If Fatty Had Only Lived Now..

Poor Fatty Arbuckle really had a tough life. If you don't know who he was, well--I don't have the time to take you through it right now. Google him. Anyway, the man was wrongly accused of a crime he didn't commit, in my opinion, which essentially ruined his career. In many ways, his life parallels a lot of other overweight comic actors, like Jackie Gleason, John Belushi, John Candy and Chris Farley. Fatty fought his demons, and one of the biggest of them was overeating. Let's put it this way--Fatty's eating habits made Babe Ruth look finicky. Maybe if he had lived now, when we have excellent diets and diet pills that work, he might have been able to lose that weight and get out of being typecast the rest of his life in funny guy fat boy roles.

Barack Has Had His Bombers

President Barack Obama will tell you that he hasn't had the best luck with cars in the past. In fact, he claims, he’s had some real clunkers along the way to the White House.
"The car I learned to drive on was my grandfather's Ford Granada," the president told an Indianapolis radio station during the campaign. "It may be the worst car that Detroit ever built. ... This thing was a tin can. They wanted to keep the cars big, so they made them out of tin foil. ... You basically couldn't go over 80 (miles per hour) without the thing getting out of control."
Now, we find out, courtesy of Bloomberg News that Obama drove a Fiat during college. During a meeting on Chrysler's planned tie-up with Fiat SpA, the president "recalled the mechanical problems that plagued his old car."
Better luck may await the President, however. Obama bought a Ford Escape hybrid during the campaign and regularly touts the vehicle including most recently at a White House event where he was surrounded by other auto CEOs and Ford Motor Co. CEO Alan Mulally.

Is Jacko Taking Care of Business?

Believe it or not, Michael Jackson and are are almost exactly the same age. He was born one day before me, so we're both 50. The other day when I found out that I have to do a colon cleansing, for some strange reason, I flashed on Michael. As well all know, the poor guy has had his share of problems (why didn't at least just one of his advisors tell him NO! when it came time for his first plastic surgery many years ago?). But, I thought to myself--how is his colon? No, seriously--do you think Michael has taken the proper precautions to make sure his colon is clean? If I could get to him, I'd tell him to do it. Get it done because you have to get it done, Mike!

TV Stand Smackdown with the Real Big 3!

I'll never forget it. I was five, my brother three. It was 1963. We were watching the Three Stooges. They were doing their patented knuck knucks, eye gouges and face slapping routine when my little bro decides to try out a few of his Stooge-like moves on me. Before I can react, he has me by the neck and is slamming my above average sized head into the TV stand. Mind you, he's only three!

He smacks me into the TV stand to the point where I'm dizzy, so I throw out my legs and send him flying across the room. He slams into the wall and rolls to the ground. The little guy's down for a few seconds, then gets back up, shakes his head like a dog who has just been hit by a car, picks up his security blanket, and joins me back in front of the TV like nothing has happened. Whew! I said. I thought I had killed him. What's my point? Part of the whole Stooges mentality revolved around the fact that they could both give and take a bunch. I love them for that!

Logo water bottles

Never underestimate the power of a good ad specialty. I have been working in the advertising industry in one form or another for a long time now, and I've found that people never tire of things like logo pens, logo water bottles, coffee mugs, baseball caps, etc. Folks flock to this stuff now more than ever, in fact. Why? Because we love little items we can tout around. But, mostly because it's free. If you own a business, putting your logo on stuff and giving it away is a great way to promote yourself. Think about it--how many logo pens do you have right now? How many logo magnets are on your refrigerator door at this very moment? We live for this stuff!

Man, I hate getting old...

This morning I stumbled into the bathroom and for an instant, caught my reflection in the chrome bathroom faucet. I looked like Barney Fife, but older and much more wasted looking. As we age, our facial muscles start to gimp out, our cheeks begin to sag and the rest of the head limps right along behind them. Pushing aside my dismay at being 50, I marveled at the beautiful bathroom faucet for a moment (available through http://www.faucet.com/, by the way) and I thought wow-isn't life strange. I never thought something like a bathroom faucet would even interest me. But, today they do.

Poster Child for Background Checks

Okay, here's the scenario. You're looking for a new CEO for your mega-million corporation. You're only interviewing top people; the cream of the crop; the top of the heap; the kings of the hill. Well, after an arduous 3-month search, you've found the best candidate for the job. He's got a resume that would rival Bill Gates, Steve Forbes and Larry Ellison COMBINED. He is articulate, super-skilled, highly intuitive and loaded with leadership qualities. If you had run a background check on him, however, you'd find out that his resume is fiction and his qualifications are bogus. In fact, his name isn't even his. The guy in this photo is Henry Hill, former Mafiosi and the main character of the film Good Fellas. Get the point? If you're renting a house or apartment to someone; hiring somebody or maybe just thinking about dating them, do a background check first!

Keep Cat Burglars Away

We have some cat burglars here in the neighborhood. We know because all of our dogs' toys are mysteriously missing. Certain kibbles are not to be found. We had some nice comfortable pillows and blankets in the closet--now gone. Milk is constantly missing from the refrigerator, and the other day I was looking for a can of tuna fish in our pantry--gone as well. Well, this larcenous little feline has committed a felony for the very last time. We're in the process of looking for one of the many excellent home alarm systems on the market today. Beware, pussies--you will not steal from us again.

Outer Banks Has a Ton of Foreclosures!

If you have read this blog in the past, then you know I have a dream spot where I want to live in at some point in my life. And the name of it is Outer Banks. It's a beautiful little coastal town in North Carolina that I love for a plethora of reasons--including the people, the climate, the ocean and the lovely homes. Well, there are a ton of foreclosures going on in Outer Banks. And it's sad. Families are having to sell their vacation homes due to this recession. So, as I have always said--when one door closes for some poor schmuck, well--a doors might just open for me. So, take a long, strong and serious look at some Outer Banks foreclosures. It's my dream spot, and who knows? It might just end up being yours too!

If Chris Had Only Known!

I am currently reading the biography about Chris Farley, the former comic actor on Saturday Night Live who also did a series of very forgettable films, and it is so sad because he had so many demons surrounding his problems with booze, drugs and food. If he had only had access to many of the great weight loss supplement products that are on the market today--well, he might still be here, making us laugh and laugh and laugh! Healthy, carefully designed and researched diet supplements are all the rage right now, and many people are getting great results from them. Check them out today, with the advice of your family doctor, of course.