SF Weekly Punks Us All!

The SF Weekly is featuring a cover story this week entitled, “Steroids Confidential – Greg Anderson Has Given Up His Freedom Rather Than Testify About Barry Bonds. But One Man Has Learned The Trainer’s Secrets,” a piece written by Nic Foit and Ira Tes. When I first read this article, I was absolutely astonished at what it uncovered. And what I learned after reading it shocked me even more.

In the article, they reveal that Barry Bonds injected steroids into his penis in order to satisfy his mistress Kimberly Bell, which later led to Bonds not being able to bend over and caused an error that led to the California Angels beating the Angels in the 2002 World Series. The article also goes on to tell about a titanium brace that had to be implanted into Bonds’ neck in order to keep his huge bobble-like steroid’ed head from flopping over. The article then goes into detail about the supposed fact that now that the MLB is testing for steroids, Bonds consumes a “power drink” that consists mainly of elk semen.

The fact is -- this entire article is a ruse. If you unscramble the authors’ names, you come up with “Fiction and Satire.” What I can’t believe is that there is not one single disclaimer within the entire piece. In one sense – it’s absolutely brilliant. From another point of view, it’s completely irresponsible. If Bonds does not sue the SF Weekly, I will be very surprised.

To read this very creatively written article, check out this link: http://www.sfweekly.com/2007-09-26/news/barry-bonds-drinks-elk-semen-lactates-shoots-hgh-in-scrotum-former-trainer-tells-all/

The San Francisco Art Car Parade, Part III

The San Francisco Art Car Parade, Continued

The San Francisco Art Car Parade

Yesterday San Francisco hosted an incredible one-of-a-kind event – an Art Car Parade and Festival. Starting at Marina Park and winding along the Bay through Fisherman’s Wharf and to the Embarcadero, the parade featured over 30 decorated vehicles. What a spectacle! My favorite was the Sashimi Tabernacle Choir car, an automobile from Texas covered with models of lobsters and fish – 250 of them! They are bolted to a Volvo and when cued, sing a series of songs, everything from opera to pop to punk rock. The car has 2 computers, over 200 pounds of batteries and five miles of control system wire. Wow!
Here is what Wikipedia says about the Art car phenomenon:
An art car is a vehicle that has its appearance modified as an act of personal artistic expression. Art car artists usually drive and own their own work. They are sometimes referred to as "Cartists". Art car artists or owners often dress in a matching motif when displaying their cars. Art cars and car artists come from all walks of life, uphold a wide range of personal philosophies and beliefs and come from all political groups.
An important aspect of art cars and car artists is the general belief that there are no standards. Ideally, there are no super stars nor is any car better than any other. Art cars are unique in that no art car is a "bad" or "wrong" art car. There is more of a sense of inclusion than in other car groups which focus on standards, specific historic periods or makes and models of car.
Most car artists are ordinary people with no artistic training. They are largely self-taught and self funded, though some mainstream trained artists have also worked in the art car medium. Some consider their art to be created as a source of income or as "professional" artworks. Most others agree that creating and driving an art car daily is its own reward. Well known artists like Roy Lichtenstein, Andy Warhol etc. have designed BMW Art Cars and their work has been reflected in racing cars like the BMW V12 LMR.
Art cars can be driven as daily drivers. Others are hauled around the country on trailers and have never driven any where but within art car shows. Others are found everywhere from the local grocery store, to formal museums to organized shows. Some are predominantly functional whereas others are considered primarily art works. Some car artists would never rent their car out while others build cars to make money.

A Love Letter to My Laptop

Ah, but how I love my laptop computer. I don’t know what I’d do without you, my sweet little laptop. You’re like a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stuffy world. How can I describe my relationship with my laptop? I don’t know. She never complains, she doesn’t nag me or use my credit card without permission or kick me out of the bed for being gassy, and whenever I push her lovely Power button, she lights up as if seeing me is the highlight of her day. I call her Dell and she calls me User. We hang out at Starbucks and down at Golden Gate Park and work on projects together. Oh, yes – I love my little laptop – and until I upgrade one day – I guess I always will!

Pulse Oximeters

A pulse oximeter is a gauge that you can use to check the oxygen levels in your blood. It goes right on your finger and an LED read out then tells you the data. Many people who want to gauge the oxygen levels in their blood are using this device to get the information they need very quickly and accurately.

Outdoor Kitchens: The Wave of the Future!

