The 50 Worst Pick-up Lines of All Time

Back before I met my incredible fiancee (known here as Angelina) I must admit I was pretty successful with the ladies. I dated more than my share of models, actresses and cheerleaders (see photo). How did I do it? Well, first off--I avoided these lame pick-up lines.

There are three basic categories within the genre known as the pick-up line. Anyone who has ever tried their hand at this art form knows that certain lines can be more effective than others, depending on the location, atmosphere and attitude of the recipient.

The first type of pick-up line is the direct, no-nonsense approach. Two things can happen with this type of line. If it works, it’s because the person you’re delivering it to respects your truthfulness and sincerity. If it fails, you’re probably being punished for being unoriginal.

The second type of pick-up line is the funny kind. A silly, wacky, cute pick-up line can work if the other party enjoys humor and creativity. A contemporary reference referring to a movie, celebrity, book or TV show illustrates that you’re up on the news and don’t spend all your time in nightclubs and bars. The downside of this type of line is that if the person you’re hitting on doesn’t get the joke or understand the reference, you’re in trouble. Like a standup comic who is bombing, there is little chance of coming back when you’ve initially failed with a pick-up line from this category.

The third group is the witty pick-up line. This is a well-thought out play-on-words that catches the subject by surprise with its thought-provoking nature. This is a good way to go, primarily because it can’t be misconstrued as being offensive or too direct. There’s a very good chance you’ll get an A for effort with the witty line. The only thing that can really go wrong with a line from this category can occur if the person you’re talking to is not too bright and doesn’t understand the line.

Stale, old pickup lines are tortuous, while a well-timed, witty line expertly delivered is magic. The goal of any pick-up line is to get the opportunity to continue the conversation. A failed pick-up line can lead to rejection, chastisement, or in the worst-case scenario, physical abuse. When it comes to a good pick-up line, it’s very similar to a good meal. Presentation is very important to the success of both. Confidence, timing and enthusiasm are all vital components to a winning pick-up line’s delivery. Basically, it’s the opening salvo of a sales pitch. If you can’t get in the door, you can’t make the sale.

Now that I’ve given you my overall theory on pick-up lines, here are the ones that I’ve chosen as the 50 worst. I left off the most horrendous pick-up line ever (What’s Your Sign?), because it’s become so over-used that it’s actually considered retro now and has made an incredible comeback. After countless hours hanging out in singles joints from New York to Honolulu, here are the ones I’ve selected as the 50 worst of all-time:

1. Just call me milk; I'll do your body good.
2. Your body's name must be Visa; because it's everywhere I want to be.
3. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
4. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
5. Want to play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.
6. Excuse me; do you have your phone number? I've seem to have lost mine.
7. I'm new in town -- can I have directions to your house?
8. If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, could I visit you between the holidays?
9. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
10. Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
11. I can't find my puppy; can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
12. If you’ll sit on my face I’ll guess your weight.
13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby you’re the bomb.
14. If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
15. I think I’d look good on you.
16. You must be named Jelly, because jam doesn’t shake like that.
17. Was your dad a farmer? Because I’m loving those melons.
18. Are your legs tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
19. Hi, I’m a necrophiliac. How good are you at playing dead?
20. You must be Jamaican, because you’re Jamaican me crazy?
21. You look like a girl who has heard every line in the book. So, how bad is one more going to hurt?
22. Do you have a cell phone? My mom told me to call her when I find the girl of my dreams?
23. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
24. Somebody better call God, because He’s missing an angel!
25. Are you busy tonight around 3 AM?
26. Can I borrow a quarter? I want to your mother and thank her.
27. Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.
28. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
29. I’m new in town. Can you give me the directions to your apartment?
30. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
31. Was your Dad an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on this planet!
32. Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?
33. Your eyes are blue like the ocean and right now I’m lost at sea.
34. Do you know karate? Because your body is really kicking!
35. If you were a laser, you’d be set on stunning.
36. Excuse me, do you have any raisins? No? Well, can I at least have a date?
37. Do you have a Band Aid? I just scrapped my knee falling for you.
38. Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my ass? Some little kid with wings just shot me.
39. I just moved you to the top of my “To Do List.”
40. If you don’t want to have kids with me can we at least practice?
41. Were you arrested earlier? It's got to be illegal to look that good.
42. I hope you know CPR, because you just took my breath away.
43. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
44. Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
45. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.
46. If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.
47. Do you know that your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated?
48. Got two nipples for a dime?
49. One way or another I'm going to make love to you tonight but I'd rather you be there.
50. Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Las Vegas: Two Words that Mean So Much!

