Killer Seal in Aquatic Park

(I swim in Aquatic Park every week pretty much. The seal hasn't bothered me, probably because he thinks I'm a bigger seal or a baby whale.)

CBS 5 / AP) SAN FRANCISCO San Francisco's Aquatic Park Lagoon remained closed for swimming Thursday due to reports of a sea lion repeatedly biting local swimmers, maritime officials said.Officials estimated at least 20 swimmers were bitten since Monday, including 13 on Wednesday alone at the Lagoon, which hosts two swimming and rowing clubs and is a favorite spot for swimming along San Francisco’s northern waterfront.No one serious injuries were reported. City health officials aren't recommending rabies shots, but victims were advised by the Marine Mammal Center to take antibiotics to ward off infection.The very first incident involved a woman who was bitten by a sea lion while swimming in the Bay around 4 pm Monday. Celeste McMullin said she saw the animal lurking nearby before her swim but didn't think much of it.Web Extra: Unedited Interview With Swimmer Bitten By Sea Lion"I was a quarter-mile out swimming along, felt a brush under my feet, and I think, 'These feel like whiskers,' " said Celeste McMullin. "I realized it was an animal. So I stopped, and he popped up and looked at me."McMullin then tried to swim away, but the sea lion "followed me the whole time, bumping me and nipping" continuously until she made it back to shore. She ended up with six bites - two puncture wounds and four cuts - and was advised to go to the hospital to have the wounds cleaned.Original reports had the woman bitten by a harbor seal. But a spokesman for the Marine Mammal Center said the attacker most likely was a sea lion, because they are more aggressive than seals.Since that attack, "the park has received reports of multiple bite incidents in the last two days," said spokesman John Cunnane. "For the time being we're advising people to stay out of the water until further notice, until we find out more about it."Omer Thompson believes the animal he saw was a harbor seal that looked like it was playing in the Bay."He was leaping over the top of people's feet, swimming really fast, and coming clear out of the water like a dolphin comes out of the water," Thompson said. "As soon as somebody would come back in the water, it would take off and play with somebody else."Don Reid, a 30-year Dolphin Club member, got a chunk taken out of him Wednesday while swimming in the bay."(The sea lion) attacked and bit me on my left calf, and it drew blood," he told CBS 5 while on his way to see a doctor.Lou Marcelli said he was brushed by a claw before he could get bit, but even that left a nasty bruise."I get half way back to the dock, and I feel something," he explained to CBS 5. "I don't know what the hell it was. It felt slimy. So I just kept going. As I got to the end of the dock, the lady from next door said, 'You better get out of there, because there's a sea lion right after you.' "The Acquatic Park staff are working with other agencies to identify the sea lion and determine the reason for the animal's behavior. Longtime swimmers said they believe it's a sick sea lion who has become aggressive.Biologists suspect the rogue sea lion is either protecting his harem of mates, or has suffered some sort of brain damage from toxic algae.Marine Mammal Center veterinarian Frances Gulland said the animal may soon leave the area and advised swimmers to avoid the Lagoon in the meantime."The migration has started, and the animals are moving north to Washington state and Oregon," she said.

The Two Bigs Ones: My Pix

If you’re a college football fan and you’re not excited about today’s two big games, then you must be in a coma. This is what the college football season is all about, baby! With an hour to go until kickoff, I’m making my picks. Here’s how I see it:

MICHIGAN at OHIO STATE

Identical records (11-0, 7-0). The drama surrounding the death of Michigan coaching legend Bo Schembechler. Heisman hopeful Ohio State QB Troy Smith. Jim Tressel vs. Lloyd Carr. And the fact that the winner gets a ticket to Arizona for the BCS Championship Game. They’re so many different things going on in this game that it’s hard to keep track of them all. The last time a Number 1 team played a Number 2 team was seven years ago, when #2 Florida State beat #1 Florida, 24-21.

