Vacuum Cleaners Make a Practical Gift

Some people give you frivolous things for Christmas -- like stocking stuffers, funny gag gifts and things you will never really need. Then, there are those other folks (who you are probably related to) who give you presents that you can use. This is where vacuum cleaners come into the picture. Vacuum cleaners are something you will always find a good use for. We have three, actually. A really high-quality vacuum cleaner is great to have. So, think about it as a gift if you know somebody who needs one.

10 Rules for Fledgling Santas

Every holiday season, I volunteer to be Santa Claus at local charity fundraisers, friends’ parties and a host of other events. I love being Santa, for a variety of reasons. I love the look of amazement in a young child’s eyes (usually between 2-8) when you know he or she still believes. I even like the skeptical “whatever” stare I get from teenagers when I can plainly see that the magic of the big guy is no longer in their lives. And I even enjoy the lustful look that 40-something thrice-divorced women who are into fat guys give me as they insist on sitting on my lap.

Over the years, I have developed a 10-point plan for being a believable Santa Claus. If you ever have to don the costume and play the role, you should really read these.

1. Play the part 100%
As my acting coach used to say -- “Go all out or don’t go.” If you believe you’re really Santa then everyone else will buy into it. Wearing the costume is a privilege, so don’t do anything that might spoil the big man’s image – like smoke, swear, spit, hit on women or break loud wind.

2. Learn your ho’s
A weak “ho, ho, ho!” greeting is the quickest way to be labeled a weak, panty-waist Santa Claus and nobody wants a wimpy St. Nick in their presence. Practice your delivery before the gig, and make sure you use a loud, deep, bass-heavy voice with just the correct amount of pacing. Think jolly, yet confident. Assured and comforting, with a twinkle on the side. Project your voice and shake the rafters!

3. Control your beard
The most important part of the outfit is the hair and beard. Too many times a cheap or poorly attached beard will ruin the illusion. First off, purchase or rent a high-quality beard. Use safety pins or small two-sided adhesive strips to make sure the beard doesn’t shift. One time a 10-year-old girl said to me, “Santa, your beard is falling off. I know there is no such thing as Santa, but I don’t want to ruin it for the little kids who still believe in you.” She then re-adjusted my beard.

4. Don’t skimp on the costume
Get the high-end suit, not the Walgreen’s one. It may cost a little more money, but it’s worth it. Kids aren’t stupid and they’ll know you’re not Kris Kringle right away if you skimp on the costume.

5. Don’t get hammered
This can be embarrassing. On one particular holiday evening I over-imbibed on some cheap red wine. One little kid who was sitting on my lap looked as his mother and said, “Hey mom – Santa smells just like daddy – like Gallo.” I corrected the child and told him that it was actually Kenwood. That was bad. Lay off the sauce when you’re Santa. There will be plenty of time to hit the egg nog later at the after-party.

6. No lap dances
Keep adults off your lap. It’s unnatural and unhealthy and can lead to sexual harassment charges if and when a party gets out of hand.

7. Do your research
Children will invariably ask a lot of specific questions. “What’s your definition of ‘bad’?”; “Why do you go down chimneys instead of through the front door?” and “Why are there Santa Clauses on every street corner downtown?” They’re interrogating you to see if you’re the genuine article. My advice is, if you’re going to be Santa Claus, do a little research beforehand. Check out Wikipedia. Work on your background story. Learn a few interesting facts that you can impress tots and tykes with. (For instance, did you know that Santa started appearing in red and white in the mid-to-late 19th century when he appeared in Coca Cola advertisements? Until then, Santa wore all-white, green or other assorted colors.)

8. Bring a towel
I have had many a two-year-old (those who aren’t scared to death of Santa) deposit all kinds of things in my lap. Need I elaborate? There’s nothing worse than a stinky Santa!

