I Hate Wimpy Coaches!

Why do some NFL coaches play it so conservatively? Why does it seem like these guys are playing not to lose badly as opposed to being in it to win it? What’s the difference between losing by 20 points or losing by a single point? Both still end up in the “L” column. I saw two calls yesterday that I thought were so weak. If you don’t show any confidence in your team, than who will? In both cases, teams had a chance to either tie games or put them away late in the game and instead opted for easy field goals. The first one happened in the Rams-49ers game. The Niners were leading 14-13 with 3:54 left and were looking at a 4th and 1 deep in Ram’s territory. A touchdown in this situation would have put them ahead by 8. You could have even gone for the 2-point conversion after scoring the TD in that situation to take a 9-point lead and put the game completely out of reach. Instead of going for it, 49er coach Mike Nolan decided to let Joe Nedney kick a 24-yard field goal, which gave Ram QB Mark Bulger more than enough time to take his offense all the way down the field for the winning touchdown. The 49ers were running through the Ram’s defense with ease all game long, and then at the very end Nolan loses his juevos and it costs him the game. Pathetic. The other instance of a coach wimping out occurred in the Bears-Patriots game. With the score at 17-10 with 3:36 left, the Bears had a 4th and 6 at New England’s 14-yard line. Instead of going for the touchdown, Bear’s coach Lovie Smith decides to let Robbie Gould kick a 32-yard field goal. What the hell good is that? You need a touchdown to tie, not a field goal. What Lovie Smith was telling his offense (and more specifically his QB Rex Grossman) was that he had a lot more confidence in his defense than he did in his offense. What a great way to build team morale! What a joke! What ended up happening is that by the time Chicago got the ball back, it was a desperate situation, and Grossman threw another interception. The man’s confidence, if he had any, was broken and I don’t blame him. Lovie Smith showed no guts and deserved to lose. I hate it when coaches play that conservative game. Get out there are roll the dice and go for the decisive win rather than try to avoid looking bad. You’re paid to win, and sometimes that means taking chances!

My Mensch of the Month: Kathy Griffin

(I know I've been doing a "Douche Bag of the Month" column, so now, to be fair, I am going to recognize people who do good things or are talented in their own right. I am calling it "My Mensch of the Month.")

I hate to say it, but there aren't many female comics that I like out there. Gretchen Rootes, Carla Clayy are a couple of local SF ones that I think are funny. Ellen DeGeneres is okay and I love Margaret Cho. But, overall, I find female comics to be pretty predictable and not cutting edge enough. Very few of them take chances. I'm tired of hearing jokes about women's periods, hairstyles and shopping, because, frankly -- I can't relate. But, one female comic who totally stands out is Kathy Griffin. She's the best! Maybe you've seen her when she was on NBC's "Suddenly Susan," as Vickie Groener, Brooke Shields' annoying and acerbic colleague. She also did a lot of guest starring roles on "Seinfeld" and "ER."

She has a bunch of HBO specials and recently did a very funny reality show called "My Life on the D-List" on Bravo. What I like about her stand-up act is that she makes fun of and blasts celebrities, who, in my opinion, deserve it. And she doesn't do jokes, she tells stories. Very funny, extremely irreverent stories. She bascially doesn't care if you like what she says or not. I really have a lot of respect for her in that regard. She's also a HUGE supporter of Toys for Tots, she does a TON of charity work and she went to Iraq to perform for the troops (see photo). How many comics did you hear about doing that? Hats off to Kathy Griffin! She's My Mensch of the Month!

The British Grocery in SF: It's Brilliant, By Jove!

There is a wonderful store in San Francisco's Portero District that sells British food and other items from England. Established by Evelyn Alexander in 1969, the British Grocery offers everything British -- from frozen food to pharmaceuticals to chinaware, serving items, imports and collectibles. Patrick Alexander and his daughter Simone run the place, and are both very helpful and informed on everything English. The busiest time of year for the British Grocery is Christmas, when Brits in the Bay Area and throughout North America yearn for all the great traditional items -- like Christmas puddings, mince pies, boxed chocolates, English tins and toffees, teas, Devon cream, and gift pack assortments. As they like to say in Britain, "This place is brilliant!" There are a lot of people from Britain in the Bay Area (someone told me 70,000, but don't quote me) and the British Grocery offers them all the things they know and love from the Mother Country. Although I am not British myself (1/2 Italian and 1/2 Irish) I truly appreciate a lot of the culture's food and drink, especially the chocolates, which I'm not supposed to eat. One of my favorite traditions at Christmas revolves around the British cracker, which is 160-years-old and more popular than ever. Crackers are little tubes, festively wrapped, that pop when you pull the string that's attached. Inside you'll find Xmas decorations, jokes, little trinkets and all kinds of special items. They are just so frivolously fun that I never tire of them! Christmas puddings are also a lot of fun -- they aren't like the puddings we eat in this country -- they're more like cakes than puddings, really. They have one that's actually called "Spotted Dick" -- I'm not lying. But, they sure are delicious, especially with some Devon cream, which is thick, clotted cream that is marvelous atop anything sweet. The British Grocery is located at 726 15th Street off of Portrero Avenue. They're open Tuesday through Saturday, 10 am to 5:30 pm. Their phone number is: (415) 552-4399. They can ship you anything they sell anywhere in the world. To find out more about the British Grocery, visit their web site at: http://www.britshoppe.com/. Cheers!

