More of My Wacky Artwork

My art is getting mixed responses. The last time I posted some, people commented extensively. Some were surprisingly complimentary. Others were brutally critical. Here are some more of my pieces. Judge for yourself.

The Bruination of USC

I still cannot believe that USC lost to UCLA. I’m always torn when the two teams play each other. My mom went to UCLA and my brother recently graduated from Southern Cal. But, there was no way I thought the Trojans were going to fold up like a cheese omelet the way they did last Saturday. It just proves a point – never underestimate the power of a long-time bitter rivalry. UCLA and USC hate each other. It goes all the way back to O.J. Simpson and Gary Beban and the fact that John Wooden’s Bruins basketball team spanked USC for so many years. The two schools are so different. You can see it in their student bodies, alumni and fans. USC people are more corporate. They wear their red sweaters and talk business when they’re not taking football. They’re more grounded and less creative. They are also a little arrogant. Bruin supporters are more whimsical. They’ve got a laid-back attitude, but are still very competitive. They are more likely to get a little wild and do crazy stuff. USC is like U.S. Steel. UCLA is like Google. USC fans drink wine and mixed drinks out of nice cups and eat steak and lobster at their tailgate parties. UCLA fans drink beer and Red Bull out of the can and prefer ribs or barbecued chicken at their tailgaters. This game was a classic example of how teams tend to look past an opponent they don’t respect. The Trojans were thinking about Ohio State in Arizona, not UCLA. They failed to finish, and nobody respects a non-finisher. The biggest surprise is that Pete Carroll let the team lose its focus at exactly the wrong time. You can talk about how Booty blew it, or how the Trojan’s defense didn’t step up, but the bottom line is that I blame the coach in a situation like this. So, now the Trojans get sloppy seconds and have to play a strong Michigan team that will be looking to take Southern Cal’s heads off. I predict a major letdown on the part of USC. They were so close, but they screwed the pooch by not being prepared to play a team that is obviously inferior. When we look back at the biggest upsets in college football history, this one will really stand out. In the end, I don’t think it matters, anyway. I believe that Ohio State is by far the most dominant team out there this season, and that no one ever had a chance to beat them in the championship game. I predict that they’ll spank Florida by at least 14 points. But, to think that USC’s season was essentially ruined by the Bruins is a tough one to swallow – they were so close and yet so far.

This Week's Restaurant Review: McCovey's in Walnut Creek

Sports bars are rarely known for their cuisine. We’re talking burgers, sandwiches, salads and a lot of finger food. People go to sports bars to drink and watch sports. If they get drunk enough or get the munchies, they’ll usually settle for sub-par food, as long as their favorite game is one on of the TV’s in the joint. I have never had spectacular food at a sports bar. Some of it has been pretty decent, but the majority would best be described as very mediocre. That’s why I’m not surprised but I am quite unhappy to say that I recently went to a highly renowned sports bar where the food can only be described as totally inedible. The place I am referring to is called McCovey’s, a trendy spot located in the yuppified section of downtown Walnut Creek. The atmosphere here is remarkable, with one of the most comprehensive collection of baseball memorabilia I’ve ever seen in one location, except maybe at the Cooperstown Baseball Hall of Fame. I am a huge baseball fan, and when I go in McCovey’s I feel like I’m in a baseball museum. They have autographed bats, balls, jerseys, artifacts and artwork that is unsurpassed on the West Coast, in my opinion. But, that’s where the McCovey magic stops. First, let’s address the service. I am not a real complainer when it comes to restaurants, as anyone who reads my reviews knows. Give me decent food and fairly attentive service, and I am a happy camper. But, when service is really bad, I go out of my way to say something about it. If it occurs once, I can be somewhat forgiving, but I have been to McCovey’s 3-4 times to watch games and meet clients, and the service has been atrocious each and every time. The wait staff there seems to specialize is forgetting you exist. They make you wait a good 10-15 minutes before they realize you’re there and then they let you sit with nothing on your table for another 10. When they do take your order, it’s invariably wrong, and then you have to send stuff back and wait all over again. Then, the food is not good. They serve all of your basic sports bar items – from pizzas to burgers to hot dogs and the like. They also try to do some other higher-end items at McCovey’s like Ahi Tuna and Prime Rib. But, overall the food is less than all-star quality. The other day I was in there for lunch and I ordered the Fish & Chips. The fish was undercooked and the fries were limp, even though I requested that they be extra crispy. To add insult to injury, they had to be the most expensive Fish & Chips this side of London – a whopping $16.95! You would think that for that kind of money, you’d at least get something other than cold cod and potatoes. McCovey’s isn’t a total shutout – the beers on tap are decent and the drinks I’ve had were good. But, overall the place is surely not a home run. I would rate it somewhere between a pop up and a bunt single. Go in there to watch your favorite team and then venture down the street where Walnut Creek offers a plethora of superior food alternatives. McCovey’s is located at 1444 North California Avenue in Walnut Creek and their phone number is: (510) 268-7050.

