Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Will There be a 7th Inning Scoot?


Is there anything better in this world than dogs and baseball? If there is, I’m having a hard time thinking of it. Every year, both the A’s and Giants have what they call their "Dog Days of Summer". The Giants have been doing it for ten years now. People from all over the bay area converge at the ballpark for a great day or evening with their personal pooches by their sides. I took Ratdog last year, but we had to leave the game early when the home plate umpire made a series of bad calls and Ratty started barking at him. Pretty soon all of the dogs in our section began barking, and we were politely asked to leave. Even a little deaf dog like Rat knows the difference between balls and strikes. Here are the details on the 2 events:

This Saturday night (Aug. 5) the SF Giants are hosting their Dog Days of Summer event during the game against the Colorado Rockies. Seats are limited, and you need to register in advance. You have to register by mail only, so if you want to go, you need to get on it today. Special bleacher seat tickets are $48 for fans with a dog (wow-expensive date) and $24 for their dog-less friends. Cats are not invited. $1 from every Dog Days ticket goes to the San Francisco SCPA. Each mutt gets a special souvenir – a personalized vial of steroids autographed by Barry Bonds -- and there’s a doggy parade around the field and a canine costume contest. It’s a great opportunity for your pet to experience major league baseball and growl at the opposition. There’s also a special patch in right field where your dog can do his business (just kidding!) To get the registration form, you need to call (415) 972-2356. Ask for Lassie.

On August 15, the A’s welcome dogs to their night game against the Seattle Mariners. You must submit your applications by August 11th. (“My dog is a Virgo; he likes Barry Zito but is still upset that the team traded Tim Hudson.") Only the first 500 mutts will be accepted. Each dog in attendance gets an A’s bandana, a copy of the book “Money Ball”, and his or her very own personal agent. There’s an all-you-can-eat kibble buffet, a fur ball coughing distance contest, Dalmatian dot races and a leg lifting competition. The winning dog gets to be in the manager’s doghouse for a week. (But, only if Esteban Loaiza or Milton Bradley isn’t already in it.) Tickets are $15 for fans with dogs with $5 of it going to an organization called Dogs4Diabetics, Inc. You can apply for tickets to this event at: https://secure.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/oak/ticketing/dogday_form.jsp.

Monday, July 31, 2006

"Benchwarmers": Don't Waste Your Time Even Reading This Review!



In 500 years, whomever is still around will see this film and they'll fully understand why our civilization is no longer on the planet. "Benchwarmers" is one of the most inane movies I have probably ever seen. If every single copy of this debacle is destroyed it would be a favor to mankind. I could spend some time telling you what it's about, but I've already wasted almost 2 hours of my life watching it and frankly I'm numb. This mini-review is my way of saying thanks for reading my blog. Hopefully I can spare you the pain of sitting through this fiasco. I can usually stomach movies like this if they have a few good scenes in them, but this piece of human excrement isn't even worth talking about. Rob Schneider is a funny actor. I actually did standup comedy with him back in the late 1980's. He's done some funny stuff and he was great on SNL. David Spade is also fun to watch. Jon Heder was excellent in "Napoleon Dynamite", but the poor kid will always be typecast as a dumb misfit after that film, which is a shame. Put them together with a halfway decent storyline about little league baseball and unfulfilled dreams and you could have had a decent film. "Benchwarmers" doesn't even come close. It's a rancid stew of titty twisters, boogers, farts, and spit jokes, complete with racist humor and heartless gags about midgets and nerds. Adam Sandler produced this one and although I've enjoyed a couple of his movies in the past ("Happy Gilmore", "The Waterboy", and "Anger Management")the fact that this thing was ever made in the first place shows the general state of Hollywood today. Some people have referred to Sandler as a modern-day Jerry Lewis, which is like saying Nicole Ritchie is a modern-day Katherine Hepburn. Movie producers don't give a damn about quality anymore, they only care about making money. And if this thing makes a penny (which it already obviously has, because I rented the DVD for around three bucks!) it just shows that people are willing to tolerate drivel like this, which is sad. I feel like a total idiot for watching "Benchwarmers" -- please heed this warning and don't make the same mistake!
To find out what piece of garbage Adam Sandler will be serving up to the American public next, visit his own personal web site at: www.adamsandler.com.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Vivacious Victorians of San Francisco



One of the things I love about living in Lower Pacific Heights (I used to call the area “The Lower Pac”, but my fiancĂ©e says that’s like calling SF “Frisco” or Las Vegas “Vegas” – it’s clichĂ© and hackneyed and sounds like I’m not from here, which I’m really not) is the Victorian houses. I love these old dwellings for their history and their beauty.

