Watch Out for dem Amazin' Mets!

The NY Mets are for real. Last night against the Cubs they scored 11 runs in one inning. Cliff Floyd and Carlos Beltran hit grand slams and David Wright added a 2-run blast all in the same inning! This team is hot! Forget about the Tigers, the Mets are THE team to beat in major league baseball right now. They need a little more pitching (Which I am sure they will trade for in the next couple weeks. I read somewhere that NYM GM Omar Minaya is interested in Oakland's Barry Zito, San Francisco's Jason Schmidt, Florida's Dontrelle Willis, Washington's Livan Hernandez and Chicago's Greg Maddux.), but other than that, they are solid, solid, solid! I really don't see anyone beating them in the NL playoffs right now. The Cardinals are shaky, no one has stepped up in the NL West, and the Braves, for once, are out of contention. So, the Shea Hey Kids are back and ready to roll. All I can say is: Watch out for dem Amazin' Mets!
If you're a true Mets fan, you already know about these popular blogs. If you're just now hopping on the Mets' bandwagon (shame on you for being a frontrunner!) some very cool Mets' blogs are: www.amazinavenue.com and www.metsblog.com. The ghost of Marv Thronberry is rejoicing!

Re-finding friends

I realize 2006 isn't even close to being over. But, I know that when I think about this year in the future, there will be 2 things I will remember -- my enra-, I mean engagement, and the fact that I found a long lost friend this year. He said I could use his real name, so I will. His name is Kelly and he was probably the most important and dear friend I've ever had. We grew up together in the 70's, he lived in La Crescenta and I lived in La Canada, and together we did all the crazed things teenagers do, and a little more. Our specialties included throwing eggs at everything that moved, some minor vandalism, doing prank phone calls (See my story, "The Call" on this blog), singing filthy song parodies and drinking any type of alcohol we could get our hands on. We never got arrested, which is a testament to the times more than anything else. I moved to San Jose in 1977 to go to college and Kelly stayed in La Crescenta to coach baseball and work as a service manager for car dealerships, but we stayed close and saw each other whenever I went down to LA for holidays or Dodger games. The bottom line was that Kelly stopped calling because he quit partying in '94 and felt like our relationship in many ways had always revolved around doing copious amounts of drugs and alcohol (which was true). So, he stopped calling me and drifted away. I guess he didn't feel like I would understand or be able to hang out with the new sober Kelly, and at that period in my life he was probably correct. So, the years rolled by, and every so often I'd try to find Kelly without success. I would call around to other people with the same last name living in the same vicinity, but I could never find him. It was frustrating, because I knew he had my parent's phone number and that he could call them at any time if he wanted to get ahold of me. Finally, earlier this year I had had enough. I began to imagine that Kelly was dead. I hated the idea that I would possibly never see him again. I was now ready to do whatever it took to re-find my friend. So, I hired an investigative service through a web site called www.peoplefinders.com. Another good site I used as part of my search for Kelly is called www.batchmates.com. They referred me to a local detective who helped me track down Kelly. When I realized I had his phone number, I almost lost it because finally I had found my buddy! When we talked on the phone for the first time in 12 years, I was so happy! I got in my car that weekend and drove all the way down to LA just to see him. He's been married three times, and life has been a little rough on him as it has for all of us, but he's still the great guy I knew and I'm sure I will enjoy the process of getting to know him all over again.
After this whole experience, I thought wouldn't it be great to produce a reality show where they help people like me re-find old friends? Then I found out Oprah is already doing it. It figures!

