Even If You Can't Bend It Like You-Know-Who...

One time, Minnesota Fats lost a pool match to some shmuck, and when they gave the guy a trophy, Fats scowled and said, "If I want a trophy, I'll buy one." And I understand what he was saying--if you want to distinguish yourself in something and give yourself the recognition you deserve--give yourself a trophy; why not? I've always wondered how many soccer trophies Beckham must have. I'm sure it's a lot! Some prefer money over trophies, but there are surely some trophies out there (The Lombardi Trophy, the Stanley Cup and the NBA Championship Basketball trophy, for example.) that are stunning and will always garner major kudos!

You want speed? Think The Flash!

It's amazing how much the comic book The Flash has seeped into our venacular. Now, everything fast is called Flash, like flash animation, compact flash card, flash on the Web, etc. "Do you know someone who can do flash?" people are asking me all the time. Everyone wants flash nowadays, anyway--we want it to be faster and we thrive on speed. People today don't want to wait--for anything. If you don't believe it, go to a busy store where customers are waiting in long lines. You'll see. Speed is the word today and everyone covets the Flash!

We Need Trees Now More than Ever

We need trees, because they produce oxygen and help the environment in so many ways. That's why I have started planting trees. Every year, I go into the hills of Marin and plant saplings. It's my way of keeping the Circle of Life intact. Plus, it's good karma. I suggest you give it a try--get out there and get it done, because when you think about the world and what we're doing to it--you HAVE to get it done. Locate a good tree nursery, talk to their experts and plant a few trees per year. You'll be doing a great thing, because we need trees now more than ever!

If Fatty Had Only Lived Now..

Poor Fatty Arbuckle really had a tough life. If you don't know who he was, well--I don't have the time to take you through it right now. Google him. Anyway, the man was wrongly accused of a crime he didn't commit, in my opinion, which essentially ruined his career. In many ways, his life parallels a lot of other overweight comic actors, like Jackie Gleason, John Belushi, John Candy and Chris Farley. Fatty fought his demons, and one of the biggest of them was overeating. Let's put it this way--Fatty's eating habits made Babe Ruth look finicky. Maybe if he had lived now, when we have excellent diets and diet pills that work, he might have been able to lose that weight and get out of being typecast the rest of his life in funny guy fat boy roles.

Barack Has Had His Bombers

President Barack Obama will tell you that he hasn't had the best luck with cars in the past. In fact, he claims, he’s had some real clunkers along the way to the White House.
"The car I learned to drive on was my grandfather's Ford Granada," the president told an Indianapolis radio station during the campaign. "It may be the worst car that Detroit ever built. ... This thing was a tin can. They wanted to keep the cars big, so they made them out of tin foil. ... You basically couldn't go over 80 (miles per hour) without the thing getting out of control."
Now, we find out, courtesy of Bloomberg News that Obama drove a Fiat during college. During a meeting on Chrysler's planned tie-up with Fiat SpA, the president "recalled the mechanical problems that plagued his old car."
Better luck may await the President, however. Obama bought a Ford Escape hybrid during the campaign and regularly touts the vehicle including most recently at a White House event where he was surrounded by other auto CEOs and Ford Motor Co. CEO Alan Mulally.

Is Jacko Taking Care of Business?

Believe it or not, Michael Jackson and are are almost exactly the same age. He was born one day before me, so we're both 50. The other day when I found out that I have to do a colon cleansing, for some strange reason, I flashed on Michael. As well all know, the poor guy has had his share of problems (why didn't at least just one of his advisors tell him NO! when it came time for his first plastic surgery many years ago?). But, I thought to myself--how is his colon? No, seriously--do you think Michael has taken the proper precautions to make sure his colon is clean? If I could get to him, I'd tell him to do it. Get it done because you have to get it done, Mike!

TV Stand Smackdown with the Real Big 3!

I'll never forget it. I was five, my brother three. It was 1963. We were watching the Three Stooges. They were doing their patented knuck knucks, eye gouges and face slapping routine when my little bro decides to try out a few of his Stooge-like moves on me. Before I can react, he has me by the neck and is slamming my above average sized head into the TV stand. Mind you, he's only three!

He smacks me into the TV stand to the point where I'm dizzy, so I throw out my legs and send him flying across the room. He slams into the wall and rolls to the ground. The little guy's down for a few seconds, then gets back up, shakes his head like a dog who has just been hit by a car, picks up his security blanket, and joins me back in front of the TV like nothing has happened. Whew! I said. I thought I had killed him. What's my point? Part of the whole Stooges mentality revolved around the fact that they could both give and take a bunch. I love them for that!

Logo water bottles

Never underestimate the power of a good ad specialty. I have been working in the advertising industry in one form or another for a long time now, and I've found that people never tire of things like logo pens, logo water bottles, coffee mugs, baseball caps, etc. Folks flock to this stuff now more than ever, in fact. Why? Because we love little items we can tout around. But, mostly because it's free. If you own a business, putting your logo on stuff and giving it away is a great way to promote yourself. Think about it--how many logo pens do you have right now? How many logo magnets are on your refrigerator door at this very moment? We live for this stuff!

Man, I hate getting old...

This morning I stumbled into the bathroom and for an instant, caught my reflection in the chrome bathroom faucet. I looked like Barney Fife, but older and much more wasted looking. As we age, our facial muscles start to gimp out, our cheeks begin to sag and the rest of the head limps right along behind them. Pushing aside my dismay at being 50, I marveled at the beautiful bathroom faucet for a moment (available through http://www.faucet.com/, by the way) and I thought wow-isn't life strange. I never thought something like a bathroom faucet would even interest me. But, today they do.

Poster Child for Background Checks

Okay, here's the scenario. You're looking for a new CEO for your mega-million corporation. You're only interviewing top people; the cream of the crop; the top of the heap; the kings of the hill. Well, after an arduous 3-month search, you've found the best candidate for the job. He's got a resume that would rival Bill Gates, Steve Forbes and Larry Ellison COMBINED. He is articulate, super-skilled, highly intuitive and loaded with leadership qualities. If you had run a background check on him, however, you'd find out that his resume is fiction and his qualifications are bogus. In fact, his name isn't even his. The guy in this photo is Henry Hill, former Mafiosi and the main character of the film Good Fellas. Get the point? If you're renting a house or apartment to someone; hiring somebody or maybe just thinking about dating them, do a background check first!