What hasn't been said about Las Vegas? They say that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but the only thing that stays in Vegas when I'm there is my hard-earned cash. Oh well--it doesn't matter. Because I still love Vegas in a BIG WAY, what else can I say? LV is for me and that's plain to see. What excites me most about Las Vegas? Is it the shows, the casinos, the girls, the attractions, the restaurants or the buzz on the strip? Well, my friends, readers and fellow bloggers--it's all of these and much, much more. If you're looking for a great way to save on your Las Vegas travel, click the link here and visit a site called http://www.shermantravel.com/. When it comes to Vegas, they know their stuff!!

The Dilemma with Diet Pills

If you're taking diet pills, (and many of us have from time to time) you can find yourself in a quandry. The better diet pills are really the only ones to take--they're safer and higher rated and are much more reliable. Then, if you want to save a few bucks and get a knockoff brand, you take the risk of taking inferior pills. That's why you should know where to get cheap diet pills over the Internet. Save money while staying safe. And then, when you lose the weight, you'll find a smile on your face. You will then enter a very happy space.

So Close, Yet...My interview with Stefan Wever

Stefan Wever is a guy I know who owns a bar in San Francisco I frequent now and then. For the longest time, I bought drinks from the man, knowing him only as a big guy who knows a lot about sports and is fun to talk to. I saw him around town, at SF Giants games and in North Beach and he was always pleasant. I didn’t know his story until a buddy of mine told me the details.
I find his tale fascinating, because he came so close to baseball stardom at the highest level, only to have it come crashing down with one pitch. And yet, he’s completely okay with the entire experience. Stefan is a really smart, very honest and extremely likable individual.

When I sat down to talk to him about his brief career in the major leagues, Wever was candid and sincere. At the end of the interview, I asked him to tell me some of his funniest baseball stories. He winced and declined, saying that all of his really funny stories were X-rated. “Maybe one day,” he told me. He also said that if I hang around enough, he might also show me the tape of his one and only major league appearance.

Here’s a little background on Stefan, compliments of Wikipedia:

Wever graduated from Lowell High School in San Francisco in 1976. After dominating the San Francisco section in high school, Wever lettered at the University of California at Santa Barbara, where he garnered interest from numerous professional scouts. At 6’8”, 240 lbs., Wever was an imposing, fire baller with a great fastball, curve and changeup. When he was on his game, he was virtually unhittable.

After finishing his career at UCSB, Wever was drafted into the New York Yankees organization. In 1982, after winning the Southern League(AA) Pitcher of the Year award, accomplishing the rare Pitcher's Triple Crown (leading the league in wins, ERA, and strikeouts) he made the rare jump from AA to the major leagues.

Wever’s first and only major league appearance came against the Milwaukee Brewers on September 17, 1982. He pitched for 2⅔ innings, but tore his rotator cuff in the process, ending his career. He is one of the few pitchers to face two future Hall of Famers as his first two batters—Paul Molitor and Robin Yount.

Wever continued his education during the off-season while rapidly climbing through the Yankee system at the University of California at Berkeley from where he received a BA in English Literature.

Now retired from the game of baseball, Wever owns the Horseshoe Tavern, a popular and legendary San Francisco bar, is an accomplished pianist, voracious reader, doting father to his 15 year old daughter, and coaches teenage boys in the science and art of baseball.