The Joy of Koi

Man, I love Koi. They are the coolest fish. They're essentially really big goldfish. They live in backyard ponds all around the bay area, and it's a huge business. Whenever I think of Koi, I can't help but remember this poor guy I knew whose life was ruined by Koi. For purposes of privacy, let's call him Scooter. Well, I met Scooter when he was working as a bartender at the Cheesecake Factory near my house. He was an amiable sort, if not a bit cocky, but he made great drinks and good conversation, so we quickly became casual friends. Anyway, this guy was a college student who went to the University of Santa Cruz (home of the banana slugs), and at the time MTV was doing a reality show about his fraternity. Well, one night when they were all hammered, they went out to a Koi pond on the Santa Cruz campus, caught a 12-lb, Koi, cooked it and ate it. The MTV crew got it all on tape and when they showed it on TV, people were understandably really upset. Scooter was arrested and sent to jail for Koi homicide. He and one of his frat brothers were looking at some hard time in a fishbowl known as the Santa Cruz County Jail. What must have been going through these poors saps' minds as they sat with the vomiting drunks and stinky homeless types, knowing the entire time that they were there because of a fish? The national media took the story and ran with it, and pretty soon Scooter had a lot of the kind of attention he could have done without. The local rag newspaper in town wrote a long piece about the incident, and actually disclosed the location where Scooter worked in the article, which I thought was extremely uncool. Sure, the kid screwed up, but c'mon -- he deals with the public in his job because he's a bartender, so why don't we tell the whole world where he works so that Koi lovers can go down there and harass him? (Which they did, by the way.) One of the funniest things happened one day when Scooter was working, and one of the television sets at the bar was on CNN. All of a sudden, the tracker thing that scrolls along at the bottom of the screen read, "Frat boy kills Koi in Northern California". Everyone gave Scooter a hard time after that. We'd ask him things like if the fish special was fresh. Angelina even asked him if people were giving him carp about the whole incident! Instead of Scooter, his name was now Koi Boy. Well, the case eventually went to court, which meant a whole new barrage of media attention for poor Scooter. The judge wasn't pleased over the fact that Scoots wasn't showing any remorse. Scooter had already expressed in the media that he thought the whole incident had been blown way out of proportion. He tried to compare it to hitting a squirrel with your car or the old school frat boy swallowing a goldfish routine -- he made it clear that he felt it was much ado about nothing. Consequently, Scooty got the shaft while his frat bro walked away fairly unscathed. The judge didn't see it Scooter's way, so he got a ton of community service and had to pay a hefty fine. The funniest part of the story -- the community work that the judge assigned him involved stoop labor down at the Japanese Tea Gardens in San Jose's Kelly Park -- cleaning carp's crap out of an enormous Koi pond. Hopefully, Koi all over the world are laughing at the Scootsman. It must be like a story Koi tell other Koi and laugh about at Koi bars.
If you're interested in Koi and/or Koi ponds, visit these web sites:
www.koi.com, which has a cool Koi encyclopedia and talking dictionary about Koi; and www.koiusa.com -- a very in-the-know Koi web site by the people who publish Koi USA magazine. If you want to buy some Koi for yourself or talk to someone about Koi ponds, Bob Akins is an expert. He's one of the owners of Superior Koi, located at Concord Feed & Fuel in Concord. Their phone number is: (925) 940-1200. Give them a call. A Koi pond will relax you and make you live longer, and that's a fact!

A Heartwarming Story

Here is a story you like to see. Make-A-Wish is an incredible group, and from what I've heard this kid Mark is a really amazing kid. When people get together and do these kinds of things for other people, it really makes you proud to be a member of the human race.

MAACO Collision Repair & Auto Painting in San Jose, in conjunction with the Greater Bay Area Make-A-Wish Foundation, assembled a group of local businesses to help refurbish a hand-me-down 1997 Ford F250 truck for Mark, (last name withheld for reasons of privacy) a 15-year old high school student from Los Gatos who is battling Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
The truck was presented to Mark and his family on June 22 at the MAACO Collision & Auto Painting facility on 80 Pullman Way in San Jose. MAACO Manager Tony Amarante and representatives from the Greater Bay Area Make-A-Wish Foundation were on hand.
After Mark received his grandfather’s white long-bed work truck as a gift, he decided his wish would be to have the vehicle completely refurbished to reflect his style as a teenage boy.
MAACO donated 75 percent of all the labor and materials involved in the project, and also got local vendors to get involved. After Market Plus replaced the truck’s wheels, rims, and tires; Auto Sound put in a brand new stereo; Custom Auto Upholstery installed new leather seats, and Midas Muffler installed Flowmaster mufflers and pipes.

