Chevy Who?

(Chevy Chase has to be the most talentless comic alive today, unless you actually count people like Pauly Shore, Andrew Dice Clay and Carrot Top as comedians. This schmuck is so unfunny that I almost get ill even talking about him. He got a lucky break when he was on Saturday Night Live, where people like John Belushi, Dan Akroyd and Gilda Radner were 1,000 times funnier than he was on their worst days. Think about this -- can you name ONE funny movie Chevy Chase has ever been in? I can name at least a dozen duds right off the top of my head (Can anyone say, "Fletch?") And don't say "Caddyshack," because that film was funny because of guys like Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield, so that one doesn't count. Gerald Ford was an All-American college football player at Michigan, and he tripped and almost fell a couple of times when he was President, primarily because he had a bum knee. To take that and turn it into a series of sketches was unfunny and unfair, but Ford took it in stride. For Chevy Chase's name to be spoken in the same breath as a great man like Gerald Ford is a disgrace and a travesty.)

SAN FRANCISCO (Dec. 27) - Comedian Chevy Chase, who became famous in the 1970s portraying Gerald Ford as an amiable klutz, praised the former president Wednesday and said they later became friendly in spite of the biting comedy routines. Chase, 63, was an original cast member on the trend-setting late-night comedy television show "Saturday Night Live" and frequently opened the show pretending to be Ford stumbling and falling. The parody in 1975-76 helped reinforce a popular image about Ford's clumsiness, even though the president had been a star athlete in college. "He had never been elected period, so I never felt that he deserved to be there to begin with," the actor said about Ford, who died on Tuesday at age 93. "That was just the way I felt then as a young man and as a writer and a liberal." "Later on we became friends and he was a very, very sweet man," Chase said in a telephone interview from a Colorado ski resort. "He took my wife and I on a whole lovely trip through Grand Rapids to show us where he had been as a child and what not. We kept in touch and he was just a terrific guy." Chase, who has since starred in many film comedies, said Ford helped boost his career, but said another politician could have just as easily become the comedic punching bag in such politically turbulent times. Chase was initially hired as a writer, not an actor, but the humor he wrote mocking Ford helped change that. "I wrote all those Gerald Ford jokes and (producer) Lorne (Michaels) put me on the air," he said. "Doing the stunt falls and stuff ... started me." "As far as making my career, it could have been anybody who had been a Republican after Nixon and pardoned him."

Dear Santa: My Sports Christmas Wish List

My Sports Christmas Wish List is short and sweet, for one basic reason. I haven’t really been all that good this past year, so if Santa decides to put coal in my stocking he’ll be totally justified. In the hopes that Old St. Nick will forget my transgressions in 2006, here is what I wish for in the world of sports in 2007.

I wish that….

The City of Los Angeles finally gets an NFL expansion team. It’s a shame and a travesty that one of the country’s biggest markets doesn’t have a football team they can call their own.

Ken Griffey plays a full season without getting injured…again. This poor guy has been on the disabled list eight times since coming to Cincy. How do you break your hand playing with your kids, anyway?

Allan Iverson gets along with everybody in Denver and decides to show up at an occasional practice.

Barry Bonds breaks the all-time HR record outside of SF and gets soundly booed by opposing fans.

Mark McGwire gets into the Hall of Fame “Steroids Wing.”

T.O. grows up and stops acting like a kid who just lost his allowance for talking back to his parents.

The Boston Red Sox and LA Dodgers play in the World Series, payback for all of the aggressive free agent moves they made this past winter.

Annie Duke wins the World Series of Poker because I think she’s hot….and smart – a deadly combination.

Kobe scores 101 one night.

Somebody (Howard or Pujols?) hits five home runs in an MLB game.

An MLB pitcher wins 30 games for the first time since Denny McClain did it in 1968.

The New Orleans Saints show the world that their city is back after Katrina, with a Super Bowl win.

Florida upsets Ohio State in the BCS Championship Game, thereby creating more controversy and provoking serious talks about a playoff series.

The San Jose Sharks get into the Stanley Cup Playoffs (which will be tough with the Ducks playing like they are.)

