I've Been Published!!

My story about the horrific experience I had with online dating (recently published on this blog) came out in a book called "Chemistry and Numbers 2: Sexy, Funny, Horrifying, and Yes, Successful Online Dating Stories from more than 50 Online Daters."

To order the book, go to: http://www.amazon.com/Chemistry-Numbers-Horrifying-Successful-Stories/dp/1419651676

The Bush Monkey Boy? American Idol Has Gone Too Far

American Idol is one of those TV shows that I swear I will not watch and then I invariably end up watching it every week. But, after the first two episodes of the new season aired this last week, I just want to say that I think the show has gone too far. People tune in to see Simon Cowell destroy people’s dreams, but when he told that one kid from Seattle that he looked like a bush monkey, that was going too far. Maybe it'as true, but you don't say it to someone's face. I have a neighbor who looks like a collie, but have I told her? Well, not directly. It’s one thing to be brutally honest about someone’s talent, and some of these people are amazingly deluded, but to bash someone’s personal appearance is unkind and uncalled for. Simon is obviously a multi-millionaire, but really what has he done other than be a harsh critic and wear cheap K-Mart t-shirts? If you look at his achievements in the music business, you’ll find that Cowell’s claim to fame came about when he did records with pro wrestlers and the Power Rangers. How can he position himself as a talent expert? It’s a train wreck each week to watch Simon brutally criticize people with dreams of stardom, but when you go after folks about the way they look, it’s cruel and unusual punishment.

But Will He Lose His Sense of Humor?

Overweight comedy king Jeff Beacher has set himself a 1-year-goal to lose 100 lbs and run in next year's 3rd annual Las Vegas Marathon. His stomach, which looks like a large ass, has bothered him and others to the point where he has decided to get rid of it completely. He's also promised a "NO SEX" rule, with a $200,000 penalty he'll shell out if he fails the challenge. He told Luxe Life: "Since I moved to Vegas three years ago I have gained over 100 lbs." He now weighs in at a dangerous 370 lbs! Beacher added: "I love Vegas, the people, the lifestyle; and they love my stomach that looks like a big hairy butt, but I now know it's time to change. If I don't I will die and lose everything, I will transform myself from Hollywood Slob to Hollywood Heartthrob." Experts say if that is to happen, he’ll actually have to get a face transplant as well. The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino is backing him in the arduous undertaking. Odds right now at the sportsbook are 15-1 that Beacher will be able to lose the weight. The resort's Rock Spa trainers have created a special food and physical workout routine for him. Bernie Yuman, chairman of the Las Vegas Marathon has even hired him a dietician for proper meals and a running coach with personal trainer. Beacher is the 1st person signed on with the Las Vegas Road Runners club already for its official training program to enter next year's 26.2-mile Marathon. He'll add a motivational psychotherapist if he starts slipping at any point of the 12-month life-change. Beacher begins four days of running and two days of cross training when he returns from the weekend in Miami on Monday. "My lifestyle just hasn't been conducive to good health. Dining out several nights a week on high-calorie, high-fat meals could have been a killer," he said. "I’ve been asked to leave several buffets because I am such a pig. It's going to be a radical change to the way I've lived, but it has to be before it's too late. Most celebrities keep fit with power-workouts. Instead mine was power-eating." He confirmed that he's going to swear-off sex for the year-long battle and is even offering $100,000 to any female who breaks his vow of celibacy with a matching $100,000 to a charity." It's a total test of will power but at the end I'll be able to celebrate two successes! That's the ultimate goal: svelte, slimmed down and very sexy!"

