highest magnitude and was really uncalled for. I would compare it to something like Mike Tyson biting off a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear or Latrell Sprewell choking out his coach when he was playing for the lowly Golden State Warriors. (I was actually almost hired a few years back to do some ads for the Warriors, but they were really unhappy with the slogan I wrote for them: "The Warriors. We suck now more than ever.") I bet there are a lot of French people right now screaming "No Fair!" and most likely being really rude to everyone around them, but hey--Italy won it and they deserved to win. One thing I can say is that in the final I think they should not let the game be decided by penalty kicks. It's like a tie game in basketball being decided entirely by free throws. It's anti-climactic in my opinion. The only other time a World Cup Championship game was decided by a shootout was in 1994, when Italy lost to Brazil 3-2. Italy has won the World Cup 4 times now: 1934, 1938, 1982 and 2006. The next World Cup is in South Africa in 2010. Also, hats off to Germany for doing a great job as host of the 2006 WC. There were no major incidents between fans from different countries, although some British soccer hooligans eventually got bored with all the security and ended up beating the crap out of each other. I am sure they're celebrating like crazy over in San Francisco's North Beach right now, and I hope the vino flows all night. It will be hard to find Chianti or Peroni in any SF liquor stores tomorrow. Italy won the World Cup and all I can say is: "Viva Italia!"
For a recap of the entire World Cup 2006 as well as some really good writing about the tournament, visit www.worldcupblog.org. It's a fun blog with a lot of good content about WC 2006. Also, www.cbssportsline.com really stepped up for the World Cup and had some great coverage, which is no surprise!

The Big Night!

It's finally here. After almost 48 years without ever being married (or engaged for that matter) tonight I am proposing to my lovely girlfriend Angelina. I NEVER thought I'd be doing this -- I mean, after I turned 45 I figured marriage was a mine field that I had carefully and expertly navigated through without being blown to pieces. Many if not most of my friends have been married two, three even -- that's right -- four times, and for many years I feared that I too would suffer the same results if I were to get married. But, I have met the perfect girl and she's the best thing by far that has ever happened to me, so I'm thumbing my nose to all the naysayers and I'm taking the big leap -- that is, if she says "yes". We haven't discussed it that much, and she's not one of those women who is always pushing to get married -- so I really am hopeful she'll go with the program. If not, I just spent a s---load of money on a fancy piece of glass that I don't imagine they'll take back. So, we'll see. I know she won't read this before I pop the question, because she's scared to see what I'm writing on my blog and has stayed away from it altogether. One problem is that long ago I told many of my male friends that if I ever started talking marriage that they were to hit me in the face as hard as they could -- to really lay me out, to just cold-cock me. I hope they've all forgotten their promises, because otherwise I'm going to be walking around wearing a catcher's mask for the next couple of weeks to avoid getting my ass kicked. I'm taking Angelina to an Italian restaurant, the same place where we had our first date 2.5 years ago. I'm thinking of hiding the ring in our antipasti. If it all goes as planned, it will be THE greatest night of my life. If not, I may jump off the Bay Bridge. Speaking of the Bay Bridge -- to see how it will look after the construction is completed (20 years from now?) take a peek at: www.sfgate.com\baybridge.

Mickey Joseph is a Talent!

I have a good friend who is a consummate performer and entertainer and his name is Mickey Joseph. He currently resides in San Carlos and is raising two wild teenagers, so he has his hands full, to say the least. I first met Mickey in 1987 at a comedy open mic in Palo Alto at a place called Emerson's Bar & Grill. It was a hellhole for young upcoming comics back then, because people would go there just to heckle and hassle the comedians on stage. One night when I was emceeing the show, a young balding guy walked up to me and asked if I would take a minute to listen to some of his act. We went out on the back patio at Emerson's and he did his act for me in the dark. I was amazed. It was incredible. He did impressions, his physcial stuff was outstanding, his timing was on the money -- I was very impressed to say the least. So, I wasn't real surpirsed when I heard shortly thereafter that the guy was headlining all over the country. Mickey is an "old school" comedian, a throwback from the days of borscht belt comics and vaudeville performers. His imitation of Sergeant Bilko is so right on it's eerie! He's also a great person when it comes to supporting other young comedians on their way up. I began writing jokes for Mickey, and soon we became really good friends. He's helped me with my act and 2.5 years ago he introduced me to my lovely girlfriend (who will hopefully be my fiancee before this day is over.) Mickey currently stars in the incredible tribute to Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Junior and Joey Bishop that is playing to rave reviews all over the country. It was here in SF for quite a while at the Post Street Theater and should be coming back. Mick plays Joey Bishop and he does a really impressive job. He plays Joey his way and it works. In the business they'd say he has made the part his own. (By the way, Jeff Applebaum, another really funny comic and a friend of mine plays Joey Bishop in the show too -- he and Mickey cover for each other and do it in different cities). Mickey and I have also co-produced a series of shows at the Lil Fox Theater in Redwood City. "The Mickey Joseph Show" is a variety show with comics, music, magic and more. I also helped edit Mickey's autobiography, "What Would Do Corleone Do?", which is a really fun read and offers a glimpse into the man's hilarious boyhood and his ascent to success in comedy, music, writing and acting. For more on Mickey Joseph, check out his web site at: www.mickeyjoseph.com.
He's a great talent and you'll see him on TV one day, there's no doubt.

Where can you get good help these days?

I had planned to do some more blogging today, but my assistant, Ratdog, just called in sick. Can you believe it? My take on what happened is that he partied a little too hard last night, and now he has decided he wants a three-day weekend. I just know he's faking it. His timing couldn't be worse -- I have a VERY important day today and I need his help, but he's going to leave me in the lurch, the little runt! He said he thinks he has the bird flu. Hah! More like the bull---t flu, if you ask me. He's kicking back in his crate with his doggy toys right now and laughing at me. Let's see how much he's laughing when I get a cat to replace him!
For more information on how to deal with manipulative dogs, visit www.animal.discovery.com.

WATCH OUT FOR BLOG HATERS!!!

I have only been bloggin' for like two days now, and I have already run into the dreaded blog haters. I was warned about them, and I thought maybe it was just a legend like Big Foot or The Loch Ness Monster, but it's true. My brother, I hate to say it, may be one of them. When I asked him to take a quick look at my blog, you would have thought I was asking him to amputate his left testicle. People are afraid of blogs because they don't fully understand them and people fear the unknown. They think blogs are like a religious cult that they'll get sucked into and then they'll give the cult all their money and have to de-programmed years later just to get out alive! But, for those of us who know, that's not the case at all. Blogs are good. They're our friends. I love blogs.
To find out more about blog haters, visit this blog: www.kvnblogspot.com. It's called "Deviant -- The Blog for Blog Haters."

DON'T TRY THIS, FELLAS!!

Warning to guys out there: Do not try to take your girlfriend's picture while she's in the shower. This is a move that is best avoided at all costs. If you succeed, your ass is in a sling, and if you fail (as I did here), you're still on her s%#t list for making the attempt. It's a major lose-lose and is not recommended for healthy relationships. This is a warning from someone who knows. Please, fellas, take this advice to heart and avoid all the mistakes I've made!