On his injury: “What if Pavarotti ruined his voice on his first night singing as a tenor? That’s how I felt when I hurt my rotator cuff. It might be an egotistical way of looking at it, but that’s how I feel. I keep myself going by knowing in my heart that I was one of the very best there was when I was 100%. I could have had a great career, but it didn’t happen. I can’t dwell on it, although when it first happened, I must admit that I was shocked and bitter.”

On his call up to the Yankees: “We had just won the Double-A championship for Nashville and I won 18 games that season for them. I figured the season was over and I was headed back to San Francisco. But, my manager at the time, (the late Johnny Oates) called me into his office. My pitching coach was Hoyt Wilhelm, the great knuckleball pitcher, and he was there too. When I saw them sitting there, I figured I was going up to the Yankees’ Triple-A club in Columbus. But they told me, ‘You’re going to New York.’

On his arrival in the Big Apple: “The taxi pulled up to Yankee stadium and I couldn’t believe how awesome the place looked. As I walked through the players’ entrance, a bunch of fans were waiting around, and they yelled out my name and some of my stats in Double-A. I was surprised that they could be that knowledgeable about a player who had never played in the Bigs. Then when I entered the locker room, it was pretty surreal. The first person I met was Pete Sheehy, the legendary Yankees clubhouse guy. I figured, I’m some kid from Double-A, I’ll probably get some locker in the corner with number 99 or something. But my locker was in the middle of the room and they gave me number 25, which was Tommy John’s old number. I looked to my right and there was Dave Winfield. I looked to my left and there was Goose Gossage. What more could a rookie ask for? The guys were great and really made me feel at home. Ron Guidry came up to me and said, ‘Welcome to the New York Yankees.’ Dave Winfield took me aside and started telling me about all of the high-end men’s clothing stores in the big cities in the American League.

On a poker game that first night: “The team went on the road that next day so we flew to Baltimore. When we got to the hotel, they gave me a really nice, big suite. Rookies never get rooms like that, but a catcher for the Yanks, a guy named Barry Foote, had left the team for personal reasons; so they gave me his room. Pretty soon, the word got out—‘the rook got the suite.’ I ended up hosting a poker game that night and it didn’t finish up until 6 am. I thought, wow—this is fun. I like it up here in the majors.”

On his one and only MLB start: “It was my sixth day in the majors and we were in Milwaukee playing the Brewers. They called them ‘Harvey’s Wallbangers’ back then, because Harvey Kuenn was their manager and they had a great lineup. They were on their way to the World Series that season. It had rained during the day and the mound at County Stadium was muddy. The first two guys I faced that day are now in the Hall of Fame—Paul Molitor and Robin Yount. I don’t know if that’s a record or not. Well, Molitor hit a six-hopper through the right side for a single and Yount hit a double, scoring Molitor. The next batter was Cecil Cooper and I threw him a really good changeup, but he hit it to centerfield, where Jerry Mumphrey misplayed it. That should have been the first out. Ted Simmons was up next and he hit a ground ball through our shortstop’s (Andre Robertson) legs. That should have been the second out. The next batter was Gorman Thomas and he hit it a mile—a 3-run homer. That’s when I felt a twinge in my shoulder. But, hell if I was coming out. I kept pitching and they kept hitting, and by the time they took me out I had pitched 2 2/3 innings, gave up six hits, nine runs (eight earned), walked three, struck out two, gave up one HR and threw three wild pitches. We lost, 14-0. It just wasn’t a good game for us. But I had no idea it was my last game.”

On the aftermath of his injury: “I didn’t pitch again in 1982 and I began to feel pain the first time I picked up a ball over the winter. The Yankees told me to take it easy, which I did. When I went to spring training in ’83, Billy Martin was the new Yanks’ manager. He told me that I was going to be his #5 starter. Billy liked big, hard throwing guys and that’s what I was. Or had at least been at one time. What we didn’t know until a little later was that my arm was done. I used to throw 95 and now I was maxing out at 85. I went to see an expert and in two minutes he knew that my rotator cuff was fully torn. I tried to make a comeback at AAA, but I was simply delaying the inevitable. My baseball career was over.”