9. Have a Mrs. Claus to help you
Make your job a lot easier and bring an assistant. I used to hire a little person to help me, but he kept grabbing soccer moms and I had to let him go. Now my fiancée plays Mrs. Claus and it works out well. She can get the kids’ names and find out what they want before they hit your lap or warn you about a brat before you get kicked in the shin or smacked in the juevos.

10. Go tough love when necessary
A lot of teenagers will try to insult you to make themselves look cool in front of their friends. Maybe some of you did stuff like this when you were that age. I remember kicking Mickey Mouse in the butt at Disneyland one time when I was 11. That’s why they call it adolescent behavior. In these instances, I will lean over and whisper a word of useful advice into the offending party’s ear, something like, “Don’t make Santa go medieval on your ass.” or “I snapped an elf’s neck last week and he was just about your size.” You know, something to get their attention.

Bad Credit? Fear Not!

Bad credit can really limit what you can do in this world. Believe me, I know. I was very irresponsible with my credit when I was in college and it took me almost 15 years to get back to where I am today (740 credit rating). Things can happen that are beyond our control. Financial fortunes can be altered when layoffs occur, people get divorced or have to move. That's why BadCreditOffers.com is so great. It's a Web site that allows you to compare dozens of "bad credit" offers from major providers -- rather than just having one choice, you can pick the one that is best for you. This is a great chance for you shop for bad credit loans to rebuild your credit and get back to where you once belonged!

Digital Camera Batteries

It might be a romantic or "warm and fuzzy" Christmas gift, but it sure is practical. What I am talking about is a digital camera battery. If you own a digital camera (we have 3) than you know that a battery is essential to be able to take pictures when you need or want to, especially when you're out on location somewhere and need one in a pinch. You can spend too much on a digital camera battery, so make sure you shop carefully. Sometimes it's better to give someone an Xmas gift that someone NEEDS rather than WANTS (socks also fall into thay category.)

Yuletide Yuckfest 2007 A Success!

It was the largest crowd ever at a Fest. The comics were outstanding. We raised a ton of toys and money. And Chubby's All-Stars never sounded better. Yes, the Yuletide Yuckfest, in its 10th year, was a huge success! Thanks to everyone for making it a really special event!

