Oprah Saves Me!

"Do I look fat?"

Guys, here's some advice that you can take to the bank. When a woman asks you that question, run as fast as you can.

"What?"

"Am I fat? Do you think I'm overwight?" Judee knew I had heard her and was quickly becoming annoyed.

"As compared to what?" I was dodging her like Barry Sanders.

"As compared to uh....an average, normal person."

"Well, that's hard to say...On the moon you'd weigh considerably less And on Venus, you'd...."

"Listen you $#%%@! answer the question or I am going to kick you right in the..."

I knew I had to come up with something fast.

"Hey, have you heard of Lipovox?"

"Lipo-what?"

I could see I had her attention.

"Yeah, it's one of those healthy dietpills. A college student invented it and it's all natural."

"So, it's healthy?"

"Pretty much. This college student was watching the Oprah Winfrey Show one day when dermatologist Dr. Perricone was on there talking about a diet he had created that helps people get rid of wrinkles. Perricone wrote a book called, "How to Look 10 Years Younger in 10 Days" that identified 10 "Superfoods." She ate all 10 foods, and although it didn't get rid of her wrinkles, she did lose 11 lbs. in 10 days. It was too hard for he r to eat all 10 foods all the time, so she took them and concentrated them into a pill, which is called Lipovox."

Judee smiled, nodded and waddled for the door.

(Moral: It pays to watch Oprah once in a while.)