Like wise old men and women wallowing in the fog and basking in the sun, the Victorian mansions and homes of San Francisco are more like people than structures. Every time I wander through Pacific Heights, the famous Cow Hollow commercial district, the Western Addition, the Outer Mission or the Haight, I marvel at these architectural masterpieces. If these buildings could only talk, I always think to myself. What would they say? I’m sure it would be things like, “Look at my decorative features”, or “Why do tourists keep taking my picture?” “Please wash my windows” or “Man, am I expensive!”

Victorian architecture, known for its huge embellishments and overall complexity, initially became popular during the reign of Queen Victoria in England. Most of the Victorian houses in this country were constructed between the mid-1800’s until about 1915.

Every country and culture eventually got into the Victorian picture in San Francisco. The Italians brought their flamboyant architectural flourishes; the French used many of the elements we see in their majestic palaces; the Turkish offered their towers and the Russians brought the vodka.

Victorian homes and mansions are called “painted ladies”, because many of them are painted in multi-colors and feature incredible decorative embellishments. The most famous of these are the “painted ladies” of Alamo Square on Steiner Street. This row of ultra-famous Victorians is also referred to as “Postcard Row”. They have been used in numerous movies and TV shows throughout the years and attract thousands of tourists to their doorsteps.

Most Victorian homes and mansions were originally painted in earth tones, until after the Civil War when people began to paint their Victorians in as many as 4-5 different colors. For the most colorful or these, visit the ones along California Street.

The styles of Victorian houses can be put into several categories. The most prevalent are called the Italianate Victorians (A good example being the Sherman House in Pacific Heights); Gothic Revival (Ex.: The Westerfield House of Alamo Square, also known as the “Russian Embassy” – and home to one of the very first hippie communes in 1968); Queen Annes (characterized by steep roofs, shingled insets and slanted bay windows); the Stick/Eastlake style (Ex.: the Charles Dietle House at the corner of Page and Laguna); and the Second Empire Victorians (Built primarily between 1855 and 1885 and distinguished by their mansard roofs and multiple balconies).

San Francisco’s Victorians are like glimmering jewels set against the hillsides of this beautiful and amazing city. If you would like to go on a tour of these architectural gems, visit these web sites: www.victorianwalk.com; www.sfcityguides.com or www.sfheart.com.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

It's a Do-Nothing Day!

Today I am doing absolutely nothing. I am going to lay in bed and try to forget the world. I rented three movies and I am going to watch them all today. I think it's healthy to unwind and just lay low once in awhile, to recharge your system and get back into the groove. And that's exactly what I'm doing today. No-thing. Zilch. Nada. And proud of it!

People Can Be Real Boobs!

People all over the country are in an uproar over this magazine cover for Babytalk magazine. And my first question is why?

Here's an excerpt from an article I saw on AOL:

"Babytalk is a free magazine whose readership is overwhelmingly mothers of babies. Yet in a poll of more than 4,000 readers, a quarter of responses to the cover were negative, calling the photo - a baby and part of a woman's breast, in profile - inappropriate.
One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it.
"I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast - it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."