This Week's Restaurant Review: Tiramisu in SF

San Francisco has every kind of restaurant imaginable – the food from every country and culture, no matter how small or obscure, is represented in this town. But, if I had to pick one specific type of restaurant in which this city really excels, it would have to be Italian. For some reason, maybe because there are so many transplanted Italians living here, the City by the Bay has a plethora of Italian places that are, in my opinion, head and shoulders above anything you’ll ever find in any other city in this country, with maybe the exception of New York. One of these gems is a place named Café Tiramisu, a Northern Italian specialty restaurant. Tiramisu looks and tastes delicious in every way – from the fresco murals of Pompeii that adorn the walls, all the way to the outdoor café seating area that looks like something straight out of Italy. Located on a restaurant row, Tiramisu stands out as the best on the block. It’s authentic, painstakingly prepared and family-inspired food featuring recipes that have been handed down through many generations. Pino Spinoso is the head chef, and he creates food that is from the heart. We have been to Café Tiramisu on several occasions, and I’ve never had a bad or even a mediocre experience there. I usually start off my meal at Tiramisu with a salad. All of the offerings are fresh and inventive. The Autumn Roasted Chiogga Salad with Pecans, Fresh Herbs and Gorgonzola ($9); the Shrimp and Crab Tower with a Sherry Vinaigrette ($13); or the Romaine Caesar Salad with Fresh Dungeness with Saffron Sauce and Arugola Salad ($12) are all outstanding. For some memorable appetizers, try the Foie Gras Pan Seared with Whipped Extra Virgin Olive Oil Mashed Potatoes and Summer Truffle Sauce ($16). It’s one of Tiramisu’s signature dishes and you won’t soon forget it. The Smith Ranch Meat Tartar with Celery, Parmesan and Truffle Vinaigrette ($11), and the Blank Ink Scallops with your choice of Three Sauces ($12) is heaven on earth. For entrees, I would suggest the Monk Fish “Ossobuco” with Slow Roasted Tomatoes, Cauliflower, and Sardinian Couscous ($19); the Braised Short Ribs with Caramelized Shallots over Horse Radish Mashed Potatoes ($18) and the Crispy Chicken al Mattone, “Cooked Under a Brick” with Roasted Potatoes and Spicy Broccoli ($17). They’re all beyond imagination with flavor. The desserts at Tiramisu are also amazing – I would recommend the Apple Torte with Raisins and Pine Nuts, Vanilla Ice Cream, Calvados and Zabaglione ($7.50) and the Tiramisu ($8 per person for a tasting for two or more), are not just noteworthy, they’re monumentally fantastic. If I’m running out of adjectives trying to tell you how great Tiramisu is, I apologize. Let’s just say there’s a word for this place that hasn’t been invented yet. Go there and come up with your own! Tiramisu is located at 28 Belden Place, between Bush and Pine in SF. Their number is: (415) 421-7044. They’re open for lunch and dinner and reservations are strongly suggested.

107.9 The End: My Douche Bags of the Month

I am completely upset over the recent news that a woman died from drinking too much water in an on-air contest held at 107.9 The End, a radio station in Sacramento. This tragedy is another example of how radio is the absolute lowest entertainment form on the planet, right down there with mimes and party clowns. I have some friends who are DJ’s and I consider them to be a little higher quality than most of the pabulum serving hacks out there because at least they act like real human beings and not like robotic reading machines. These idiot DJ’s killed this woman in my opinion. How dumb can they be? Haven’t they heard about other people who have died from consuming too much water? First off, it’s a crazy idea from the very start. Why would you ever make it into a contest? Why don’t they just ask people to burn cigarette holes in their arms or eat feces? It’s just inane to begin with. Radio station DJ’s are untalented as a rule. They are unoriginal and will copy each other because it’s all about ratings. They come on with their phony sounding voices and announce things like celebrity birthdays and entertainment gossip and other assorted meaningless drivel. They show up at shopping malls doing stupid promotions and give away things like buttons and cheap-ass t-shirts. I And then they put on these dumb contests, where listeners will scramble for anything free. They think they are giving folks their 15 seconds of fame, but it’s basically pathetic. The DJ’s for 107.9 The End should be fired and taken off the air forever. Spare all of us this type of idiocy and keep them away from the public. I happily make them my douche bags of the month!

The Best Diets Pills are the Ones that Really Work and Don't Contain Harmful Things

I am attempting to lose roughly 30 lbs. but I can’t stop eating! I love food too much. That’s why I’m going to try out what I’ve been told are the Best Diet Pills on the market. I just ordered 2 kinds: Metabo Speed XXX and Hoodia 750. Both are completely natural and are highly rated. Wish me luck!

Metabolism Boosters are a Weight Loss Option

One way of losing weight quickly is by using a Metabolism Booster. They help you burn food faster and thereby you shed pounds. My good friend Timmy “Tiny” Lardner has been using them and lost a bunch of weight last year. I’m going to be looking into the possibility of using one, and I’ll let all of you know how it works!

The Magic Kingdom in Florida

I’ve been to Disneyland at least 15 times in my life, but I’ve always wanted to go to Disney World. That’s why I’m trying to learn more about Orlando vacations. With Epcot Center and all of the incredible resorts surrounding the entire area, I think Orlando would be a great place to visit. There’s just so much going on there.

NFL Championship Predictions

New Orleans: 31 Chicago: 17

Indianapolis: 21 New England: 20

My Golden Globe Predictions

I like the Golden Globes a lot more than the Oscars. They are just a little more laid back and a lot more fun. Here are my predictions for this year's winners in the major categories:

Best Film, Drama: Babel

Best Film, Comedy/Musical: Little Miss Sunshine

Best Actor, Drama: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland

Best Actress, Drama: Helen Mirren, The Queen

Best Actor, Comedy/Musical: Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat

Best Actress, Comedy/Musical: Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada

Best Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

Best Director: Martin Scorsese, The Departed