"Sister Sandy Koufax" -- a short story about life and baseball by Hymie Laredo [PART ONE]

Like many people, baseball has always been a big part of my life. The first memories I have about baseball include my first mitt, bound in rubber bands and soaked in saddle soap, stored under my bed to work in the leather; trying to catch those first thrown baseballs and dropping at least 20 before one miraculously fell into my glove; my first World Series (1968 -- Detroit beat St. Louis). Watching Bob Gibson scowl reminded me of our fourth grade physical education teacher, Mr. Cannon, who believed in jumping jacks and medicine balls and didn't like "smart alecs" like myself. I'll always fondly recall my very first Little League uniform a t-shirt that shrunk to half its size after the first washing and gradually got smaller with every subsequent trip through the laundry and a cap that was three sizes too large. I played Little League in my home town of Old Greenwich, Connecticut, and later when we moved to Southern California. I was a classic example of good glove, no bat, and was frustrated playing the game most of my life. I was an excellent fielder. I had a great arm and made quite a few spectacular catches. But, I was clueless at the plate. I would get up there and my legs would start shaking, and I'd either freeze and take three strikes or swing with little chance of hitting anything but air. I'm still ashamed to admit that the last year my father coached me in Little League (I think it must have been 1970) I failed to get even a single base hit all season. My nickname was changed forever that day -- from Steady Ed to Eddie Oh-fer.
In those years, living in Connecticut, we were obviously Yankee fans. No one I knew rooted for the Mets, except one strange little girl in my fourth grade home room. Being a Mets fan was like being a Jets fan. It just wasn't done.
But, much to everyone's surprise, the Mets won it all in 1969. We moved to the Los Angeles area that summer, and watched the Amazin's from NYC shock the Baltimore Orioles on our new color TV with a 16 inch screen, which at that time was considered enormous. The five-game dismantling of the mighty birds of the American League was fun to watch, although I still don't believe it happened. Baltimore took game one easily, beating Tom Seaver, the Mets' ace. Jerry Koosman shut down the big Baltimore bats in game two, and I thought to myself, well, it least it won't be a sweep. I never imagined that the rag-tag crew from Shea would win the next three games. Met pitchers Gary Gentry and a very young baby-faced Nolan Ryan combined for a 5-0 shutout in game three, Seaver pitched a complete game in contest number four, and Koosman went all the way in five, winning 5-3, after trailing 3-0 early in the game. Previously unknown guys with names like Swoboda, Agee, Al Weis, and Don Clendenon beat the dominators of the American League, handcuffing the greatest hitters of the time, household names and Hall-of-Famers like Frank Robinson, Boog Powell and Paul Blair. Brooks Robinson made the plays at third, the staff of Palmer, Cuellar and McNally pitched spectacularly all season, but the end result was that the Orioles lost to the better team during 1.5 weeks in October, 1969.
It was a classic example of the simple fact that the most talent doesn't always prevail. The Orioles tried too hard, pressed too much and gave the Mets a chance to walk through the door. When it was all over, I learned a valuable lesson. There is no such thing as a sure thing. The Jets with Broadway Joe would prove that again to me just three short months later, when they embarrassed another sports powerhouse of the period, the Baltimore Colts in the Super Bowl. I don't know if it was a full moon, or if mercury was in retrograde, but those have to be two of the biggest upsets in professional sports, both played by two teams from the same city, with Baltimore playing the heavy favorite in each, only to screw the pooch. Another fun fact is that the NY pro basketball Nets won the ABA that same year.
By late 1970, we were comfortable in our new West Coast lifestyles. We were now Los Angeles Dodger fans. But, like with the Yankees in 1968 and 1969, the Dodgers were still far away from getting anywhere near the Fall Classic. The transplanted Bums had performed well after moving from Ebetts Field to Chavez Ravine, winning the whole thing in 1959, 1963, and 1965, but hadn't done much since.
Baseball was fun for me to watch, even if I couldn't hit. Some of the kids I played with and against went on to become stars at the high school and college levels, but none of them made it to the big show. It's one of the toughest things an athlete can ever achieve. People don't realize how extremely difficult it really is to play in even one game at the MLB level.
Life in L.A. was good for a rambunctious 12-year old. But, things were about to change. A person who would radically change the way I thought about a lot of things was about to enter my life. She was a nun. A tough nun. And her name was Sister Sandy Koufax.
Little did I know that the you-know-what was poised to hit the fan.

