Getting Old and Loving Life

Now that I am 50, I'm starting to think about things like old age and all that comes with it--bad knees, bad skin, bad flatulence, a bad back, bad hips, a balding scalp, rotting teeth and a whole lot more. The one thing they all share is the operative word "bad." Things I have never even thought about before--like Bingo, life insurance rates, knee braces, the cost of good chirpractic, the value of getting a good night's sleep, the pleasure of a complete bowel movement, eating without choking and watching a whole movie without falling asleep--these are my new values since I passed the half-century mark. Aging sucks, but what can you do? I plan on getting old with a sense of humor. I plan on having fun right up until the end.

How Healthy Are Your Dogs?

My friend's dog Magic died recently and I when I found out about it yesterday, I was quite upset. He was a great dog and a good friend of my buddy's for a long time, going with him everywhere. It made me think about I much I cherish my dogs and how bad I am going to feel when they finally pass on to another place. But, like they say--all dogs go to heaven--so hopefully if I can make it up there and re-join them at some point. That's why it's so important to get the right pet supplies for your pets. Keeping them healthy means they'll be around longer and will live better lives!

Rocky Horror in a Home Theater

We sat in Tico's home theater watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I have seen it over 50 times, but never tire of it. As I laid back, relaxing in the incredibly comfortable home theater seating, I looked at Tim Curry and marveled about how good he looked as a woman. Kind of like Bugs Bunny and Bob Hope.

"I love the part where Susan Sarandon gets semi-naked," Tico offered.

Who doesn't? I thought to myself.

"This is the scene where Meat Loaf almost cuts his hand off with a chainsaw."

The best part about watching Rocky Horror at home is that you don't have to put up with all the nerds in their ridiculous costumes, yelling stupid stuff at the screen and throwing things. One time a guy blew fake vomit all over me and another time I got squirted with some fake blood,

"Let's dance!" Tico said.

Who am I to argue? I said to myself.

Tico danced like a bear who had just taken a tranquilizer dart.

He'd pass out soon enough I figured. And then I could eat all the Dreyer's.

Progress Lighting

What do you know about Progress lighting? Are you aware of the fact that it's some of the most beautiful, well-designed and contemporary lighting available today? Hey, we're in some economic tough times, there's no doubt about it. So, why not protect your inve$tment and kick some dollars back into your house or condo? Progress lighting shows you know about the very best. It will last a long time and hold its value, which is more than I can say about a lot of things in this world. Go the right way when it comes to new lighting--go Progress!

Harley Parts

I don't ride on motorcycles. I wouldn't even know how to drive one. I have been on the back of a motorcycle maybe three times in my life and is scared the living h-ll out of me. So, you won't ever see me on one. But, I do like looking at them, especially Harley Davidsons. They are so well-made, so expertly designed, and so well, loud. Any time a Harley comes through this neighborhood, let's put it thuis way, you never have problems hearing it. I happened to come upon a great Web site for those of you out there who need Harley parts, and it's called. http://www.rayprice.com/. Check it out...and keep on ridin'!!

The Sinatra Club

Salvatore Polisi, long time mobster and witness for the prosecution that imprisoned John Gotti, has walked away from Federal Witness Protection to tell his life story of organized crime. Risking possible retribution, Polisi is betting against the odds and performing in a one-man show, called “The Sinatra Club,” the tale of his climb to the top of the Mob and all of the repercussions that came with it. The show runs through September 27th at the San Francisco Playhouse (536 Sutter Street near Mason).
Polisi’s 75-minute performance spans his two decades as a member of the New York organized crime scene. The play follows his true life adventures as a professional criminal, mobster and father. His recollections involve some of the most infamous mobsters in New York during the seventies and early eighties, ranging from John Gotti and Attorney Roy Cohn and his associates, to Tommy DeSimone, Henry Hill and Jimmy Burke (portrayed by Joe Pesci, Ray Liotta and Robert DeNiro, respectively, in the film“Goodfellas”).
We saw a performance of “The Sinatra Club” the other night, and were enthralled by Polisi’s stories and the overall approach he took to relating his life of crime and redemption. Polisi is a wonderful story teller and his tales were spell binding and kept us glued to our seats. He speaks to the audience in a casual manner that made us feel comfortable from the very start, even though he was talking about killing people, beating up pimps, and other violent crimes. To think that this man was once associated with some of the most well-known Mafiosi of our time and has survived to tell us his stories is in itself amazing.
When I tell my New York friends about how Polisi ditched the federal witness protection program to act and write a book, “The Sins of the Father” their first question is always the same—“Is he crazy?” But, believe it or not, it’probably not that bad a move—let’s face it, the Mafia isn’t as powerful as it once was; and Polisi is probably safe from any form of retribution. The people he associated with back in the day are either in prison or dead.
“The Sinatra Club” moves along briskly as Polisi talks about his indoctrination into the NY Mob and all that went with it. Some of his more notable observations include his boredom with dealing drugs (“You hand some guy the stuff and he hands you the money; it gets old real quick). The ground rules the madam at the local brothel laid down to him about her girls (“No kinky stuff, bondage or threesomes.”) and his wonderful descriptions of all the strange and fascinating characters he encountered—people with names like “Roundy” (a 350-lb. degenerate poker player) and two old-time bank robbers he once worked with, both of whom had spent half their lives in prison.
The producers of “The Sinatra Club” are exploring the possibility of taking their show to either New York or Las Vegas. The wise guys in those cities will undoubtedly flock to this performance and it should be a big hit there. I highly recommend this show and if you get a chance, you should really go see it next week as it ends its run in San Francisco.