Photo: 15-year-old Mark of Los Gatos and his 1997 Ford F250 truck completely refurbished by MAACO Collision Repair & Auto Painting of San Jose and presented to Mark by the Greater Bay Area Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Make-A-Wish is an awesome group and a solid charity. I would recommend that if you happen to have a bunch of $$ laying around that you should give them a hefty portion. Visit their web site at www.makeawish.com.

Loosen Up, Sputniks. Go Fly a Kite!

Like I said in my profile description, I am just a large (280-lbs. 6'1") child. What makes me different is that I know it and I'm not afraid to admit it. There are a lot of guys in my same age-range (we're Sputnik babies!), and many of them try to act all serious and business-like all the time. I find them BOR-ING! I believe that there's a time to be serious and a time to let go and have fun, and the sooner these drab downers realize that the happier they will be. How can someone take this life seriously? I mean, if you were from another planet and you read about this country and how most of us live in this world today, you would think it was BAD FICTION! In 100 years (more like 20 for me) we'll ALL BE DEAD (pretty much.) So, why be so glum, so focused, so driven? For what? So you can have a nice house, car, boat, lots of $$ -- all of which you can't take with you after you're gone. My attitude has always been have a little fun. Do what I do -- walk your dog for a couple hours and let him pee on anything he wants to. Go to a museum or a zoo or a movie in the middle of the week for no reason. Skip out from work and go to the beach or the park and have a picnic. Drive up to the mountains (if you have any nearby) and hike some trails. I love things like slip and slides, yo-yo's, silly putty, superballs, nerf footballs, silly string, whoopie cushions, those huge squirt guns and hula hoops. I love to play games like Marco Polo, hide and seek, kick the can, red rover, monkey in the middle, slide football (which I invented, by the way -- more on that in an upcoming post) capture the flag, steal the bacon, tag and hide the kelbasa. Take the time to do something meaningless, frivolous and care-free; without your boss or teacher or supervisor around to spoil your fun. Happy people live longer and are healthier overall. Getting all stressed out about things is so meaningless. It reminds me of when I see hamsters running on those treadmills in their cages. Like little ants in a colony, we get in our cars and go to our jobs everyday, and before we know it, we're old and creeky and ready to die. So, seize the moment, my friends. Go fly a kite today, a really big one -- like the ones in these pictures. I saw these recently at MLK park in Berkeley. Kite clubs from all over the bay area go out there every weekend and fly these babies. Now these are kites.
If you're looking for a cool kite, visit either of these fun kite web sites: www.worldwidekites.com or www.funwithwind.com.

Ugly Mutts Club

The 3 finalists for the ugliest dog contest were announced yesterday. There were 11 nominees (all of them pictured above) but only the three most truly repulsive mutts made the final cut! And heeeeeeeeeeeere they are! The one in the top row, far left, is Ouch. He is a really hideous runt with a degree in interior design from Canine U. His interests are long baths, sunbathing and humping buckets. His turnoffs are dogs that scoot on carpets or bark at the wind. The one in the center of the middle row -- the one that has the bouffant hairdo going on -- is Damn!. Her owner says that people will see the pooch sometimes in public and blow chunks. Damn! has a laid-back attitude and likes chasing shadows, scaring cats and making folks vomit. Her turnoffs are crosssing guards and the big sweaty blind neighbor lady who always wants to pick her up. Our third contestant is pictured in the third row, far right, and his name is What Happened?. What Happened? is a rescue dog that works with the Coast Guard chasing drug traffickers throughout the SF bay. He loves to eat fish heads, sniff coke and scratch his hey-nanny-nanny. His turnoffs include velcroix, miracle whip and Steven Segal movies. Pick your favorite and make your ugly comments below.
The Grand Prize is a complete mutt makeover, courtesy of the fab 5 from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