Next: Part 2: Sister Stopper

Isn't this what they call a Pointer?

I met this beagle in Berkeley awhile ago. I noticed the cool markings on his back and snapped this photo. This pooch could always get a job as a traffic sign (Right Turn OK) or as a mascot for the Baltimore Ravens.

I Want a Monkey!

I want a monkey bad. I've never had one, but I bet they're a blast. Monkeys are like dogs, only smarter. I don't think you can legally have them in California, although it doesn't say anything about no monkeys in our lease. With 3 dogs already, I don't think Angelina would go for it! My friend had a chimp way back when, but I wouldn't want a chimp. All they do is play with themselves and fling poo. No, I want a spider monkey or something smaller and less obnoxious. Why did I post this useless information? Was it because I wanted to get the fact that I desire a monkey as a pet off my chest? Or was it because I found this cute picture of a monkey and I wanted to put it on my blog? I'll never tell!

Bad Blog Reviews Won't Deter Me!!

Well, I've been doing this blog for 2 weeks now, and the reviews are coming in. And, as a whole, they are less than positive. Here they are:

"Why on earth would anyone want to read it? It seems really vain to me to have a blog about your life. Who cares?"
-My supportive MOM

"Reading someone's blog is like reading their bad poetry. Tedious and boring."
-My even more supportive BROTHER

"What's the matter? Did you quit drinking?"
-A supportive FRIEND

"Just keep my name and my picture off it, and we won't have any problems."
-My supportive FIANCEE

You know, what, screw you all! I love my blog and I'm not doing it for anyone but me. I have tried to make it more than just a diary, with articles and jokes and stories, but the critics are hovering in the blog shadows, hatin' and dissin'. I'll get famous from this blog you'll see. I'll get a movie deal or a book deal or I'll trade a big red paper clip for a house, and then you'll all be sorry!!

If nothing else, blogging occupies my free time, helping to keep me out of the Bus Stop (a great bar on Union Street, precisely 2 blocks or 188 steps from my house -- I highly recommend it, but you have to go in there on weekdays. That's when the bartender is Paulie, an incredible guy! ); away from the racetrack (Bay Meadows or Golden Gate Fields, wherever they're running at the time); and clear of any other trouble I might decide to get myself into while idle.

If you happen to like my blog, I am really down right now and need your support more than ever. E-mail me at: era39@aol.com and tell me what you honestly think of this blog.

New Slugger Stamps

I got this media release from Rod Nelson, one of the main people at SABR (The Society of American Baseball Research). "With the issuance of the Sluggers stamps, the U.S. Postal Service recognizes the accomplishments of four baseball greats: Mickey Mantle, Mel Ott, Roy Campanella, and Hank Greenberg. Remembered as powerful hitters who wowed fans with awesome and often record-breaking home runs, these four men were also versatile players who helped to lead their teams to victory and set impressive standards for subsequent generations. These stamps can be yours for the low, low price of .39/each or 20 for $7.80. "

These players were power hitters that knocked in runs in large clusters. They were tough, hard-nosed competitiors, not little singles-hitters. I would be interested to know how many bunts these guys laid down in their careers. I would think very few.