On his recurring dream: “ I still have this dream all the time, and sometimes it’s really vivid. I’m on a field, but it’s more like a cow pasture. Don Mattingly’s there. Buck Showalter’s also there. All my teammates are there. And I’m there, trying to get back into the major leagues. But, I never quite make it to the field.”

The Wild Parrots of SF: They're Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccck!

For the first time today, I saw them in the juniper bushes outside my window. There were only three of them, but they were making enough noise to wake up the entire neighborhood. They're back! The wild parrots of San Francisco, like the swallows of San Juan Capistrano, have returned to feed on the juniper berries from the bushes on our street. Now we'll see them for the next 8 weeks or so, sometimes as many as 15 of them all in one bush. There's an electricity in the air once more. Summer has officially begun. The parrots are back!

Phentermine: The Real Story

What do you really know about Phentermine? I mean, REALLY KNOW? A lot of pretty intelligent folks have been praising Phentermine, but what EXACTLY IS IT?
Well, here's the skinny on Phentermine. It is approved as an appetite suppressant to help reduce weight in obese patients when used short-term and combined with exercise, diet, and behavioral modification. It is typically prescribed for individuals who are at increased medical risk because of their weight and works by helping to release certain chemicals in the brain that control appetite. It controls the brain. man! So, you don't crave things. And it's totally approved. Think about it!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, the memory

If you are computing right now, chilling in front of your PC and entering the cyber world in a very real way, then you know better than anyone that you need to buy memory and loads of it. I bet the little hacker in the photo above would just love having more memory. Well guess what--he knows where to buy it. Do you? As we become more totally dependent on our personal computers, going to them for answers to the questions that keep flowing through our minds, computer memory is more important and buying the right memory that suits you is more crucial than EVER B-4!! Don't forget about memory. That's really what I am trying to say. Don't let this little punk get over on you. Take him down with some new memory for your computer!

I Got No Beef With Kobe! Lakers in 7!!

Tonight the NBA Championship Series begins. The Lakers and the Celtics, old foes who have not been on top recently, are ready to do battle before the entire world. It’s a story with all of the right characters—from the sage coach (Phil Jackson) to the cagey veteran (Kevin Garnett) to the most talented player since Michael Jordan displaying his incredible skills (Kobe, of course!)

When Los Angeles defeated the San Antonio Spurs in Game 5 of the West finals, Lakers fans were heard chanting: “Bring on the Celtics!” Boston knocked off the Detroit Pistons in six games to make all those wishes come true.

In the end, after a very tough and physical series, I believe that the Lakers will win it in 7. Both teams will be victorious on the road through the first six games, but then the Lakers will do it twice to capture the crown.