Here’s what’s going to happen:
Both teams will play tough, stingy defense, until the second half, when special teams and a major turnover will result in two scores for Ohio State. The huge crowd and the unrelenting emotion will prove too much for the Wolverines. Michigan will make a gallant comeback, but it will fall short. Troy Smith will have a mediocre game, and the Buckeyes will shut down Michigan RB Mike Hart.

FINAL SCORE: OHIO STATE: 20 MICHIGAN: 16

(After game comments: Well, I guess I blew that one. although I was pretty close on the margin of victory. Whatever happened to defense? This looked like an arena game!)

CAL at USC

This could have been just as big a game, except Cal lost to Arizona and USC lost to Oregon State. Even though both teams have losses, it’s still a huge contest in relation to the Rose Bowl and the BCS. Cal hasn’t been able to get by the Trojans in the past, and this is probably the closest they will come. USC is ranked fourth and Cal is 17th, but you can throw the rankings out the window because these two schools don’t like each other.
Pete Carroll is a great coach, but his team and his QB John David Booty, have been inconsistent all season. Cal has the offensive power with QB Nathan Longshore and RB Marshawn Lynch.

Here’s what’s going to happen:
USC will crush the Bears. Cal just doesn’t have enough big game experience. The Cal defense will get run over by Southern Cal’s enormous offensive line and USC RB Chauncey Washington will look like the reincarnation of Reggie Bush. John David Booty will pick apart Cal’s secondary all day (and into the night) and USC’s defense will make Longshore wish he was watching the game on TV instead of actually being there.

FINAL SCORE: USC: 31 CAL 13

(After game comments: You have to admit, I hit that one pretty much right on the head!)

First They Kills Dogs, Next It's People

(Ratdog isn't the only one upset about what the Chinese government is doing to dogs. Man, when will these idiots ever get it together? It's sad to see third world countries go through this crap. If they can't regulate something as simple as vaccinating animals for rabies, how are they going to react when a really serious disease that affects humans comes along?)

This is another story that will break your heart:
BEIJING (Nov. 16) - Elaine Loke is shutting down her dog boutique and will spirit her golden retrievers Hippy and Bally out of Beijing to escape the city's sweeping anti-rabies campaign.
Dog owners like Loke have been scrambling to hide their pets in the face of a new crackdown which allows only one dog per household and bans breeds taller than 14 inches. Fears have been fueled by graphic Internet pictures and witnesses who say police are beating to death strays and dogs that run afoul of regulations.
"I can't believe this is happening," said Loke, 33, who keeps the curtains in her first-floor apartment drawn to ward off prying neighbors and walks her dogs in an underground parking lot. "It's so stressful. In the morning, I hear dogs barking and people talking outside my home and I think the police are coming."
The pressure is so bad that Loke is returning to her native Hong Kong and closing a business she has had for two years.
In China, dogs have long been seen as a source of meat as much as companionship. But the current crackdown has touched a nerve in the rapidly modernizing capital, especially among its burgeoning middle class.
"What kind of rules are these? I don't expect everybody to love animals. But I do want to have my rights to keep pets," said Clare Xiao, an account manager at an advertising company. She sent her larger Brittany to a kennel run by a friend and kept her Pekinese, a stray she found on the street.
"What the government is doing is just disappointing, cold and emotionless," said Xiao. A sharp increase in rabies cases nationwide has prompted the renewed vigilance. Only 3 percent of China's dog's are vaccinated against rabies and the disease is nearly always fatal in humans once symptoms develop, though it can be warded off by a series of expensive and painful injections.
Officials have extended the 2003 rules to cover not only Beijing's center but some outlying areas. The clampdown, announced Nov. 6, gave owners until Thursday to comply or the dogs would be seized and the owners fined.
One owner Zhu Qiao has moved three times since 2001 to find areas where her black-and-white dog, Gou Gou, could be raised safely and within the law.
"He's part of my life, he's my friend and family," said Zhu, 30, a television producer. "If you want to impose a law, you have to get the opinion of dog owners and experts. You can't just take them away."
"I can't move again. There's no option but to hide him and if he gets taken, I'll go with him."
Another owner had his Labrador retriever taken away Wednesday because she was too big.
"She is a very amicable dog. She never barked," said the owner, a businessman who would give only his surname Yang. "If they don't allow me to raise her here, I will find another place. I will get her back."
Witness accounts and photos on the Internet have shown dogs being captured in nets and pummeled with wooden and metal sticks. But authorities have vowed to carry out a "strict but civilized" campaign that police hoped would not anger dog owners, according to the official Xinhua News Agency.
"I have never heard of dogs being culled after they were caught by police. Dogs are a man's best friend and we treat them as friends, even when we have to lock them up for the sake of public security," Xinhua quoted a Ministry of Public Security official, Bao Suixian, as saying.
Many owners have sent their dogs to kennels outside the city. Some are handing them over to friends and family.
Joyce Wang gave one of her dogs to her sister and is keeping Ding Ding, her fox terrier, close by her side. She said she had heard that the government was offering $25 to people who reported on rule-breaking dog owners.
"I'm scared and worried. Now I don't take him outside during the day," Wang said. "Even in the evening, we will take a detour if we see people in the compound we live in."