More Yuckfest photos

Photo 1: The Marines were out in full force.

Photo 2: Grateful Don kicked ass as lead vocalist for Chubby's All-Stars

Photo 3: Every year, it's great to see Mad Dog, the roadie for Chubby's All-Stars

The Yuckfest Was a Success!

Last night's Yuletide Yuckfest was a complete success. The comics were great, and Chubby's All-Star Band kicked ass. The highlight of the evening had to be the appearance of Spinal Tap's Viv Savage (pictured at right). Thanks to everyone who was there to help Toys for Tots!!

The Dine and Dash Olympics

(I did a little dining and dashing back in my crazy days. It's actually quite a rush. I remember one time I got my fat ass stuck in a bathroom window trying to flee from a Denny's. This waiter came in, saw me and grabbed one of my legs. I kicked him and the motion sent me right through the window and into the parking lot in the back. My friends were waiting in their Pinto to drive me to safety. Obviously, dining and dashing has developed into an art form in Qunicy, Massachusetts. This poor IHOP owner has decided to run his place using Gestapo-like tactics. If I was a 20-something d&d'er, I'd go to this place just for the challenge. The IHOP logo (pictured here) should say, "Come hungry. But, bring $$!")

QUINCY, Mass. - John Russo has been a victim of identity theft. So when he was asked to fork over a photo ID just to be seated at an IHOP pancake restaurant, he flipped.
"You want my license? I'm going for pancakes, I'm not buying the Hope diamond,' and they refused to seat us," Russo said, recounting his experience this week at the Quincy IHOP.
The restaurant now has agreed to reverse the policy of requiring customers to turn over their driver's licenses before they can order — a rule that was enacted to discourage "dine and dash" thefts.
WCVB-TV in Boston reported the Quincy restaurant's policy had been enacted without corporate approval.
IHOP Corp., based in Glendale, Calif., released a statement Monday night to WCVB that said an employee felt the policy could eliminate the problem of people leaving without paying.
"This was done without the knowledge or approval of management. ... We apologize to any guest who was inconvenienced," the statement said.
Russo said a security guard at the restaurant had "at least 40" licenses in hand when he arrived to eat.
"Identity theft is rampant. I wouldn't want to give my license, with my address or Social Security number to anyone that I'm not familiar with," Russo said. "I'm going just for breakfast."