Merry Christmas Everyone: An Inspirational Message from LIFE ON THE EDGE

Make it a special Christmas this year. Tell someone you love them. Open lots of gifts. Take a minute to look at your beautiful Christmas tree. Put anger, anxiety and doubt aside for the entire day. Eat like a pig. Laugh your ass off. Smoke a cigar and break wind. The average person in this country only gets about 68-72 Christmas Days per lifetime, unless you happen to get hit by a moped or choke on a turkey bone, in which case the figure is considerably lower. So have a great Christmas (while you can.)

On Christmas Vacation

I'm on vacation until January 3rd, 2007. If I get a chance, I might post something here, but my intention is to take a break and just relax. Have a wonderful Holiday Season and thanks for supporting LIFE ON THE EDGE in 2006!

More Yuletide Yuckfest Photos

The Yuckfest Band, Chubby's All-Stars, rocked the house this year with Viv Savage, the keyboard player from the legendary band SPINAL TAP. Thanks again to all the members of Chubby's for the best performance yet! I can't wait for the 10th Annual Yuletide Yuckfest next year. It will be a blast, baby! And remember, as Viv always says, "Have a Good Time All the Time!"

The T.O. Show is Getting Old

I have to say that I am so very, very tired of Terrell Owens, his attitude, his issues and the circus he creates wherever he goes. If the man wasn’t an amazing athlete, he’d be just another self-centered, immature punk. T.O. should wake up every morning and thank God that he possesses the ability that he does. Last night during the Cowboys’ 38-28 victory over the Atlanta Falcons, Owens became frustrated when defensive back DeAngelo Hall talked some trash, so he spit in his face. (or is it spat?) This would be shocking if some other player did it, but with T.O., it’s just another incident in a long list of stupid things the man has done. Every time he comes to play for a new NFL team, it’s the same scenario with T.O. – he starts out okay, but within a very short period of time, he’s whining, arguing with teammates and coaches, sulking and then acting a fool. When he was with the San Francisco 49ers, I know for a fact that there were a bunch of guys on that team who wanted nothing more than to kick T.O.’s ass. After his escapades in Philly, The Eagles held a parade leading him right out of town. When it’s all said and done, the NFL will have to allow expansion franchises to enter the league, because at this rate, T.O. will have played for every team currently in existence within the next several years. Pretty soon no one will want to have anything to do with this self-absorbed prima donna, regardless of how good he is at catching passes. One of the main problems is that the guy has the ability to completely destroy team chemistry. He’s just not a team player, bottom line. There were instances in SF when the team would win, but Owens would be in a funk because he didn’t get enough catches. It’s always all about T.O. The man has an ego the size of Texas, and for a while it looked as though Coach Bill Parcells might be able to rein him in. But, that’s basically impossible. Eventually, T.O. will screw the pooch no matter where he’s playing, because football is a team sport and the man is only looking out for himself. His outstanding ability as a wide receiver attracts teams looking for some instant offense. But, once they get to know him as a person, they realize that his instant offense comes with a price that’s instantly offensive – both on and off the playing field. It’s called an ego. T.O. needs a timeout. He needs to learn how to play with others. And he must realize that the football world does not revolve around him. His boorish behavior is getting old and soon he’ll be history in Dallas. Stay tuned for more excitement from T.O. This last incident is just a spit in the well. The Terrell Owens Show is a strange combination of Punk’d, Jackass and Teletubbies. It was entertaining for a while, but the ratings are dropping fast!

Goodbye & Good Riddance to Judith Regan -- She's Our Douche Bag of the Month!

(I was so happy to read this yesterday. Judith Regan has specialized in publishing sleaze for a long, long time, and her complete lack of class finally caught up with her. Regan has been responsible for the trashiest, most low-class pieces of so-called "literature" ever printed. The woman earned zillions of dollars publishing garbage. The O.J. Simpson debacle was the final straw and now she's history. The sad thing is -- she'll probably show up somewhere else pretty quickly, with another publisher that covets her crap, maybe someone like Larry Flynt. There's no doubt about it, Judith Regan is our Douche Bag of the Month!)