A Funeral Intervention

Bill had passed away suddenly and I was damned if I was going to let his brother Hector fall by the wayside as well. A funeral is not the best time for an intervention, but it had to happen. It was now or never, I thought. I pulled Hector aside and let him know the facts.

"Okay, Heck (we called him 'Heck') I know you're on drugs and I want you to get into a drug treatment center. I don't want you to die young like your brother did. I want you in a drug treatment center today. The dying stops here."

"But, I only have one addiction left. I got off the sauce and I stopped smoking, you know that."

"So, what's your remaining addiction? Meth? Coke? Wii?"

"Uh, I don't really want to say. At least not here."

"Wipe that silly grin off your face or I'll do it for you. I don't care if it's your brother's wake or not. Tell me what you're addicted to right now or I'll let everyone here know you're still using."

"But, I..."

"No excuses, man. Spill it or I start talking. Your mom won't be happy when she finds out...."

"No, way...I..." Hector was starting to tear up and his face was reddening at an alarming rate."

"Tell me...now!"

"Okay, okay. If you must know, it's Taco Bell. I'm addicted to Taco Bell! I love the Enchirito, and the new Fajitas! I'm hooked, I admit it. Now get off my back!"

Wow, I thought to myself. It was worse than I imagined.

I wasn't going to solve this today. So, I backed off. The kid had been through enough already. But, I'll never stoop trying. I love this poor slob too much to give up on him.

(...to be continued...)

Leaping for Leptovox

I know I talk a lot about diet pills and I have gotten some e-mails asking me why. Well, they are several reasons. For one, I have had success with them. For another, I believe in them. And I only talk about those I have tried or received good reviews about from my network of dieting friends. One of these that I have recently encountered is called Leptovox. It is very similar in many ways to another one I just reviewed last week called Lipovox. From what I have been able to surmise, Leptovox is a little more high-end and targeted with its ingredients. I have heard that it's highly effective and very low-risk. As I have always said--do not take my word for it without checking with your doctor. Taking any of these pills or supplements without consulting your physician is just plain dumb!

Oprah Saves Me!

"Do I look fat?"

Guys, here's some advice that you can take to the bank. When a woman asks you that question, run as fast as you can.

"What?"

"Am I fat? Do you think I'm overwight?" Judee knew I had heard her and was quickly becoming annoyed.

"As compared to what?" I was dodging her like Barry Sanders.

"As compared to uh....an average, normal person."

"Well, that's hard to say...On the moon you'd weigh considerably less And on Venus, you'd...."

"Listen you $#%%@! answer the question or I am going to kick you right in the..."

I knew I had to come up with something fast.

"Hey, have you heard of Lipovox?"

"Lipo-what?"

I could see I had her attention.

"Yeah, it's one of those healthy dietpills. A college student invented it and it's all natural."

"So, it's healthy?"

"Pretty much. This college student was watching the Oprah Winfrey Show one day when dermatologist Dr. Perricone was on there talking about a diet he had created that helps people get rid of wrinkles. Perricone wrote a book called, "How to Look 10 Years Younger in 10 Days" that identified 10 "Superfoods." She ate all 10 foods, and although it didn't get rid of her wrinkles, she did lose 11 lbs. in 10 days. It was too hard for he r to eat all 10 foods all the time, so she took them and concentrated them into a pill, which is called Lipovox."

Judee smiled, nodded and waddled for the door.

(Moral: It pays to watch Oprah once in a while.)

Dr. Phil: Here's One Marriage Even He Can't Save!

The blogosphere is buzzing that Dr. Phil McGraw is splitting up with his wife Robin. It’s been a hot topic for several weeks now and it seems like another one of those stories that people are starting to believe.
Is it true? Well, at first I did not think so, but as they say – where there’s smoke there’s fire. And this story is smokin’! I think it would be comical, ironic and fitting for the man who saves marriages to watch his own disintegrate. I always thought the couple looked plastic together on TV—you know, forced smiles with gritted teeth.
I would not be surprised if Dr, Phil got caught getting a little something-something on the side. Sure, he’s no looker. But, women love power, and whether you like him or not, Dr. Phil has a very powerful and confident demeanor. Chicks dig that.
Regardless, the news (if true and I am not saying it is) will not help the Doctor. In the San Francisco Bay Area, they recently moved his show from prime time to a late afternoon slot. Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not.
Here is the latest news on the alleged break-up, courtesy of Globemagazine.com:
"TV shrink Dr. Phil makes a living dishing out advice to others - but now, he may be in need of some himself to save his own marriage - as insiders reveal he's flying into jealous rages over his wife Robin. GLOBE's sources bare the shocking details of Dr. Phil's marriage crisis."
About.com's Dr. Phil and Robin McGraw Divorce Rumors report fueled the speculation:
"Could the self help guru need a little romantic assistance of his own? Following recent whispers that Dr. Phil and Robin's marriage could be in trouble, Access Hollywood did a little investigating into the matter.
When they checked in with Oprah Winfrey's BFF for a response to the gossip, they were given the standard "no comment" and sent on their way. Interestingly enough, this week's episodes revolve mostly around marital issues. Maybe Dr. Phil should start taking his own advice for once. "