Gayle Ash is obviously a really uptight and possibly sexually frustrated woman. If her 13-year son old can't handle seeing a breast (sans nipple and arreola, for that matter) the poor kid is in trouble. I've seen more sexually explicit stuff in Sports Illustrated (swimsuit issue) and National Geographic (usually photos of naked African women, ex.: The Ubangi Tribe)

What is offensive about a woman breast feeding her beautiful child? I used to get offended when I saw women out in public breast feeding, but eventually I got over it. Hey, it's nature. I don't see how this photo can be interpreted as obscene in any way. If you ask me, the people that were quoted saying they were upset about this cover are milking the whole thing for publicity. It doesn't offend me and I'm lactose intolerant! I'm certain there will be more controversy over this issue, so I'll be sure to keep you abreast.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Field of High School Dreams



My old high school just got a real baseball field. With natural grass and a manicured dirt infield. A landscaped, completely level field -- free of rocks, underbrush and assorted small animals. I hear it even has a fence in the outfield, over which hopefully the home team will hit a plethora of four baggers over many successful seasons.
Yes, my alma mater, St. Michael’s Preparatory High School in Silverado, California, just built itself a baseball field. And although it’s been almost 30 years since I played for the Pioneers, I must say I am proud as can be of the school for stepping up to the plate and installing a genuine baseball facility they can call their own.
When I played baseball at St. Michaels, all of our home games were played at public parks and other high schools’ fields. And we practiced on campus on a field that was, even by minimum standards, atrocious. It was on a hillside, with home plate at the bottom; so that ground balls slowed down as they rolled uphill and fly balls flew over your head as you chugged up an incline. The ground was hard packed dirt that hadn’t been tilled or weeded since the Paleolithic Era. There were small chasms everywhere, and a large crack in the earth that stretched from third base out into left field, which we affectionately named “Nobody’s Fault”. The foliage in both the infield and outfield (there was really no distinction between the two) consisted of thistles, tumbleweeds and poison oak. The backstop looked so old we speculated that it had been donated to the school by none other than Alexander Cartwright himself.
One time during a particularly error-filled practice, I made an errant throw from shortstop to first base, beaning a poor little squirrel in the process. He lived, but limped slightly from then on, which, of course, made me feel terrible. Another time we had to call off practice because someone hit a ground rule double into a hornet’s nest. Roadrunners, hawks, wolf spiders, gophers and lizards all got into the act at one time or another.
Even with all these issues about the field – from our frequent encounters with the local wildlife, all the way to the simple fact that we were playing in conditions similar to those on the Planet Mars – it never seemed to get in the way of us always having a really good time practicing on our makeshift baseball field at St. Michael’s Prep.
Some people might think that a high school getting a baseball field is no big deal. Well, then they don’t know St. Michael’s. St. Michael’s is an all-male Catholic boarding school with a student population of approximately 60-80 kids in grades 8-12. It is known for its academics, not for its sports programs, which, when I attended in 1975-1977, consisted of just basketball and baseball. Now the school has cross country, soccer and 8-man football as well. Since the school was so tiny, we played in the lowest of leagues, in the “small schools” division; (known as Division VII today) the absolute cellar of the CIF as far as athletic talent was concerned. Our league schedule consisted of a menagerie of borderline educational institutions.
First there was Desert Sun -- a progressive, ultra-liberal high school in the mountains above Palm Springs where rich parents took time out from saving manatees, skiing in Aspen and summering in Santa Barbara just long enough to deposit their problem kiddies there. Think of spoiled brats with American Express Cards and mouths that would make longshoremen blush. When we played them in baseball, they smoked cigarettes in the dugout and made out with their girlfriends as if that would impress us. (As a sophomore who had never even held a girl’s hand -- it sure did!)
Then, there was Nimitz Military Academy -- the decaying military school in Lake Elsinore, where the basketball court was in a hangar with rats and sewage problems, and where none of the cadets’ uniforms matched. We were told that the school had once held great prestige. From the look of the campus, I estimated that its legendary days probably came to an end right around the time of the Civil War. The corps of misfits at Nimitz saluted our departing bus after one game once with an assortment of gestures that I’m sure aren’t acceptable within any branch of the military. To say that these kids were trying to be all they could be was more of a threat than anything else.