The Tainted 11: The Mitchell Report Looms

The Mitchell Report, the findings of former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell's 20-month investigation into performance-enhancing drug use that has tarnished some of the game's greatest stars and records is going to be released to the public next week.
What will it tell us? Whose baseball careers, if any, will be ruined? How will it change the American pastime? And maybe most importantly, what will MLB do in response to the report?
Early leaks tell us that the report will reveal the names of 11 current free agents who took steroids.
Critics of the report are already lining up, denouncing the report as being one-sided and outdated, but one thing is for sure – major league players from across the continent are more than just a little concerned about what the document contains.
"Well, it ain't Merry Christmas or Happy New Year for somebody," Cincinnati Reds manager Dusty Baker said.
One question that a lot of people are asking is -- who is George Mitchell? The 74-year-old former chairman of The Walt Disney Company was once offered a spot on the Supreme Court by President Clinton and famously challenged Lt. Col. Oliver North during the Iran-Contra hearings. He is a political veteran with an impressive pedigree.
But, what’s his agenda? Every politician has one. Will the report be objective? Is this thing going to be honest and candid, or are we looking at another Warren Report?
One thing that may taint Mitchell’s background is the fact that he is also a director with the World Series champion Red Sox, a role players say makes him hopelessly conflicted and a pawn of Commissioner Bud Selig, who appointed him. Players also claim Mitchell refused to show those accused the evidence he had against them, denying them a chance to refute the allegations.
For now, Selig claims not to know what's inside the report. Suffice to say, midway between Boston wrapping up the Fall Classic and the start of spring training, there are plenty of jittery people around the majors.
"Obviously, it can't be really good," New York Mets manager Willie Randolph said. "If there's some really, really big names I'm sure it's going to be a real impact in some ways."
Outfielders Jose Guillen and Jay Gibbons, linked in media reports to receiving human growth hormone, were suspended Thursday for the first 15 days of next season. The penalties are an indication how baseball might treat any players named by Mitchell.
Although some say Bonds' home run record -- and milestone ball -- should be marked with an asterisk, Mitchell noted the Hall of Fame vote in which Mark McGwire was picked on just 23.5 percent of ballots, nowhere near the 75 percent needed for induction.
That election in January was considered the first test on how history will view a period when bulked-up stars amassed bulked-up stats.
"If nothing else, the results of the Hall of Fame voting last week, and the reaction to it, offer fresh evidence that this issue will not just fade away," Mitchell said then. "Whether you think it fair or not, whether you think it justified or not, Major League Baseball has a cloud over its head, and that cloud will not just go away."
To some, the drumbeat of suspicion is falling on deaf ears. A lot of people no longer care about this subject.
"Now when it comes out, more people seem to be numb to it," said former Milwaukee manager Ned Yost: "I don't care one way or the other, to be honest with you."
Hired by Selig in March 2006, Mitchell and his staff spent millions of dollars interviewing people and collecting evidence. Their task: Provide a history of what happened off the diamond during a time when home run marks that had lasted for decades fell as suddenly strong sluggers changed the balance between pitchers and hitters.
Previously undisclosed names could be tied to steroids and HGH, thanks to the cooperation of former New York Mets clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski. A national investigation led by the Albany, N.Y., district attorney's office also is believed to have provided evidence to Mitchell.
Active players largely have resisted cooperating -- the Yankees' Jason Giambi is the only one known to have spoken to the inquiry. Although this wasn't exactly Sing Along with Mitch, retired players have spoken with Mitchell, who did not have subpoena power.
Selig's decision to launch an official investigation followed the release of "Game of Shadows," in which San Francisco Chronicle reporters Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams said Bonds used performance-enhancing drugs for at least five seasons beginning in 1998.
Bonds, who broke Hank Aaron's career home run record in August, pleaded not guilty Friday to charges he lied to federal investigators about using performance-enhancing drugs.
The home run king was arraigned in U.S. District Court on four counts of perjury and one of obstruction of justice stemming from a Nov. 15 indictment. If convicted, he could spend more than two years in prison.
Bonds, currently a free agent who hopes to play in 2008, has denied knowingly using illegal performance enhancers. He nonetheless became the face of steroid allegations while dozens of other major and minor leaguers tested positive.
"I think we're all eager to get this era behind us and to get steroids out of this game, growth hormone out of the game, get things that change the competitive balance other than hard work and a desire to be the best ballplayer you can be," Los Angeles Angels manager Mike Scioscia said.
To former World Anti-Doping Agency leader Dick Pound, baseball is an outlaw sport, refusing to agree to WADA's standards for testing and discipline.
But athletes in U.S. team sports, protected by collective bargaining agreements and American labor laws, have no interest in international standards.
"I think if you look at attendance, if you look at the health of the game right now, that would suggest that fans have digested what information exists and perhaps assumed that the problem has been addressed, at least for the moment," San Diego Padres chief executive officer Sandy Alderson said.

Looking for a Hotel Deal in Vegas?

If you're looking for a great deal on a Vegas hotel, there's a web site called http://www.i4vegas.com/ that kicks the heck out of high Las Vegas lodging prices. If you're headed to Sin City -- to gamble, see some shows, got clubbing, shopping or to some amazing restaurants, you need to visit http://www.i4vegas.com/ and check out some of the super lo lo prices on hotels. Why spend an arm and a leg on a Vegas hotel when you can use that money to play blackjack or good 'ol Texas Hold 'Em? Now, that's exactly what I am talkin' 'bout!

The BCS is B.S.!

