When something in your life goes sideways, most of us go through the three stages--panic, realization and more panic. I tell people I am going to stay calm, until there's a reason to panic, and then let the panicking begin!
It's been less than two weeks since I was told that I might have prostate cancer, but it seems like it's been two months. In just 12 days I have changed and it's all for the better, as I've become more focused on what's important while shedding a lot of the crap I was carrying around.
I've always been impatient and sometimes act a little entitled. I get surly with people who don't agree with me about the fact that I am an amazing individual. I am a bad listener at times; thinking about the next brilliant thing I'm going to say as opposed to what someone else is sharing. I get upset about little things like the person in front of me in line at the 15-limit check stand with 16 items. I yell at people who cut me out off while driving, which happens almost every six minutes here in San Francisco. I dismiss people who don't interest me sometimes and that's uncool, because everyone has something to share. Often, I forget that each individual standing on the planet right now deserves their very own piece of the whole picture, whether it's a CEO of a large company or someone with nothing.
There's an older lady down the street who is in her 70s and works part-time at Safeway. She is actually a delight and a very sweet woman. She loves dogs and every time I encounter her on our street, she wants to say hello. If you stop, it could be a 20 minute detour and to be honest, she keeps telling me the same stories. She talks about her beloved cat that died in 1998 and how she still isn't over it. She tells me about all of the other dogs in the neighborhood, their names, the breeds, their ages--she knows it all. If she ever forgets her stories, I can recite them back to her word by word.
For a while, if I saw her when I was walking the dogs, I would act like I was on my cell phone or quickly duck down another street before she noticed me. But, since my recent incident, if I see her I approach her and let her talk. Yesterday, it must have been at least 30 minutes, to the point where she said that she had places to be and said goodbye. She blew me off!
Most of us live fairly cushy lives. We have our lattes or espressos in the AM; do yoga; take Uber to wherever; enjoy good food and all of the entertainment we want is right at our fingertips. Many of us get to work virtually or only go into the job four days a week. Sure, there are a lot of unpleasant things that we have to deal with--financial issues, health problems, traffic, relationship issues, politics, even a bad hair day now and again--and that can make us snarky and depressed.
So, how have I changed?
I no longer yell at people while driving. Some guy blatantly stole a parking space from me the other day. After he did it, he looked over at me, expecting me to react and I just smiled and waved. Normally, I would have sprained my middle finger flipping him off while finding some real spicy things to share with him, but I let it go.
Also, I'm not blaming Millennials anymore for all of society's ills and last week I actually talked to one, although she was texting the entire time.
I'm more patient. I saw the movie Black Panther the other day and this gentleman in front of us at the theater kept talking, but I let it go and he eventually shut up.
I still get mad and frustrated like any other human being, but I'm trying not sweat over the little things as much anymore.
So, what's my point? It's called re-calibration--like refreshing your computer screen or cleaning your pool--now and again we have to get some perspective and come back down to terra firma. We get caught in the labyrinth and start bouncing off the walls in the same patterns and that's when it's time to shake the bottle.
It always takes something significant to change my attitude and I've always said that all my lessons have been learned the hard way. But, after this is over, I promise myself that I will never take anything granted ever again, because life is a gift and you can't take it back to Macy's (even if you have a gift receipt).
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