Barry Bombs

The San Francisco Giants rejected Barry Bonds’ request for arbitration yesterday, which means there’s a very good chance they don’t want him back in 2007. Instead, the team is making a big play for Manny Ramirez, after losing out on bidding wars for players like Soriano, Carlos Lee, Gary Matthews and Juan Pierre. I really can’t blame them. Take away all of the steroid stuff, put the records aside, ignore all of the bad press the guy has received, and the bottom line is that Barry Bonds is no longer an everyday player. He can’t play in day games that follow night games, and last season he would always miss at least one game each weekend. He’s also become a real liability in the field and cost the Giants several games last year with his bad fielding. I live in San Francisco, so I got to see Barry a lot last season, and to be honest, he looks like a man who is sticking around just to break a record. With a career total of 734 home runs, he needs just 22 more to make history and pass Hank Aaron as the all-time leader. But, now it seems like no one wants to have anything to do with the guy. The way I look at it, he brought all of this upon himself. I have been in Barry’s presence a couple of times. I saw him play for Serra High School in San Mateo many years ago. He had an entourage way back then. I met him once when I was producing a TV commercial for Fox Sports and I sat down with him one time when I was covering a charity event for a newspaper I was writing for. Both times he seemed withdrawn, sullen, self-absorbed and acted like somewhat of a jerk, basically. I saw him ridicule people and refuse to sign autographs for little kids. I know he’s had a lot of problems with the press, but when I met him, I was totally willing to approach him like just another human being. He wanted none of it. So, the bottom line is this – where will Barry Bonds end up in 2007. The Oakland A’s showed interest at one point, but now it looks like they are going to sign catcher Mike Piazza instead. The Rangers were in the market a while back, but who knows now. The American League obviously makes more sense for Bonds, because he will be able to help a team a lot more as a designated hitter. Teams might be clamoring for the man a little more if he had shown any signs during his career of being more of a clubhouse leader. A club might sign him so that he could mentor their younger players. But, Barry’s attitude and reputation make that impossible. What on earth could any rookie learn from him? How to distance yourself from your teammates? How to assemble an entourage that will specialize in kissing your rear 24/7? How to be surly and snap at people? These are not the qualities of a person that anyone would ever want to be around, regardless of the profession. I hope Barry Bonds ends up with Kansas City or Tampa Bay. Let him get his tainted record with a last place team, because the man doesn’t deserve anything better. And he did it all to himself.

This Week's Restaurant Review: Consuelo In San Jose

Mexican food can either be magic or tragic. It’s rarely anywhere in between. Some of the best and worst meals I’ve ever had involved cuisine south of the border. I am not a big fan of the gelatinous combinations of cheese, rice, beans and mystery meat that you’ll find at many Mexican eateries in Northern California. I have eaten Mexican food at the most expensive restaurants in the Bay Area and have had horrible experiences, while I’ve also eaten at remote taco stands that can best be described as shacks in faraway places like Ixtapa and Mazatlan, and encountered some of the most delicious food on the planet there. Good Mexican food can cause me to wax poetic, while the bad kind can make me religious -- causing me to fervently worship the porcelain god to the point where I swear off the stuff forever. Fortunately, the Consuelo Mexican Bistro, located in San Jose’s Santana Row, serves the former. This food is muy, muy bueno, to say the least. Consuleo is a beautiful Mexican restaurant with about 120 seats both inside and outside on their well-appointed patio. They serve authentic Mexican cuisine using lesser known ingredients and they do it to perfection. Everything is served tapas style and meant to be shared. The place is lively and busy pretty much all the time, but that never bothers me. My fiancée hates loud places, but I figure it’s a trade-off situation. If a place is noisy, it usually means that A.) the patrons are chronically hard of hearing or B.) the place serves damn good food. Consuelo has a very high, red-tile ceiling with yellow walls and booths made out of wood and leather. When you walk in, it makes you feel like you’re in a really nice five-star restaurant in Mexico City or Acapulco. The whole atmosphere of the place says “class” – from the iron chandeliers to the beautiful plates and glassware – Consuelo is a feast for both the eyes and palate. The best thing about Consuelo is the tortillas. They make them on the premises and you can tell. They are soft and hot and works of art. The place doesn’t skimp on these little wonders, either – keep asking for them and they’ll keep ‘em coming! We started off with the Guacamole ($7), which they make for you tableside performance style. This incredible concoction consists of avocadoes (duh!) Serrano chiles, onions, tomatoes and a bunch of other amazing fresh ingredients you won’t find in any other guacamole. The Quesadillas ($7) are a flavorful combination of Oaxacan cheese, poblano chiles (semi-hot, so beware, you gringos!), accompanied by a trio of mouth watering salsas (mango, tomatillo and roasted chiles) that yell, “Fresh!” The Ceviche de Pescado ($10) is one of the best I’ve ever tasted, consisting of fresh chunks of white fish, marinated in lime juice mixed with diced tomato, jalapeno chile, onion, green olives, cilantro and olive oil. The soups are also fantastico. Try the Pozole Verde ($9), a chicken and hominy soup served Sinaloa style, with jalapeno chile, tomatillo, spices and topped with radish, avocado and onion or the Sopa de Tortilla ($7). I thought the best tortilla soup was served at a place called Pancho Villa’s in Los Cabos, but this is truly el superior. It’s a robust pasilla and spice puree with tortilla strips, avocado and cheese. For entrees or Especialidades, I recommend the Mole Poblano ($11), one of the legendary dishes at Consuelo. It’s a blend of spices, chiles, nuts and chocolate in a rich and flavorful sauce, served over chicken that is tender and moist. The Chamorro de Cordero ($14) is a Colorado lamb shank marinated in a spice Muscat paste, wrapped in banana leaves and steamed to perfection. Something I have every time is the Carnitas ($13), Michoacan style marinated tender chunks of pork, served with a chile guajillo and arbol salsa. If you want side dishes, you’ll have to order them, because nothing at Consuelo comes with the obligatory rice and beans. They have a wide selection of rice dishes, bean selections and more. Consuelo Mexican Bistro is at 277 Santana Row (right across from the movie theaters) Suite 1125 in San Jose. I would recommend always calling ahead for reservations. Their phone number is: (408) 260-7082. There are a lot of Mexican restaurants in the Bay Area, but Consuelo is head, shoulders and several sombreros above the rest. If I could, I’d eat there every week, which would mean my nickname would change back to Gordito in el minuto!