2006 MLB All-Star Game: The Americans Do It Again -- In Style! (But, will Bud Remember?)

What is it about the American League that causes the National League players to quiver in their cleats? Why does Bud Selig look confused in this photo? And why is he wearing a rain pancho? Did anyone see it rain? I think maybe time has caught up with 'Lil Buddy, and it was probably way past his nap time when this picture was taken. Maybe it's time to ramp up on the meds, I don't know. Every year it's the same old story in MLB baseball's NL vs. AL controversy. Actually, it's no longer a controversy at all -- the American League is dominant for a reason -- they're just plain better. Tough, hard-nosed NL stars turn into sniveling little leaguers every time they go up against the American League. When it comes to recent all-star games, interleague games and world series championships, the AL makes the NL look null and void. This evening's all-star game in Pittsburgh's PNC Park played true to form. With the AL down to its final strike, Michael Young (Rangers) hit a two-run triple off Trevor Hoffman (Padres) for a 3-2 victory that kept the Americans unbeaten for the past decade in all-star play. Behind David Wright's (Mets) homer and some risky,old-school baserunning, the NL took a 2-1 lead into the ninth and brought in Hoffman to close it out. But, the San Diego Padres' reliever, closing in on the MLB career saves record, failed to put this one away. He gave up a two-out single to Paul Konerko, (White Sox) who was replaced by pinch-runner Jose Lopez (Seattle.) Then, Troy Glaus hit a ground-rule double, which looked like a bad break for the never-say-die AL team when it bounced over the fence and they were unable to tie the game. But, Young came through in the clutch and delivered the big hit when it was needed most. When Mariano Rivera shut down the NL all-stars in the bottom of the ninth, it was all over, and the AL was victorious once more. This has to be getting old for the NL, because now the AL will have the home field advantage in this year's World Series once again. So, they've already set thesmelves up, in a way, to lose in October.
For a great blog about this year's All-Star game, visit: www.rubberarm.net. It's a well-written and highly entertaining recount of the entire affair.

Even Adrian Isn't Sticking Around for this Bloodbath!

"Rocky Balboa", the newest Rocky movie, is coming out. Like a drunk at a party who hasn't yet figured out what a fool he's making of himself, Sylvester Stallone must be high to do another bad Rocky sequel. At least in the last fiasco he was a trainer, which was somewhat believable. But, in this one he fights? Are you kidding me? Is it a comedy? Is it a musical? In the film, a brittle, spent and puffy-faced Rocky Balboa comes out of retirement, intending to fight a few low-profile local wannabe fighters. Why? What motivates him to do this? Couldn't he have just taken up Taebo or pilates? Eventually Rocky is approached to fight the reigning heavyweight champion, (Played by Antonio Tarver -- an actual fighter who in real life would make Sly his houseboy in ten seconds. Sly would last in the ring with Tarver in real life about as long as it takes you to say "Oh, sh..!" ) Anyway, Rocky's comeback sets off a media firestorm -- Howard Cosell even comes back from the dead for an exclusive interview. I'm sure the fight finale will be a doozy -- with both pugilists beating the crap out of each other for a good half-hour. I haven't seen the film yet, but I've heard that it ends with the loser being forced to watch "F.I.S.T", "Oscar", "Over the Top" "Judge Dredd" and "Stop! Or My Mother Will Shoot!" back-to-back. I mean, the original Rocky movie was so well-done -- I saw it with my first and only girlfriend in high school as a junior in 1976. Like most 16-year-old hormonal males I was so horny in 1976 that our cat was in trouble and didn't know it! I had never even french kissed a girl. I tried to get her to go with me to the drive-in, but her parents vetoed that idea, so we went to some theater in Pasadena. I tried to kiss her on the lips after the movie and she turned her head so that all I got was cheek. I will remember that film and that evening forever. Rocky was the ultimate underdog and Appollo Creed was the ultimate hot dog, so it made for a great fight at the conclusion of the movie. One of the best things about the story was that it paralleled Stallone's real life in so many ways. He had to do porno to survive in Hollywood, he worked as an usher at a movie theater and he was really poor. After watching the Ali-Bugner fight on TV in 1973, he wrote a script about a fighter who beats all the odds. Several studios were interested in producing the movie, but they wanted actors like Robert Redford and Ryan O'Neil to play Rocky. Stallone refused, because he wanted to play the part himself. It took major juevos for him to hold out until he found a producer to make the flick with him in the lead role. The message is that even the little guy can become a hero. It became a theme we saw in so many films after Rocky came out. I hope the original Rocky is considered a landmark movie, which I think it must be. That's why it's so sad to see a great actor and writer like Stallone making a film like this. Does he need the $$ that bad? Brace for really bad reviews, Sly! Here they come. I don't even have to see it to know it won't be as good as "Dude, Where's My Car?"

