Saturday, January 20, 2007

But Will He Lose His Sense of Humor?

Overweight comedy king Jeff Beacher has set himself a 1-year-goal to lose 100 lbs and run in next year's 3rd annual Las Vegas Marathon. His stomach, which looks like a large ass, has bothered him and others to the point where he has decided to get rid of it completely. He's also promised a "NO SEX" rule, with a $200,000 penalty he'll shell out if he fails the challenge. He told Luxe Life: "Since I moved to Vegas three years ago I have gained over 100 lbs." He now weighs in at a dangerous 370 lbs! Beacher added: "I love Vegas, the people, the lifestyle; and they love my stomach that looks like a big hairy butt, but I now know it's time to change. If I don't I will die and lose everything, I will transform myself from Hollywood Slob to Hollywood Heartthrob." Experts say if that is to happen, he’ll actually have to get a face transplant as well. The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino is backing him in the arduous undertaking. Odds right now at the sportsbook are 15-1 that Beacher will be able to lose the weight. The resort's Rock Spa trainers have created a special food and physical workout routine for him. Bernie Yuman, chairman of the Las Vegas Marathon has even hired him a dietician for proper meals and a running coach with personal trainer. Beacher is the 1st person signed on with the Las Vegas Road Runners club already for its official training program to enter next year's 26.2-mile Marathon. He'll add a motivational psychotherapist if he starts slipping at any point of the 12-month life-change. Beacher begins four days of running and two days of cross training when he returns from the weekend in Miami on Monday. "My lifestyle just hasn't been conducive to good health. Dining out several nights a week on high-calorie, high-fat meals could have been a killer," he said. "I’ve been asked to leave several buffets because I am such a pig. It's going to be a radical change to the way I've lived, but it has to be before it's too late. Most celebrities keep fit with power-workouts. Instead mine was power-eating." He confirmed that he's going to swear-off sex for the year-long battle and is even offering $100,000 to any female who breaks his vow of celibacy with a matching $100,000 to a charity." It's a total test of will power but at the end I'll be able to celebrate two successes! That's the ultimate goal: svelte, slimmed down and very sexy!"


Dr. Raul Garza said...

Is that his stomach or his ass? I have never in my life seen a stomach like that? And I'm a doctor!

Bill Goth said...

One man's stomach is another man's ass.

Tammy bartlett said...

If that guy can run a marathon in a year, I'll eat my panties with tabasco and a nice chianti.