Hank Greenberg, a two-time American League MVP for the Tigers who hit 58 home runs in 1938. He hit 331 homers over his 13-year career as a first baseman and outfielder, despite missing several years while in the military during World War II.
Mickey Mantle, the Yankees' switch-hitter who hit 536 home runs over nearly two decades as one of the game's biggest stars. He was AL MVP three times.
Roy Campanella, the Brooklyn Dodger who hit 242 home runs during his 10-year career, cut short by a car accident. A catcher in five World Series, he was named National League MVP three times.
Mel Ott, remembered for a powerful high-leg-kick batting stance. Ott, an outfielder, distinguished himself with the New York Giants for 22 seasons and was the first NL player to hit 500 home runs. Ott finished with 511 homers, then became a Tigers broadcaster in 1956-58.

Speaking of great baseball sluggers, the Louisville Slugger Bat Company has a great web site with all kinds of information about the most famous bats in the world. It's www.sluggermuseum.com. I've also heard that if you're ever in Kentucky (heaven help you!), they have a great tour at the Louisville Slugger Factory & Museum.

Watch Out for dem Amazin' Mets!

The NY Mets are for real. Last night against the Cubs they scored 11 runs in one inning. Cliff Floyd and Carlos Beltran hit grand slams and David Wright added a 2-run blast all in the same inning! This team is hot! Forget about the Tigers, the Mets are THE team to beat in major league baseball right now. They need a little more pitching (Which I am sure they will trade for in the next couple weeks. I read somewhere that NYM GM Omar Minaya is interested in Oakland's Barry Zito, San Francisco's Jason Schmidt, Florida's Dontrelle Willis, Washington's Livan Hernandez and Chicago's Greg Maddux.), but other than that, they are solid, solid, solid! I really don't see anyone beating them in the NL playoffs right now. The Cardinals are shaky, no one has stepped up in the NL West, and the Braves, for once, are out of contention. So, the Shea Hey Kids are back and ready to roll. All I can say is: Watch out for dem Amazin' Mets!
If you're a true Mets fan, you already know about these popular blogs. If you're just now hopping on the Mets' bandwagon (shame on you for being a frontrunner!) some very cool Mets' blogs are: www.amazinavenue.com and www.metsblog.com. The ghost of Marv Thronberry is rejoicing!

Re-finding friends

I realize 2006 isn't even close to being over. But, I know that when I think about this year in the future, there will be 2 things I will remember -- my enra-, I mean engagement, and the fact that I found a long lost friend this year. He said I could use his real name, so I will. His name is Kelly and he was probably the most important and dear friend I've ever had. We grew up together in the 70's, he lived in La Crescenta and I lived in La Canada, and together we did all the crazed things teenagers do, and a little more. Our specialties included throwing eggs at everything that moved, some minor vandalism, doing prank phone calls (See my story, "The Call" on this blog), singing filthy song parodies and drinking any type of alcohol we could get our hands on. We never got arrested, which is a testament to the times more than anything else. I moved to San Jose in 1977 to go to college and Kelly stayed in La Crescenta to coach baseball and work as a service manager for car dealerships, but we stayed close and saw each other whenever I went down to LA for holidays or Dodger games. The bottom line was that Kelly stopped calling because he quit partying in '94 and felt like our relationship in many ways had always revolved around doing copious amounts of drugs and alcohol (which was true). So, he stopped calling me and drifted away. I guess he didn't feel like I would understand or be able to hang out with the new sober Kelly, and at that period in my life he was probably correct. So, the years rolled by, and every so often I'd try to find Kelly without success. I would call around to other people with the same last name living in the same vicinity, but I could never find him. It was frustrating, because I knew he had my parent's phone number and that he could call them at any time if he wanted to get ahold of me. Finally, earlier this year I had had enough. I began to imagine that Kelly was dead. I hated the idea that I would possibly never see him again. I was now ready to do whatever it took to re-find my friend. So, I hired an investigative service through a web site called www.peoplefinders.com. Another good site I used as part of my search for Kelly is called www.batchmates.com. They referred me to a local detective who helped me track down Kelly. When I realized I had his phone number, I almost lost it because finally I had found my buddy! When we talked on the phone for the first time in 12 years, I was so happy! I got in my car that weekend and drove all the way down to LA just to see him. He's been married three times, and life has been a little rough on him as it has for all of us, but he's still the great guy I knew and I'm sure I will enjoy the process of getting to know him all over again.
After this whole experience, I thought wouldn't it be great to produce a reality show where they help people like me re-find old friends? Then I found out Oprah is already doing it. It figures!