Then to top it off, we also played special “schools” with names like Twin Pines and Los Pinos. These institutions can best be described as juvenile work camps. Prisons for kids, essentially, although most of these guys couldn’t be considered children by any stretch of the imagination. Traveling to play them at their facility was always an adventure. We’d have to drive for hours to the middle of nowhere, and when we finally reached our destination, we were escorted through this series of gates and fences to the basketball court or baseball field. The baseball field was hard clay, without a single blade of grass in sight, and there was a big sign in the dugout that said, “Do Not Leave the Dugout: Rattlesnake Danger.” The entire field was on a huge plateau, so any foul balls that were hit went down into a deep canyon -- souvenirs for the snakes and rodents and who knows what else. The outfield had towers along both foul lines, manned with “youth counselors”, prison guards basically, there just in case someone got a bright idea and tried to make a run for it.
In basketball, these youth camps would always have one great player who would dominate the entire league for the first half of the season. They would have four average white players and one 6 foot 9 black guy with a beard. We would try to defend against this man among boys, and we must have looked like a bunch of Chihuahuas yipping at the heels of a Great Dane in doing so. As the basketball season progressed, their phenom would behave himself just enough to get released, and without their big star the work camp team was just another group of semi-coordinated, ridiculously slow white boys with bad haircuts. Just like us, actually, but not as smart or well coached. The end result was that we would usually win the second half of the season and invariably capture the league title. Don’t knock it. Winning is winning no matter how you look at it, and to us at that time it was everything.
But, winning in the classroom was more important than anything you could accomplish on the court or diamond. Because at St. Michaels in the late 70’s, studying wasn’t just something…it was the ONLY thing. At most schools, the jocks are always more popular than the eggheads. Not at St. Michael’s. The guys we all looked up to in my class were the ones with 4.0 GPA’s and near-perfect SAT scores. We weren’t interested in things like batting averages and shooting percentages. We were more concerned about getting good grades and performing well in the Orange County Academic Decathlon, a scholastic statewide competition in which we consistently trounced schools 50 and 60 times our size.
Since we didn’t have much of a sports program, there was no room for big heads or jock attitudes at St. Michael’s. Plus, it was an all-boys school, so there weren’t any women to try and impress. The two nuns who cooked in the school’s kitchen were Hungarian, and could have cared less about sports, unless you were talking European Water Polo.
And if your performance in the classroom faltered, you found yourself off the team. Every week, we would lose a player or two due to bad grades. It could be really frustrating at times, because we were already short of good personnel, especially in baseball, where we had to field nine players. You’d go to a game, and half your infield wouldn’t be there. “Where’s our second baseman?” “He flunked his Geometry quiz.” “Our shortstop?’ “Latin Exam.” “Third base?” “English Paper.” “Oh.”
At the time I was mad, because I am so competitive and I didn’t want to lose any games. But, I realize now that St. Michael’s was the primary reason a lot of my fellow students ended up going to college and building great careers, instead of living at home and working at Arby’s or Jiffy Lube. I was also well aware of the fact that none of these guys I played for with the Pioneers had any future in baseball whatsoever, unless they became an agent or ended up making enough money to buy a team. So, if missing a few meaningless games back then in high school got my fellow ballplayers where they are today because they studied a little harder -- well, I figured that’s pretty cool.
St. Michael’s was a wonderful experience in many ways for me, but practicing on that sorry baseball field was surely not one of them. To be honest with you, I still have occasional nightmares about that poor little squirrel. And a few scars where wildly thrown baseballs hit dirt clods or rocks and nailed me in the shins and ankles. That’s why I’m so pleased that the school now has its very own baseball field.
I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend their alumni game this year, but my chiropractor won’t. 47 years is the time in life when old ballplayers step aside and let the youngsters play the game. And hopefully this is the year that baseball dreams start coming true for St. Michael’s Prep and its brand new “Field of Dreams.” Congratulations, Pioneers. And good luck!
(I am very proud to announce that the 2006 St. Michael’s varsity baseball team (pictured above) got into the quarterfinals of the Division VII CIF playoffs this year. St, Michael’s Prep is a great school, so if you’re Catholic and want to put your kid in an incredible learning environment, check out the school on their web site: www.stmichaelsprep.org.)

