The Lousy Drunk of the Year Award

(I’ve done some pretty stupid stuff while intoxicated, I hate to admit. One time I ran out onto a basketball court and slid headfirst in front of about 5,000 people at a college basketball game in Fresno. But, this guy must have really been whacked out to do something this crazy. Not only did he wake up the next morning with a really bad hangover, but he had a nice big panda bite to go along with it. And all this after only 4 beers? What a lightweight! And they're not going to arrest him? If he tried this stunt here in California, he'd get at least 60 days, not to mention all the heat he'd catch from animal groups.)

BEIJING (AP) — A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.
"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.
The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.
"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."
Other tourists yelled for a zookeeper, who got the panda under control by spraying it with water, reports said. Zhang was hospitalized.
Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.
The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."
"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."
Ye Mingxia, a spokeswoman for the Beijing Zoo, confirmed the incident happened but would not give any details. She said Gu Gu was "healthy."
"We're not considering punishing him now," Ye said in a telephone interview. "He's suffered quite a bit of shock.

Put a Fork in the SF Giants: They're Done!

The San Francisco Giants lost again yesterday, and I think it's safe to say they will be watching the playoffs on TV this season. The Boys by the Bay never really got it together this year, and even though they showed signs of making a run every once in awhile, they bogged down at the crucial moments and are now deader than roadkill on Hwy. 101 at this point. There is hope for next year, however, because they've got some real good young pitching with guys like Lowry and Cain. The big questions during the offseason will be how can they get younger overall. With veterans like Bonds, Alou, Durham, Schmidt and Finley, they are an old and cricketty bunch. Now that the Giants are done, their only real joy in life will come during the final 3 games of the season, when they will attempt to do what they do best -- knock the hated Dodgers out of postseason play.