The Joy of Koi

Man, I love Koi. They are the coolest fish. They're essentially really big goldfish. They live in backyard ponds all around the bay area, and it's a huge business. Whenever I think of Koi, I can't help but remember this poor guy I knew whose life was ruined by Koi. For purposes of privacy, let's call him Scooter. Well, I met Scooter when he was working as a bartender at the Cheesecake Factory near my house. He was an amiable sort, if not a bit cocky, but he made great drinks and good conversation, so we quickly became casual friends. Anyway, this guy was a college student who went to the University of Santa Cruz (home of the banana slugs), and at the time MTV was doing a reality show about his fraternity. Well, one night when they were all hammered, they went out to a Koi pond on the Santa Cruz campus, caught a 12-lb, Koi, cooked it and ate it. The MTV crew got it all on tape and when they showed it on TV, people were understandably really upset. Scooter was arrested and sent to jail for Koi homicide. He and one of his frat brothers were looking at some hard time in a fishbowl known as the Santa Cruz County Jail. What must have been going through these poors saps' minds as they sat with the vomiting drunks and stinky homeless types, knowing the entire time that they were there because of a fish? The national media took the story and ran with it, and pretty soon Scooter had a lot of the kind of attention he could have done without. The local rag newspaper in town wrote a long piece about the incident, and actually disclosed the location where Scooter worked in the article, which I thought was extremely uncool. Sure, the kid screwed up, but c'mon -- he deals with the public in his job because he's a bartender, so why don't we tell the whole world where he works so that Koi lovers can go down there and harass him? (Which they did, by the way.) One of the funniest things happened one day when Scooter was working, and one of the television sets at the bar was on CNN. All of a sudden, the tracker thing that scrolls along at the bottom of the screen read, "Frat boy kills Koi in Northern California". Everyone gave Scooter a hard time after that. We'd ask him things like if the fish special was fresh. Angelina even asked him if people were giving him carp about the whole incident! Instead of Scooter, his name was now Koi Boy. Well, the case eventually went to court, which meant a whole new barrage of media attention for poor Scooter. The judge wasn't pleased over the fact that Scoots wasn't showing any remorse. Scooter had already expressed in the media that he thought the whole incident had been blown way out of proportion. He tried to compare it to hitting a squirrel with your car or the old school frat boy swallowing a goldfish routine -- he made it clear that he felt it was much ado about nothing. Consequently, Scooty got the shaft while his frat bro walked away fairly unscathed. The judge didn't see it Scooter's way, so he got a ton of community service and had to pay a hefty fine. The funniest part of the story -- the community work that the judge assigned him involved stoop labor down at the Japanese Tea Gardens in San Jose's Kelly Park -- cleaning carp's crap out of an enormous Koi pond. Hopefully, Koi all over the world are laughing at the Scootsman. It must be like a story Koi tell other Koi and laugh about at Koi bars.
If you're interested in Koi and/or Koi ponds, visit these web sites:
www.koi.com, which has a cool Koi encyclopedia and talking dictionary about Koi; and www.koiusa.com -- a very in-the-know Koi web site by the people who publish Koi USA magazine. If you want to buy some Koi for yourself or talk to someone about Koi ponds, Bob Akins is an expert. He's one of the owners of Superior Koi, located at Concord Feed & Fuel in Concord. Their phone number is: (925) 940-1200. Give them a call. A Koi pond will relax you and make you live longer, and that's a fact!