The outdoor kitchen has really come a long way. A good friend of mine just had one installed on his backyard deck and it’s really great, with high-tech appliances and awesome functionality. It’s got a state-of-the-art grill, a refrigerator, a kegger, some incredible track lighting, a full wet bar and much more. The outdoor kitchen is the new wave of the future and is really worth looking into.

Shaking One for the Home Team

CBS NFL analyst Charlie Casserly reported on yesterday’s pregame show that the NFL sent a memo to all 32 teams last week informing them that home teams are not allowed to tell their cheerleaders to warm up, stretch, or otherwise do anything in front of the visiting team's bench that might distract the players before the game.Apparently there were concerns around the league that some teams had specifically told their cheerleading units to warm up prior to the game right in front of the visiting team, in hopes that the visiting team's players would be too distracted checking out the cheerleaders to pay attention to their coaches' pregame instructions.

“Some of the girls were getting a little too close to the visiting teams,” said Perky Areolas, head cheerleader consultant and official pom-pom inspector for the NFL. “There were actually a couple lap dances going on. We found dollar bills in some of the ladies’ cheering shorts, which is highly inappropriate.”

Some cheerleaders were also allegedly wearing tiny microphones in their tight-fitting outfits and asking opposing players to divulge plays and formations. “We were just doing what the coaches told us to do,” an anonymous NFL cheerleader said. “I was able to get a little bit of one team’s game plan out of a rookie who couldn’t keep his eyes off of my undulating breasts. Hey, if it gives our guys an advantage, we’ll do whatever it takes.” There has been no word on whether it's legal to videotape the opposing team's cheerleaders. “This is getting crazy,” said one unnamed NFL official. “Pretty soon they’re going to make the cheerleaders wear burlap sacks so that they don’t distract people. Hey, they’re cheerleaders. If they’re not distracting folks, they’re not doing their job!”

(Portions of this article cam from aol.com, while others are pure fiction provided for entertainment purposes only.)

What's Up Dog!

I found a great little place in San Francisco that does one of my favorite foods right. I’m talking about hot dogs – those wonderfully flavorful little meat sausages that bring me indescribable joy. A good hot dog reminds me of so many things from my childhood – going to baseball games with my family, summer picnics, hanging out at the beach. One time I ate 14 hot dogs and won a contest in college. I got really sick later, but I didn’t care.

The restaurant that I’m talking about is called What’s Up Dog! Owned and operated by a couple of hard-working young guys in San Francisco’s trendy Union Street district, What’s Up Dog! is a hot dog lover’s dream.

They have 13 links/sausages to choose from – from your basic hot dog all the way to gourmet sausages like kielbasa, Italian sausage, Louisiana hot links, bratwursts and more. Then, they feature 12 customer favorites, consisting of classic dogs, produce and condiment combinations that will have you waxing nostalgic. Some of these include the Chicago Style, the New York Style, the Texas Dog and the North Beach Dog. They even have some unusual selections like the BLT Wrap Dog, the Pastrami Dog (I can go for pastrami on anything, so why not my dog?), and a Four Cheese Dog. My favorite (and I’ve tried most of them) is the incredible Southern Dog, with chili and cole slaw. The chili at What’s Up Dog is awesome – full of meat and flavor. Throw in the creamy cole slaw and you have one amazing dog.

They grill all their hot dogs at What's Up Dog! which is the way to go. I used to like my hot dogs boiled, and I had a very intense argument about the concept of boiled vs. grilled a long time ago with a good friend. But, as I got older, I began to realize that grilling a dog brings out the flavor and is really the only way to go.

What’s Up Dog! also has sandwiches if you’re all dogged out, featuring things like hot pastrami, rib-eye steak, meatball and grilled chicken. They also have great French fries, chili/cheese fries, garlic fries, onion rings, and get this – bacon cheese fries! These guys are my kind of people – they’ll put chili and bacon on just about anything.

One of the main things I like about What’s Up Dog! are the buns. A great dog can be ruined if the bread surrounding it isn’t perfect. And, believe me, WUD! has the ideal buns – large, soft and delectable.

What’s Up Dog! is located at 2211 Filbert Street at Fillmore, San Francisco, CA 94123.
You can phone in your order ahead of time at (415) 776-DOGS (3647). To take a look at their extensive menu, visit their web site at http://www.whatsupdog.com/.