Both Los Angeles Lakers and Boston Celtics fans have been anticipating a final showdown between their two teams. The NBA and the media are just as excited. It’s big-name marquee basketball and it’s creating electricity throughout the country.
According to their regular season records, and head to head match-ups, the Celtics are favored to win the series. Boston was the best team in basketball this year and no one will argue that. But, they limped through the playoffs and showed that they can be beaten.
If we are talking about the Lakers, it is a no-brainer that they win the battle at shooting guard. Kobe Bryant is the best there is in the NBA. The comparisons with Michael Jordan are beginning to reach new heights. He simply is the best closer in the game right now. A deadly weapon that was able to single handedly elevate the Lakers from a 20 and a 17 point deficit in the conference finals.
On the other side you have Ray Allen. When his shot is on, he is so hard to stop. He has an incredibly quick release on his shot that it is hard to alter it, let alone block it. The key for the Celtics will to get Ray going early, as that would make Bryant use more energy on the defensive end. Still, that would merely slow Kobe a little bit, but no one can stop him.
The balance of power shifts at the small forward spot. Lamar Odom is a crafty player. Probably the best third option in the league right now. Alas, he is no match for Paul Pierce. Pierce could match Bryant point for point in a game, he is that good. Unfortunately his low-post game (or lack thereof) can be exploited, and Odom is the right man for the job.
Coach Doc Rivers had better devise a plan of what to do when the Lakers make Odom go to the post to abuse Pierce with some low-post plays. One viable solution would be to make Pierce guard Vladimir Radmanovic, and allow Garnett to go up against Lamar.
Speaking of which, the straight up power forward battle will be weighed by KG and Radmanovic. This one, of course is a no contest. Radmanovic has provided some steady defense at times, but his lack of aggressiveness will not allow him to cause too much trouble for Garnett.
KG simply is the best all around big man in the league. He also gives 100% effort every time. Too bad he has been settling for his jumper too often in this post-season. For the Celtics to win this, he is going to have to take his game into the post more often (much like he did against the Lakers in both of their meetings in the regular season).
The center spot is tough to judge. Pau Gasol definitely has the edge, but every now and then Kendrick Perkins puts in a performance that even Hall of Fame greats would be proud of. He is a young talented big man who can lock down the middle when his game is on. His offense is mostly limited to dunks and put backs, but he is a streaky scorer, and if he can get a few shots to fall, the increase in his confidence definitely improves his game.
Gasol is another proven winner within the Lakers. The leader of the world champion Spanish national team has a different role with his NBA squad, where he is merely the second option. Of course this bodes well for him, as his basketball IQ is high, and he can pass and score with the best of them.
The battle of the benches will be critical. It’s basically Los Angeles’ bench mob vs. the retirement center of the Celtics. The Lakers bring in young guys who can up the tempo of the game, and create crucial runs. The Celtics? They have opted for the veteran savvy of guys like Sam Cassell, James Posey, PJ Brown. These guys will definitely not crumble against pressure, but can they keep up with the pace of the Lakers offense? At this moment I am not too sold on this idea.
The coaching battle is probably the most one sided affair. Doc Rivers has yet to prove he belongs with the top coaches in this league. His decision making in the play-offs has been questionable at best. Yet he has managed to guide the Celtics this far, and a finals victory might just be the proof of his coaching acumen. Phil Jackson has more rings than any other active coach. He is considered to be the best currently at his job, and he probably has some extra motivation from losing his last final.
In all, this will be a closely fought finals that is hard to predict. It will all come down to whether the Lakers can win one of the first two games in Boston. If they can do so, I don’t see the Celtics fighting back. It should go a full seven games, with the Lakers taking Game #7.
(Portions of this article were taken from www.cbs.sportsline.com; www.sportsonthestreet.blogspot.com and www.si.com.)

First Salmon Aid a Success!

We went to the Salmon Aid concert and festival this weekend at Jack London Square in Oakland and it was a blast. It featured some great music, awesome food, and a bunch of people educating others about the current tragic state of our salmon in this state. Some of the highlights for me included watching some great musicians, including Saul Kaye (middle photo) and John Craigie (bottom photo). We also had some incredible seafood. Remember--only eat wild salmon. And get more information abotu saving the Pacific salmon!

Ostrich Feathers

Even though they cannot fly, ostriches have feathers that are highly coveted, especically for use at big fancy events, like weddings. Ostrich feathers are beautiful and elegant and if you're planning a big party or event, you should take a look at purchasing some for table settings, etc. People do all kinds of special (and a little off-beat) things to enhance their weddings. I have a friend who sells live butterflies to people. They're very popular at outdoor weddings. Letting the butterflies go is always something to watch. Ostrich feathers aren't cheap. But, they can add some elegance and class to a party, anniversary or wedding. Ostriches are tough, ornery birds that will kick your butt if you get near them. But, their feathers are cool.