A Heartwarming Story

Here is a story you like to see. Make-A-Wish is an incredible group, and from what I've heard this kid Mark is a really amazing kid. When people get together and do these kinds of things for other people, it really makes you proud to be a member of the human race.

MAACO Collision Repair & Auto Painting in San Jose, in conjunction with the Greater Bay Area Make-A-Wish Foundation, assembled a group of local businesses to help refurbish a hand-me-down 1997 Ford F250 truck for Mark, (last name withheld for reasons of privacy) a 15-year old high school student from Los Gatos who is battling Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
The truck was presented to Mark and his family on June 22 at the MAACO Collision & Auto Painting facility on 80 Pullman Way in San Jose. MAACO Manager Tony Amarante and representatives from the Greater Bay Area Make-A-Wish Foundation were on hand.
After Mark received his grandfather’s white long-bed work truck as a gift, he decided his wish would be to have the vehicle completely refurbished to reflect his style as a teenage boy.
MAACO donated 75 percent of all the labor and materials involved in the project, and also got local vendors to get involved. After Market Plus replaced the truck’s wheels, rims, and tires; Auto Sound put in a brand new stereo; Custom Auto Upholstery installed new leather seats, and Midas Muffler installed Flowmaster mufflers and pipes.

Photo: 15-year-old Mark of Los Gatos and his 1997 Ford F250 truck completely refurbished by MAACO Collision Repair & Auto Painting of San Jose and presented to Mark by the Greater Bay Area Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Make-A-Wish is an awesome group and a solid charity. I would recommend that if you happen to have a bunch of $$ laying around that you should give them a hefty portion. Visit their web site at www.makeawish.com.

Loosen Up, Sputniks. Go Fly a Kite!

Like I said in my profile description, I am just a large (280-lbs. 6'1") child. What makes me different is that I know it and I'm not afraid to admit it. There are a lot of guys in my same age-range (we're Sputnik babies!), and many of them try to act all serious and business-like all the time. I find them BOR-ING! I believe that there's a time to be serious and a time to let go and have fun, and the sooner these drab downers realize that the happier they will be. How can someone take this life seriously? I mean, if you were from another planet and you read about this country and how most of us live in this world today, you would think it was BAD FICTION! In 100 years (more like 20 for me) we'll ALL BE DEAD (pretty much.) So, why be so glum, so focused, so driven? For what? So you can have a nice house, car, boat, lots of $$ -- all of which you can't take with you after you're gone. My attitude has always been have a little fun. Do what I do -- walk your dog for a couple hours and let him pee on anything he wants to. Go to a museum or a zoo or a movie in the middle of the week for no reason. Skip out from work and go to the beach or the park and have a picnic. Drive up to the mountains (if you have any nearby) and hike some trails. I love things like slip and slides, yo-yo's, silly putty, superballs, nerf footballs, silly string, whoopie cushions, those huge squirt guns and hula hoops. I love to play games like Marco Polo, hide and seek, kick the can, red rover, monkey in the middle, slide football (which I invented, by the way -- more on that in an upcoming post) capture the flag, steal the bacon, tag and hide the kelbasa. Take the time to do something meaningless, frivolous and care-free; without your boss or teacher or supervisor around to spoil your fun. Happy people live longer and are healthier overall. Getting all stressed out about things is so meaningless. It reminds me of when I see hamsters running on those treadmills in their cages. Like little ants in a colony, we get in our cars and go to our jobs everyday, and before we know it, we're old and creeky and ready to die. So, seize the moment, my friends. Go fly a kite today, a really big one -- like the ones in these pictures. I saw these recently at MLK park in Berkeley. Kite clubs from all over the bay area go out there every weekend and fly these babies. Now these are kites.
If you're looking for a cool kite, visit either of these fun kite web sites: www.worldwidekites.com or www.funwithwind.com.