This whole BCS thing is a big load B.S as far as I’m concerned. Why NCAA Div. I football won’t embrace the idea of a playoff system is beyond me and this season should be a prime example of why such a format is needed. The powers that be in college football should be ashamed of themselves – how long are you going to drag this sport down and hold fans throughout the country hostage? People want a clear-cut winner and it’s not rocket science to figure out how it should be done.
All of the lower-level divisions in college football have a playoff system. It works well and takes all of the guesswork out of the equation. You have one champion who got there by winning the tournament. You don’t need a computer to tell you who the best team is.
Besides, have you tried to figure out the method that this computer uses to determine who the two top teams are? Albert Einstein would have problems understanding it on his best day. It’s a mish mash of things like strength of schedule, opponents’ records – and a whole lot of other stuff that nerds at MIT would probably have difficulty grasping.
When the season started out, everybody was talking about USC. But, they lost to Stanford. Then it was LSU. Then THE Ohio State University. West Virginia got some recognition for a while there, as did Oregon and Arizona State. But, they all lost. After that, everybody got excited about Cinderella teams like Kansas and Missouri. All of them fell like dominos during the course of the season. But, in the end it will be Ohio State and LSU in the Finale – two teams that were in, out and now back in again.
And what about Hawaii? Why doesn't a legitimate star quarterback like Colt Brennan (see photo) deserve a chance to play on the big stage? Just like Boise State last year, Hawaii ran the table without losing a game, but don’t get to go to the Big Show because they play in what’s considered a weaker league and don’t merit a shot at the championship. That too, is B.S., in my opinion.
So, now that we have these big-wigs’ attention, how about a playoff system? I’ve heard all the objections to such a system and have a response for each.
Objection #1: The bowl games are traditional and sacred and cannot be jeopardized.
Response: A playoff system won’t hurt the bowl games. Use the bigger bowl games as playoff games and then create one Championship Game to be played in a different city each year, so that fans from all over the country can get a chance to see it.
Objection #2: The season will be too long if we have a playoff tournament at the end.
Response: You call yourself colleges? How hard is this to figure out? You shorten the season to nine games, eliminating the normally lopsided non-conference games that are stuck in there to fill out a schedule and are customarily blowouts (exception: Michigan vs. Appalachia State). A 16-team playoff would only add four more games to the schedule, with only two teams playing in the fourth and final one.
Objection #3: How would the playoff money be distributed?
Response: Well, now we’ve come to the real question. All along, it’s been all about the money. Every conference wants what they feel they deserve, and in the end – let’s admit it – they’re all greedy. So, what you do is take every conference in football – regardless of how many teams from each of them is in the playoffs – and you distribute it evenly. Sure the Pac 10 and the Big Ten will object. Who cares?
So, that’s my take on the concept. Select 16 teams and let them knock the crap out of each other. The last one standing wins. Let it be decided on the field and not by some passionless computer. This way, everybody wins.

Designer Inspired Jewelry

If you're looking for designer inspired jewelry -- I mean the real stuff, not the wannabe kind. Then, you should really visit www.quantabellajewelry.com. They have the finest rings, bracelets, broaches, necklaces -- if you want it, they have it at great prices. For a wide selection of jewelry that will really please your significant other, www.quantabellajewelry is the site to link up to. Christmas is now officially just 24 days away. It will be here before you know it. So, get online now and check these people out. You'll be happy that I told you about them and will come out smelling like a rose!

Flipping Homes

Everybody is doing it. It's the hottest new thing of the last five years. And no -- I am not talking about pilates or yoga or hybrid vehicles -- I am talking about real estate flipping. That's right! They have numerous books on it, seminars; they even have some reality shows about the subject. I have several friends in Nor Cal who are doing it right now and getting some really awesome results. Flipping homes can be profitable and very rewarding -- some people are doing it full-time and making buko bucks. But, if you don't know what you're doing, you might just end up flipping yourself into oblivion. But, if you have the money, the time and the smarts -- flipping real estate can be a great way to make a bunch 'o money!