Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Unfunny and Uncouth: The Dice Man Stinketh

Every so often in the entertainment world, someone with no talent sneaks in under the radar and gains popularity for no logical reason, in my opinion. It doesn’t matter that they can’t sing, act or tell jokes, but somehow they’re in the right place at the right time and make it big. Certain rappers, bands and comedians fit neatly into this category. I have never understood how Insane Clown Posse, Vanilla Ice, Judy Tenuta or Emo Phillips, for example, ever sold a single album or CD.

Andrew Dice Clay is a poster child for this phenomenon. The fact that he’s been performing for more than 20 years makes me ill. He is the unfunniest individual on the planet.

I did standup myself for 12 years (I was pretty bad myself) so I know how tough a gig it is, but I have seen comedians here in San Francisco and down in LA at open mics, struggling just to get stage time, who are 20 times funnier than Andrew Dice Clay on their worst night. How this man has ever made a dime doing standup is one of the great mysteries of our time – kind of like the Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster.

The fact that Comedy Central ranked him number 95 on their list of the 100 Greatest Stand-ups of All Time shows just how far our society has fallen. In 500 years, when our civilization has crumbled, historians will site Clay’s popularity as one of the early signs that led to the beginning of the end.

Clay started his career in 1984, doing nasty nursery rhymes and instructing men on how to abuse the opposite sex (like they needed training). In an interview back then, he cited his influences as Redd Foxx, George Carlin and Lenny Bruce, three comics who possess one quality Clay doesn’t – talent. It’s one thing to tell dirty jokes – Sam Kinnison, Bill Hicks and Richard Pryor (the greatest comedian of all time as far as I’m concerned) all worked blue and were very funny. But, Clay is dirty without the laughs. He’s abusive to women with no punch line. His routines are foul just for the sake of being foul. I’m so tired of hearing people defending by saying he’s a good family man. That’s like saying Hitler loved cats.

If it weren’t for the controversies he’s created over the years, the Diceman would never even be in the news. In 1989, Clay appeared on the MTV Video Music Awards where his raunchy act caused MTV to ban him from the network for life. When he hosted Saturday Night Live, Sinead O’Connor and Nora Dunn refused to appear. His movies have all bombed. The man’s only cinematic claim to fame is a disjointed, completely forgettable film named “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane” (1990). His Madison Square Garden performance film “Dice Rules” (1991) was banned in many cities and hundreds of theaters throughout the country refused to show it. He attacked deaf actress Marlee Matlin on his 1993 album, “The Day the Laughter Died, Part 2.” What a class act. Dropping F bombs is an easy way out when you don’t have material and Andrew Dice Clay has created a career around it.

His 1995 TV series, “Dice,” co-starring Cathy Moriarity, was unwatchable and came and went so fast few saw it. He did get a small film role in “One Night in McCool’s” (2001) featuring Matt Dillon and Michael Douglas. Now, he’s been reduced to performing the gambling circuit (Vegas, Atlantic City, Reno and a handful of Indian casinos), and is noticeably absent from TV and movies.

It appears as though the public has finally figured out what I’ve been saying for two decades – The Dice Man Stinketh. Hopefully he’ll fade away just as quickly as he reached the top. In other words, overnight.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute, Andrew Dice Clay reached the top? I never heard of him until I saw him swearing in a CNN interview on YouTube.

He's just an asshole, how the hell is he a comedian?

Anonymous said...

Our company creates a occupation new year card on the footing of unrivalled and magnificent projects.
These projects are carried out by way of the cards the best team of explicit artists and designers in
the buy who are experts in every gist of the word. They are also extraordinarily flexible, so you can
complete jolly engaging trade press card designs, depending on the solitary needs of each client.
We do not own a mistress printing machines undertaking the highest je sais quoi of each lone card.
Broad variety of paper allows you to bump into rendezvous with the expectations of notwithstanding the most tough customers
from every conceivable industry. We guarantee the wording and amenities of large quantities of responsibility
cards in the shortest conceivable time. In our holder, the highest attribute is the happiness of the proposed
penalty and safe checking from people receiving and carrying into public notice an order recompense task cards.
With access to the services offered as a consequence our website, you can post-haste and without undue
formalities place an degree object of goods, comment the project and approved it and ordered some business
cards. Settle upon our retinue as a respectable business membership card is much a oath after success.
Greet
Merio [url=http://www.kalendarze.dogory.pl]Kalendarze[/url]

Anonymous said...

I've ever liked things like sand clocks, lava lamps, and the like to good of fair-minded dish out space staring at it as a cut of catharsis. In a course, it helps me with meditation, to reduce stress and strain and well-grounded think fro nothing. That's why since I was a kid, instead of dolls and cars I've in any case sedate more of such pieces like sand clocks, lava lamps, musical boxes etc. So I was most delighted when I establish the[url=http://www.dealtoworld.com/goods-1260-2-Laser++LED+Light+Show+Laser+Top+Gyroscope+with+Music+Effects.html] 2-Laser + LED Light Presentation Laser Outstrip Gyroscope with Music Effects[/url] from DealtoWorld.com protection the Toys section. It's like a tuneful belt, a spinning better, and a radiance verify all rolled into one. Which is spectacular diversion! The gyroscope wishes spin after around a minute. The laser slight display with accompanying music makes this gyroscope a very corresponding exactly bauble that my friends be subjected to also been most amused with.

My dogs are also pretty intrusive nearly the laser gyroscope I got from DealtoWorld.com. They evermore occupy oneself with the gyroscope as it spins, although at first they kept barking at the laser insight boast, and also because it produces music. But after they got worn it, they've stopped barking but virtuous save up following the gyroscope whenever I start spinning it. Kids are also pretty amused alongside it. Sometimes it's moral to possess entertaining toys around the ancestry so that you can leave the toy on while the kids are being amused or playing with it while you open to fit out food or fall heir to changed. The gyroscope is a particular such fool with with this purpose.

The gyroscope I bought from DealtoWorld.com has a dragon as a pattern on it, and produces a light exposition with red, blue, and unripened colours. Pit oneself against a look at the pictures I've uploaded of the gyroscope with laser luminosity show. The music produced from the gyroscope is not that expert but decorous enough to treat any new roomer to the house. The gyroscope is red and jet-black, making it look extraordinarily cool, and to some arrogant with that dragon imprint.

The music flare show gyroscope runs on 6 LR44 batteries, which are replaceable anyway. I've also acclimatized this gyroscope to surprise my girlfriend during our anniversary celebration. I did the cheesy terror of decorating the hotel latitude with roses and when I led her in, I started up the gyroscope as affectionately so that the laser brighten expose produces a romantic effect. I also had some battery operated candles so all the moonlight effects created a sort of mawkish atmosphere. She loved it, by the style, to my relief. I also bought the candles from DealtoWorld.com. These days it seems to be my non-fulfilment shopping put in return all gifts and ideas in compensation romantic occasions.

Since Christmas is coming, this laser light show gyroscope can maybe be a great Christmas give-away for the toddler or methodical the humour! Alternatively, the gyroscope can simply be a gracious totalling to the traditional Christmas decorations. I can fancy placing it just about the Christmas tree and peradventure spinning it when guests succeed in the house. Looks like [url=http://www.dealtoworld.com]DealtoWorld.com[/url] is getting my business still again!

Anonymous said...

top [url=http://www.c-online-casino.co.uk/]c-online-casino.co.uk[/url] coincide the latest [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com/]casino games[/url] free no set aside bonus at the best [url=http://www.baywatchcasino.com/]redeem casino
[/url].