A Killer Act!

(This killer whale was probably thinking, "Hey, I have to perform every day and this crowd never tips. Let's see what kinds of tricks my handler can do." People forget these are wild animals that have been captured and turned into performing slaves, essentially. I see no difference between this creature and an organ grinder's monkeys. You mess with animals from the wild, you take chances. This trainer is lucky to be alive. Next time they're going to have to feed this killer whale a human beibng to satisfy him -- may I suggest Osama Bin Laden, Kevin Federline or Michael Richards? -- just kidding. You notice that in this article they don't mention the killer whale's name. I guess they don't want other killer whales to do the same thing in order to get cheap publicity.)

SAN ANTONIO, Texas - A performing killer whale attacked a trainer for several minutes Monday at SeaWorld Adventure Park as thousands of stunned park visitors watched.

The victim, Steve Aibel, walked away from the incident uninjured, according to WOAI-TV.
Justin Lecourias, a member of the audience who witnessed the event, said there was clearly something wrong in the lead-up to the attack.

He said the whale kept trying to bat the trainer under the water before apparently trying to take a bite out of him.

Trainers were eventually able to calm the whale, and the show was halted. Officials canceled “The Shamu Adventure,” shows for the rest of the day.

The trainer has said he intends to go back in the pool with the whale when the shows resume.
Veterinarians believe the whale is near breeding age and felt threatened by the trainer, perhaps a result of the effects of adolescent hormones.

The NFL: Wannabes, Pretenders & Coulda Beens

The NFL seemingly has a few contenders this year, but upon closer scrutiny, almost every one of them falls squarely into the pretender category. I am having trouble thinking of one playoff-bound team that doesn’t have any glaring deficiencies. Last weekend, the Atlanta Falcons, Carolina Panthers, New York Giants, Chicago Bears and Jacksonville Jaguars all dropped games. These are teams that I thought would be improving and playing better as the season progressed, when, in fact, they are falling faster than Kevin Federline’s street cred. The San Diego Chargers got a gift call late in their game last Sunday against a weak Oakland team to win by a touchdown, while the Steelers and Eagles are officially dead. Of the upper tier teams, all have holes in their presentations that you could drive a fleet of Hummers through. The Colts can’t stop the run; the Bears offense looks like a frat flag football team; the Cowboys are playing well, but they lack depth and their QB has about three weeks of starting experience; the Seahawks’ defense is softer than any one of Coach Holmgren’s six double chins; the Chargers are wafer thin in their defensive secondary, and the Ravens offense is about as impressive as Michael Richards’ standup comedy act. All in all, there isn’t anyone who looks like they are going to be able to dash through the postseason and waltz into the Super Bowl. During years like this, usually a wild card entry comes along and messes things up for the division winners. Fortunes will change drastically within the next few weeks, but if they don’t, it’ll be another Shootout at the NFL Corral when the playoffs get rolling in January. I’m so happy I quit betting on games, because the bookies are going to clean up big-time!