Saturday, August 05, 2006

We Won the Big Race of Life....But What Did We Really Win?

I was thinking the other day. I was probably thinking too much. I was pondering heavy-duty stuff, like the universe, and God, and alien life, and fate. And, I thought to myself—if I had something to say to the world…if I could take everything, package it into one statement, and come up with something I as well as everyone else could understand, I think it would be this:

If, in the end we are judged, I hope the one judging us realizes life is basically a bitch. I mean, let’s be fair here – none of us asked to be human beings residing on this planet. It just so happens our sperm cell was a little bit more assertive than the rest in our batch. When you think about it, only the winners get a shot at this gig anyway. It was like a 10K for sperm cells, and we won.

Do you ever speculate on how close the race to the ovum was? Were you out front right from the gate, like Secretariat in the Preakness, a victory of over 34 lengths? Or was it just the opposite—you dawdled in last place until just before the final turn, drafting behind the leaders and then winning by a nose in the race for fertilization?

These are the kinds of things I think about all the time. Does that mean: (A.) I’m super introspective? Or (B.) I need counseling really bad?

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