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Special Effects the Only Good Thing About Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest




I recently saw Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest and to say it was mediocre is being nice. The first movie in this series did very well because it had 1.) Characters we cared about 2.) A story that moved along and made sense and 3.) Really incredible special effects. This sequel has the latter going for it and that's all. The special effects in this one are awesome. The story and the acting and everything else is just okay, nothing spectacular.
Davey Jones' crew (see sketches above) is a rag-tag bunch of the strangest and grossest creatures you've ever seen, and they're fun to watch. I wish I could say the same for this movie. How many Disneyland rides are they going to turn into feature films anyway?
If they come out with an "It's A Small World" movie, with all those little kids chattering away non-stop, singing that same lame song over and over -- I just know I'll kill myself.
I give it 1.25 (out of 5) stars.
Without the great special effects, I'd give it a .50.

My Top 5 albums for 2006


I know that 2006 isn't even over yet and most of these albums aren't that new. I always seem to be one or two steps behind the times. I'm going on my annual houseboat trip to Lake Shasta and every year on the trip they have this tradition of asking you what your Top 5 albums are for that year.

So, here are my Top 5 albums for 2006:

1.) Hot Fuss (The Killers)
2.) Culahoma (The Black Keys)
3.) Youth & Young Mankind (Kings of Leon)
4.) Wolfmother (Wolfmother)
5.) Stadium Arcadium (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

That Andrea is One Deadly Bitch!


On a foggy July night in 1956, the Italian luxury liner Andrea Doria was on its way toward New York on the last leg of a trans-Atlantic crossing when it collided with a passenger ship and sank, killing 51 people.
Half a century later, the Andrea Doria is still taking a toll as it rests on its side about 200 feet down in frigid waters south of Nantucket, Mass.
At least 14 people have died while exploring the wreck. The latest fatality came July 8, when researcher David Bright suffered decompression sickness after making his 120th dive to the Andrea Doria.
"It's called the Mount Everest of diving. It's such a dangerous depth, but it attracts a lot of interest," said Capt. Robert Meurn, professor emeritus at the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy on Long Island and, like his friend Bright, an expert on maritime history and the Andrea Doria in particular.
Why do people do really dangerous things? Aren’t there enough other shipwrecks out there to explore that aren’t quite as scary or difficult as the Andrea Doria that would still satisfy these adrenalin junkies? I used to think the people who perished attempting this treacherous dive were amateurs and rookies who wouldn’t know a regulator from a vibrator. But, this guy who died on July 8th was an experienced professional making his 120th trip! It just goes to show that anything can happen at any time and that means you have to be able to deal with the worst. What happened to David Bright is extremely unfortunate. But, hopefully this story will keep other people out of that wreck. It’s obviously really dangerous! Maybe people who were considering the dive will now settle for watching the whole thing on the National Geographic Channel instead of stupidly risking their lives.

Monday, July 24, 2006

These Dodgers are Playing like @^$(*! Dawgs!



After a respectable first half, the Los Angeles Dodgers are now officially the coldest team in baseball. (1-9 last 10 games) What a shame! Walter Alston must be rolling over in his grave!! I heard that Steve Garvey is so upset he stopped dating 20-year-olds. Tommy Lasorda is so shaken he hasn’t eaten in an hour. Swept by the Cardinals again this weekend, the team from Chavez Ravine has seemingly rolled over and is playing dead. The pitching staff has been decimated by injuries, they’re not getting the timely hits they were earlier and for the first time this season, pitchers are dominating them. But wait, fear not blue bleeders – there is possibly good news here. The collapse may actually be a blessing in disguise. Maybe now GM Ned Colletti won’t trade away a bunch of the team’s young talent to make a run at a playoff spot this season. The young kids – guys like Kemp, Billingsley, Martin, Ethier, Broxton, Loney and a bunch more – are going to be the nucleus of the Dodgers in the next decade, so why trade them for a player that may or may not get you to the playoffs? Why give up a couple of youngsters for a Soriano, Willis, Maddux or Smoltz if they’re just going to sign with another team after the season is over? I say the Dodgers stick with what they have and try to develop it. They will reap the rewards down the line and life will once again be happy in Dodgerland. But, right now – I have to tell you – my dog Kaido could play better. (See photo).

For some great Dodger stuff see: www.dodgerdugout.com.