Ratdog Speaks Out Vs. China

Girardi Gets the Last Laugh

Joe Girardi won the NL Manager of the Year Award yesterday, six weeks after being fired from his job with the Florida Marlins. He did a masterful job last season keeping the rookie-laden Marlins in the NL Wild card race right up until very close to the end of the season. He took a team of no-names with a payroll of around $15 million, and led them to a respectable 78-84 record. But, because he wouldn’t take crap from team owner Jeffrey Loria, he ended up getting canned. The team replaced Girardi with Fredi Gonzalez, someone who I guess Loria feels will take his criticisms, no matter how unfounded they may be. I think we’ve all had a-hole bosses at some point in our lives, and can all agree that life is too short to tolerate jerks, especially if you have to work for one. The best part of the whole thing is that now Loria has to pay Girardi a bonus for winning the award, which must be pissing off the clueless owner big-time. This is only the second time something like this has happened. Davey Johnson won the AL Manager of the Year Award in 1997, but had already resigned from the Baltimore Orioles. This is slightly different because Girardi was fired, while Johnson quit. Loria’s problems with Girardi started earlier this season when the owner began criticizing umpire’s calls in the press. Girardi asked Loria to please keep his mouth shut, and told him that bashing umpires would only make it worse for the team down the line. This is just another example of the fact that you can pick your team, but you can’t pick your owner. When a franchise gets into the hands of a jerk like Jeff Loria, a man who knows as much about running a baseball team as I do, then things can get sloppy, poor decisions become the norm, and the person who suffers the most is the fan. Girardi is a top-notch skipper. His players were devoted to him, he knows the game inside and out, and he started the season at a definite disadvantage trying to manage a team with a payroll $20 million less than any other team in the major leagues. He has since decided to work as a Yankees announcer next year for the YES TV network, but don’t be surprised if he’s back managing again real soon. Girardi has two major flaws as a manager -- he refuses to put up with idiot owners and he refuses to kiss ass. This award makes Loria look exactly how he should look – like another dumb-ass sports team owner who is cheap and deserves to finish in the cellar until he gets a clue. The only problem is that the people who suffer are the loyal fans of the Flordia Marlins, all 5,000 of them. And they deserve more.

A Bill Cosby Moment

(My buddy comedian Brian Copeland got a chance to meet Bill Cosby recently and the experience for him and his two kids was memorable and meaningful. People give the Cos a hard time for his jello commercials and the fact that he is so straight, but the man is really dialed in when it comes to helping kids. This is a story that warmed me up even more to the guy and I thought you might enjoy it. Brian does a one-man show called "Not A Genuine Black Man" that is the longest running one-man show in the history of SF, and he just wrote a book with the same title.)