NEW YORK (Dec. 15) - O.J. Simpson's would-be publisher, Judith Regan, was fired Friday, her sensational, scandalous tenure at Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. ending with the tersest of announcements. "Judith Regan's employment with HarperCollins has been terminated effective immediately," HarperCollins CEO Jane Friedman said in a statement. "The REGAN publishing program and staff will continue as part of the HarperCollins General Books Group."
Regan's firing comes less than a month after Murdoch's cancellation of Simpson's hypothetical murder confession, "If I Did It," a planned book and Fox television interview that was greeted with instant and near-universal disgust when announced.
An industry force since the 1980s, when she produced best-sellers by Drew Barrymore and Kathie Lee Gifford for Simon & Schuster, Regan has been labeled a "foul-mouthed tyrant" and the "enfant terrible of American publishing." She is also widely envied - if not admired - for her gift of attracting attention to her books and to herself.
Since 1994, she has headed the ReganBooks imprint at News Corp.'s HarperCollins, an ideal fit for Murdoch's tabloid tastes. Regan has published a long list of racy best-sellers, including Jose Canseco's "Juiced" and Jenna Jameson's "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star," and is the rare publisher of interest to gossip columnists, notably for a rumored affair with former New York City Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik.
She often clashed with her more temperate peers and is widely believed to have had tense relations with Friedman. Last year, Regan moved her offices to Los Angeles, further distancing herself from corporate officials in New York.
Regan has often complained that her more literary side has been overlooked, pointing out that she has published books by Wally Lamb, Douglas Coupland and novelist Jess Walter, whose "The Zero" was a finalist for the National Book Award in November. The Simpson project, announced the day before the awards ceremony, quickly overshadowed the nomination.

This Week's Restaurant Review: Juban in SF

Every so often, I enjoy eating at a restaurant that involves a little more than just sitting there and being served. I call these places participation restaurants. Fondue restaurants and places where you get to grill your own food are two types that come to mind. The standard modus operandi for eating out can get old. You sit down, order some things off of a menu, and then your server brings the food to you. Granted, it’s a tried and true method with a centuries-old track record of success, but it can get stale just the same. The other night we went to a place called Juban, located in San Francisco’s Japantown. Juban is a Japanese barbecue restaurant where you get to grill your own food at the table. This experience can best be described as “the thrill of the grill and the agony of burnt meat.” To some people, this is a cool experience, while other folks go out to eat so that they don’t have to cook, in which case they won’t like Juban. I personally enjoy cooking, so for me it’s like making dinner at someone else’s house. Besides, they do all the prep work and all you have to do is the grilling part. Juban is what they call a Yakiniku House in Japan. The way it works is that you order a bunch of raw items and then grill them. You end up eating things in small batches after they’re done being grilled. The extensive menu features everything from Beef (Waygu: rich in marbling and very tender); Filet Mignon (marinated in miso sauce); Pork Kalbi (pork garnished with lemon); Kobe Beef (these cows are treated better than most people while they’re being raised, living in small cattle condos and eating only the best produce); Beef Ribeye; Yokussen Kalbi (short ribs); Tan Shio (beef tongue, most definitely an acquired taste); Yaki-Shabu (thinly sliced beef); Liver; Ika (marinated calamari): Garlic Steak (cubed steak marinated in a Shio-Negi garlic sauce); Chicken; Ebi (prawns); Hotate (scallops); Lobster Tail; Veggies (including Shiitake mushrooms, zucchini, onions, carrots and bell peppers), and Ninniku (garlic roasted in butter.) At Juban, they advise you to flip the items that you’re grilling just once, don’t ask me why. Since we were rookies, we burnt a few things until we got the hang of it. Because everything is sliced paper thin, it cooks really fast. Also, if you crowd too many items onto the grill, you can get flare ups. Burning down the restaurant is considered very bad taste in Japan. If you order one of Juban’s dinner combinations, you get soup, salad and steamed rice along with your meal. The salad was mediocre and the egg drop soup forgettable. The meat, poultry and seafood are excellent, however. You can tell the beef especially is of high quality. The only criticism I have about the place is that it’s pretty pricey. Dinner for three with tip was roughly $140.00, and we didn’t even order any wine. I could almost hear my credit card screaming out in pain. But, in a tourist trap like Japantown, what do you expect? I imagine that if we ordered the same meal in the country of Japan itself, it probably would have cost more! Juban is at 1581 Webster Street in San Francisco. Their phone number is: (415) 776-5822. I am told they also have locations in Burlingame and Menlo Park.