Some really excellent web sites about boxing are: www.laterounds.com (a boxing blog); www.thesweetscience.com or www.boxinginsider.com. If you're a Stallone fan and will always love him even when he makes bad movies like this one, visit: www.stallonezone.com. There's even a blog dedicated to the movie, it's: www.rockybalboablog.blogspot.com.

Her hubby stole, so he must go!! Our Loser of the Month is Matt Moline

(I've decided I will pick a "Loser of the Month" every month on my blog. I imagine I will never run out of people to pick, because there are always lots of losers out there. This month's winner (or loser) is Matt Moline. He beat out a strong list of candidates, including Starr Jones, Barry Bonds and Zinedine Zidane, the French soccer player who lost his cool and may have cost his team the 2006 World Cup)

I used to find comedienne Kathy Griffin ("My Life on the D List", "Suddenly Susan") very annoying, but now she's kind of grown on me. I still think she's obnoxious in a major way, but I also think she's funny and I like the fact that she doesn't care what people think of her. Some of her comedy is so irreverant and off-the-wall that it's cutting edge. Anyway, Angelina and I have really enjoyed watching her reality show, "My Life on the D List". One of the people we liked on the show was her husband, Matt Moline, who Kathy married in 2001. He's funny and witty in his own right, and acts as a perfect foil and straight man to Kathy's zaniness. Well, after the first season, word got out that Matt and Kathy were getting divorced. I was shocked. I was thinking, "Where else is this woman going to find someone to schlep her DVD's in the lobby while she's doing a comedy show (which Matt did) and do her hair? (which he also did regularly). For awhile they reconciled, but now I guess the marriage is really kaput. Why? Well, the other night Kathy went on Larry King Live and told everyone the reason for the breakup -- Matt stole over $72,000 out of her personal bank accounts! He probably thought it was the least he should get for peddling her DVD's and doing her hair! $72,000? What did he use the $$ for? It must be gambling, because at one point in the series, Kathy says to Matt -- "Go play your fantasy sports on your computer!" Well, honey -- he wasn't playing fantasy sports, he was betting on actual sports and playing with real money -- YOURS! What a jerk this guy is. He was married to a cash cow and he milked her a little too hard! LO-SER!! I would just like to take this opportunity to tell my lovely fiancee that I will NEVER steal from you. I will also NEVER sell DVD's for you or do your hair either!
If you want to see a really funny web site that deals with losers on the Internet, visit: www.losers.org. It's a very well-done site where you get to peek into the lives of losers throughout the world by reading all of the pathetic stuff they've put on their personal web sites.

The Annual Home Run Derby -- WHO CARES?

They held the annual MLB All-Star HR Derby last night in Pittsburgh, and I found it to be so meaningless and boring that I turned it off halfway through. Which says a lot, because there were no other sports on TV. Ryan Howard from the Phillies won it, beating the NY Mets' David Wright to give the Phillies their second straight HR Derby victory (Bobby Abreu won it last year.) After homering into the Allegheny River (fans in boats were retrieving the balls, just like they do here in SF at AT&T Park's McCovey Cove, but that river looked so polluted I wouldn't go near it!) Howard's fifth and deciding homer banged off a sign saying "Hit it Here" above the rightfield stands, meaning some lucky fan got 500 free round-trip air tickets. So, basically, major league baseball has turned the event into a game show. Where's Bob Barker? Where's Vanna White? What's behind door #2? Can I buy a vowel? Lobbing baseballs to these guys and watching them smack batting practice home runs is boring. If they want to make it realistic, put a AAA minor league pitcher in there and at least make these guys hit live pitching. Because the way they do it now is tedious. I would rather watch curling or tennis than watch this garbage. Change the format, change the event or do SOMETHING different, because right now even an avid baseball fan like myself can't sit through it without switching to the Cartoon Network.
For complete coverage for those who missed the HR Derby and still care about it, www.mlb.com has some good coverage, which they always do when it comes to baseball.