"Bill Cosby was playing at the Luther Burbank Center (pardon me…the Wells Fargo Center for the Arts) in Santa Rosa. After watching a hilarious ninety minutes of standup (the man is 69 years old! How does he do it?) my 17 year old son, 15 year old daughter and I were invited to come backstage after his show for a quick ‘meet and greet’. As we made our way through the receiving line, Mr. Cosby shook hands took photos with admirers and politely sent them on their way. When our turn came, he shook my hand and looked at my kids.
"Who are these two young people?" He asked.
"My son, Adam and my daughter Carolyn," I said.
"Sit down," he told us as he pointed to a table and chairs in his dressing room.
We did as he requested and we spent an hour that none of us will ever forget. He talked to the kids about the importance of education. He spoke of the responsibility that they have as both Americans and African Americans to contribute positively to society. He warned them to beware of people who will try to pull them down, blacks who will tell them that they are ‘trying to act white’ by studying and working hard and whites who will not give them their full due based upon their skin color. He warned Carolyn to beware of boys with a smooth line and no ambition and Adam to watch out for ‘TTs’ (Trollop Tramps) as both will keep them from reaching their full potential.
He told us how he has been speaking to schools and organizations in the black community, trying (mostly in vain) to get them to stop blaming slavery and racism for everything and to start taking responsibility for their lives and their circumstances. He spoke of how distressed he is by the number of young people with no drive or desire to make anything of themselves being raised in poor circumstances by parents with no desire to do anything.
I asked him about the criticism that I have received about not being ‘a genuine black man’.
"That’s just bourgeois baiting," he said. "That has been going on as long as there has been a black middle class. It makes people doing nothing feel better about themselves by tearing down those of us who are."
He turned to my kids and said, "You are middle class black children and you will hear that nonsense."
"What should we say?" Carolyn asked.
"You look them straight in the eye and say, ‘And what are YOUR goals.’ I guarantee you that they won’t be able to answer you because they have none…other than trying to tear down yours."
As we were preparing to leave, Mr. Cosby had his assistant make copies of a poem for the kids. He then had them read it out loud line by line, stopping them to explain the significance of its meaning and how it relates to them.
"Read this every day," he said. "Remember who you are and be proud."
We have been reading it daily and I’d like to share it with you.

[IF]
If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master, If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much, If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!--Rudyard Kipling
Quite a fellow that Bill Cosby."

Newest U.S. Weapon

This is the newest, most high-tech and sophistictaed weapon that the United States military has ever had. It's called the K-9 Pooch Pummeler Missile and it's currently in use in Iraq and Afghanistan. It seeks out the legs of our adversaries with its incredible sense of smell and humps them until they can no longer fight. One of these babies actually got inside Bin Laden's secret hideaway and pooped on the carpet. This amazing new weapon has been added to our arsenal at a cost to American taxpayers of $4 billion dollars, two boxes of doggy biscuits and 40 chew toys. During his last hour in office Donald Rumsfeld okayed two more weapons using advanced canine technology: The Boxer Bomb and The Collie Collider.