Bonds Will Be Giant No More

Barry Bonds will not be a San Francisco Giant next year. Who he’ll be playing for is unknown, but one thing is certain – the man has worn out his welcome in the City by the Bay. After breaking Hank Aaron’s career home run record and having a mediocre season this year by Bonds’ standards, Barry will be looking for a job. It’s been a long run for him in San Francisco, the team he’ll always be associated with after his career is long over.

A lot of fans are saying that Giants Owner Peter Magowan is abandoning Bonds after his team benefited from all the fame, press and added attendance that came with the home run record chase. That’s a bunch of nonsense. Bonds was paid very well and if anything, the Giants could have sprung him last winter but didn’t out of loyalty for what Barry did for the team in the past.

Logically, Bonds will be going to a team in the American League, where he can DH and put his glove in storage -- which is a good thing, considering he’s lost a few steps in the outfield, where he was definitely a liability for the Giants this season.

And what team in its right mind will want to pay Bonds the big bucks he will no doubt be demanding? The Yankees? (Steinbrenner will love the press he’ll get) The Angels? (Bonds will fit right in at Disneyland) Or how about a small market team like the Royals or the Devil Rays where he can be a big fish in a small pond? Other stars played their last seasons on lesser-known teams. Babe Ruth ended his career as a Boston Brave and Aaron finished off playing for the Milwaukee Brewers. Maybe Barry would like to fade off into the sunset on a team that will adore him just for who he is.

This appeared on aol.com sports last night:

The Giants told Bonds they will not bring him back next season, ending a 15-year run in which he set the single-season and all-time home run records and became a lightning rod for the steroids debate in baseball."It's always difficult to say goodbye," Giants owner Peter Magowan said Friday. "It's an emotional time for me. We've been through a lot together these 15 years. A lot of good things have happened. Unfortunately a lot of bad things have happened. But there comes a time when you have to go in a different direction."On his Web site, Bonds said he wasn't done."There is more baseball in me and I plan on continuing my career. My quest for a World Series ring continues," he said.The 43-year-old Bonds did not join Magowan and general manager Brian Sabean at the news conference. Asked whether he had anything to add, Bonds said, "I already made my statement."Bonds had always said he wanted to finish his career in the comfort of his hometown, where his father, Bobby, played alongside his godfather, Willie Mays. Bonds talked with Giants Hall of Famer Willie McCovey and took batting practice in the cage before Friday night's game against Cincinnati.Bonds hasn't played since Sept. 15 because of a sprained right big toe and was out of the lineup again. Manager Bruce Bochy said he thought Bonds could play this weekend. The Giants' final homestand ends Wednesday night.Magowan said he and Sabean recently decided about Bonds' future. Magowan personally told Bonds in a 90-minute meeting during Thursday night's game against Cincinnati."I think he knew the decision was coming," Magowan said. "I don't think it was surprising to him. I think, naturally, he was disappointed, maybe somewhat saddened," Magowan said. "But he was really very respectful."Bonds broke Hank Aaron's record with his 756th home run on Aug. 7. Bonds helped revitalize a struggling franchise that nearly moved to Florida before he signed with the Giants as a free agent in December 1992.Bonds has spent the past 15 seasons of his 22-year big league career with the Giants. Re-signed as a free agent in the offseason, he made $19.3 million in a one-year contract, including $3.5 million in bonuses.Shadowed by steroid speculation for the past few years, Bonds has hit 28 homers this season, raising his career total to 762. The seven-time NL MVP is batting .279 with 66 RBIs and a major league-leading 132 walks."He can still play," Sabean said. "He's still one of the biggest threats of any No. 4 hitter in the National League."Prior to the toe injury, he had been mostly healthy, playing 125 games. The left fielder has 2,935 career hits and has said that reaching 3,000 is a goal of his."This is a guy who plays every day and is still leading the National League in some league categories, which is amazing," teammate Barry Zito said. "He's really done special things this year being at the age that he is. If Barry has the opportunity to go be a DH somewhere I'm sure that's only going to prolong his career."Despite Bonds' personal achievements, the season has been a disappointing one for the Giants, who are mired deep in last place in the NL West."We've heard for a long time that the Giants are an old team and want to get younger, so we're not surprised," said Bonds' agent, Jeff Borris. "Barry is their oldest player, but qualitatively, he's their best player.""He's still planning on playing next year, irrespective of whether it's an AL or NL team," he said.