Wow Bao! The Tallest Man in the World is So Cool! He Saved Two Dolphins!

(This is such a great story. This guy stepped up and saved these animals' lives. Bao Xishun isn't just tall, but the man has a huge heart as well.)

BEIJING (Dec. 14) - The long arms of the world's tallest man reached in and saved two dolphins by pulling out plastic from their stomachs, state media and an aquarium official said Thursday.

The dolphins got sick after nibbling on plastic from the edge of their pool at an aquarium in Liaoning province. Attempts to use surgical instruments to remove the plastic failed because the dolphins' stomachs contracted in response to the instruments, the China Daily newspaper reported. Veterinarians then decided to ask for help from Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-9 herdsman from Inner Mongolia with 41.7-inch arms, state media said. Bao, 54, was confirmed last year by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's tallest living man. Chen Lujun, the manager of the Royal Jidi Ocean World aquarium, told The Associated Press that the shape of the dolphins' stomachs made it difficult to push an instrument very far in without hurting the animals. People with shorter arms could not reach the plastic, he said.

Bush, Young & Leinart: Proving Themselves in the NFL

Although it’s taken pretty much the entire season to transpire, last year’s Big Three draft picks– Reggie Bush, Vince Young and Matt Leinart -- have stepped up and emerged as top-tier rookies in the NFL. All of them came along with huge expectations, but as anyone with any knowledge of the concept of potential vs. reality can tell you, just because you did well playing college football doesn’t mean you’ll make it in the NFL. As former coach Jerry Glanville once said, the NFL stands for “Not for long” if you can’t adapt to the speed and fierce competition of the Greatest Show on Turf. Just ask guys like Ryan Leaf, Brian Bosworth, Lawrence Phillips, and Andre Ware, just to name a few. First there’s Reggie Bush, the player that the Houston Texans didn’t covet. Not only has Bush brought a new excitement to the New Orleans Saints – he’s also done everything he could to embrace a city that really needs him. He’s selflessly donated his time and money to help the state that was ravaged by Hurricane Katrina. He gave a local high school a new football field, and has tirelessly made himself available to help the city heal. If his performances against the 49ers and the Cowboys over the past couple weeks are any indication of what Bush is capable of doing in this league -- well, we’re in for a lot of exciting moments. Vince Young, who many NFL teams passed on, has also come into his own, putting the Tennessee Titans on his back and carrying them through a modest winning streak. A one-man show, Young is learning the game more quickly than many people thought he could. The rap on him during last year’s draft was that the man wasn’t that smart. Well, he’s bright enough to win games, and at this level, that’s all that really matters. The man can throw, he can run and he has a football instinct you can’t teach. With the Titans’ recent winning binge, he may have also saved Head Coach Jeff Fischer’s job. Leinart may not be able to save Dennis Green’s job as coach of the Cardinals, but he sure is on his way to making a name for himself in Arizona. It’s “I told you so” time for all the teams who passed on him. Leinart is a prototype QB with all the skills required to take Arizona to the Promised Land. He makes quick decisions, has learned to read the complex defensive schemes in the NFL, and is improving every quarter. Last week, Arizona beat the Seattle Seahawks, the caliber of team that in the past they had no clue against. With a new stadium and young talent throughout their roster, the Cardinals are chirping about next year already. Bush, Young and Leinart – they should have been selected 1-2-3. They’re doing it for their teams, the ones who were smart enough to pick them, while those clubs who passed on this talented and rapidly improving trio are left crying in their beers.