This Week's Restaurant Review: The Matterhorn in SF

I have not been to Switzerland or even Europe, for that matter. The closest I’ve come to seeing the real Matterhorn was at Disneyland, but when I was about 10 someone told me it wasn’t a real mountain and I was quite upset. Much later in life, I also found out that Mickey Mouse wasn’t real, either. But, back to the point -- there’s a restaurant in San Francisco called The Matterhorn, and for those who can’t afford to go to Switzerland or Disneyland, this is surely the next best thing. The Matterhorn is essentially a fondue place. The atmosphere is kind of like a Swiss chalet with yuppies in it. It’s Zurich meets Pacific Heights. Toboggans morphed with BMW’s. When I initially walked into the place, I fully expected the little Swiss Miss gal to walk around the corner at any moment and lay some nice hot chocolate on us, but it never transpired. The Matterhorn is located deep in the bowels of a commercial office building, but once you get inside, it’s a whole lot of fun. I love unusual food in a different setting. I am so tired of the tired old Italian places with checkered tablecloths and bottles of empty Chianti with candles in them. I can’t stand all of the chain eateries in malls that look exactly alike no matter what part of the country you’re in – places line Chevy’s or P.F. Chang’s or The Cheesecake Factory. The Matterhorn feels unique and homey – not formulaic or contrived – and that means a lot, at least to me. The basic faire consists of two main offerings – cheese fondue or meat fondue. The cheese fondue ($34 for two people) contains roughly a half dozen selections. “The Original” which is a mixture of emmenthal and gruyere cheeses with wine, is apparently the Matterhorn’s signature cheese fondue. You can also get fondues featuring French raclette or camembert cheeses. The cheese fondues are hot but won’t burn your mouth. They give you chunks of bread to dip into the fondue pot, but you can also get things like potatoes, apples, mushrooms and sausages to dip. We had the taters and the sausages, and they both tasted excellent when submerged in the fondue. The other main choice is the meat fondue ($43 for two). Instead of a pot of melted cheese, you use a pot of boiling oil with the meat fondue. You dip thinly sliced beef or veggies in the pot and they take about 15-30 seconds to cook to perfection. It’s fun to cook your own food at the table. In addition to the dipping items, you also get a variety of sauces and sides. You can also order additional items to dip, like fruit, more veggies, prawns, scallops, chicken or pork. If you’re not up for the fondue festival, The Matterhorn also has a regular menu of Swiss favorites. We didn’t try any when I was there, although the Pork Tenderloin with a Bacon and Onion Crust looked tasty. When you’re done with the main course, the chocolate fondue looks pretty amazing, but we were too full to try it. It will be a mandatory selection next time, no doubt. The only bad things I can say about this place are that they charge $20 for corkage, which is highway robbery. When restaurants pull that stunt, it’s like they’re saying, “Buy our wine or just whine.” Ridiculous! How much time and effort does it take to open a bottle of wine? I feel like saying, “Hey, hand me the corkscrew and I’ll give you five bucks!” In addition, our waiter didn’t re-fill our water glasses without being asked. I hate that because I drink water like Dean Martin drank scotch – copiously! Thirdly, the maitre d looked like he was at the end of either a 12-hour shift or a 2-day bender. To say he was gruff is an enormous understatement. Fondue is more fun with a big group of people, so I would recommend The Matterhorn for when you want to go out with a bunch of friends and get a little wild. Don’t’ forget that there’s a flaming cauldron on your table, though, or you’ll burn a whole lot more than just your mustache. (Which I did) Also, if you’re in a large group of diners, be sure to use the color-coded fondue sticks, because otherwise you might accidentally use your neighbor’s stick and pick up whatever strange, incurable disease they’re carrying. (A free health message from Ed) The Matterhorn is located at 2322 Van Ness Avenue in SF. Call them at: (415) 885-6116 for reservations. I give this place three loud yodels and one resounding cheesy belch.

My Crazed Art

I like to do these strange sketches. I don't know where they come from, but I am pretty sure my shrink could have a field day with them. It's good therapy for me to sit down and draw them, because I don't have to think about anything and I can let my problems fade into the background. Tell me what you think of them. Be brutally honest if you want to.

Dogs that Talk

Check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aj35HW2E9E

These dogs can talk. I wonder what my dogs would say to me if they could speak. Probably stuff like:

"Give us people food!"
"Why do you blame us every time you break wind?"
"If you walked us more, you wouldn't be so fat."
"Spring for the better dog biscuits once in awhile, you tightwad."
"How would you like to wear a shock collar?"