Is Tomlinson the Best Running Back in NFL History?

LaDainian Tomlinson is sure making a case for being the elite running back of all time in the NFL. By scoring 100 touchdowns faster than anyone else, quicker than both Emmitt Smith and Jim Brown, he’s rapidly making an L.D. believer out of me.

He’s also rushed for at least 1,000 yards in every one of his six seasons in the league. Only Barry Sanders, Eric Dickerson, Curtis Martin and Corey Dillon can say that.

And the best thing about him is that he’s the “Anti-T.O.” – a self-effacing team player who is more concerned about winning than whining. People have described him as “dedicated,” “concerned”, “sincere,” “focused,” and “genuine.”

Chargers Coach Marty Shottenheimer has seen a lot of running backs in his day, and he says that there’s no doubt L.D. is the very best. I say the jury is still out on the subject – but not for very long. If Tomlinson can put together another 1-2 seasons at this level – the debate will be over, as far as I’m concerned.

I always thought Barry Sanders could have been the very best if he had stayed around a few more seasons, but the point will be moot in the very near future if L.D. keeps playing at this level. If he isn’t the MVP this year, I’ll eat Paris Hilton’s thong (with A-1, fava beans and a nice Chianti) on national television during halftime of the Super Bowl. That should get better ratings than Justin Timberlake disrobing Janet Jackson any day.

The Big Question in College Football: Ohio State vs. Who?

(First off, I'd like to take a Turkey Day opportunity to thank everyone who has been reading his blog. When I first started it, I was getting an average of 20 hits per day. Now I'm getting more than 150 per day. Thanks for reading and I hope to keep entertaining you throughout the holidays!)

Who should Ohio State play in the BCS Championship?

In early January, when the undefeated Buckeyes of Ohio State go for the BCS title, who should be their opponent? Michigan? USC? Notre Dame? Arkansas? Florida? How about Wisconsin? And don’t forget the only other undefeated team in NCAA D-1 Football – Mighty Boise State! It’s the $60 million question, because that’s how much it can mean to a college football program and the university as a whole. The people who are saying Michigan should be there at the end must be smoking a volatile mixture of crack, Froot Loops and Wolverine feces. There is NO WAY that the BCS should be a rematch of the game we saw last Saturday. The bottom line is: If you don’t win your conference, you don’t deserve to be in the final. Michigan got the benefit of 3 gift fumbles in that game, but they couldn’t capitalize. They had their shot at the big one and they blew it. So, the question is: Who should go? If USC wins its last two games convincingly, I say they should get the shot. Notre Dame shouldn’t be mentioned at all, even if they beat the Trojans, because Michigan stomped them and their schedule is easier than North Dakota State’s. Instead of the Fighting Irish, they should be re-named the Bitch-Slapping Irish for their weak and inconsistent play this year. Whichever team comes out on top between Florida and Arkansas should also be entitled some consideration. But, to say that Michigan should be in it is a disgrace. There’s a secret hidden chipset in the BCS computer that quantifies wealthy and influential alumni. And that is the ONLY reason anyone is talking about the Wolverines and the BCS Championship game in the same breath right now.
To read all of my sports opinion pieces, you can visit: www.fantasymoneyball.com.

Viv Savage: Musical Legend & Genius!

(Viv Savage, the former keyboard player for the legendary heavy metal band Spinal Tap will be performing with Chubby's All-Stars on December 3rd at the Yuletide Yuckfest at Rooster T. Feathers in Sunnyvale. It should be a wonderful evening of music, comedy and fun, with all the proceeds going to Toys 4 Tots. Here is a recent interview with Viv:)

Hello, is this Viv Savage?Yes, this is Viv.
So you are alive, then? The guys in Spinal Tap claim that Viv is actually dead.No, no, I'm alive and extremely well. I'm taking a sort of Tap sabbatical. I had a great gig with the Guttersluts recently at the Cactus Club in San Jose, where my friends started a Save Viv movement. We've got 150 signatures so far, and I'm Xeroxing some more sheets — we're hoping this could turn into quite a pesky little monster.
They say you're actually an impostor, making a lot of money as The Viv Savage Experience.Well, that story would be convenient for them, but reality speaks its own language.
Have you got a new band?Yes, I'm doing occasional gigs with the Guttersluts, and I'll probably be producing their next record. I'm also involved with the Model Citizenz, who play some excellent originals and some covers. We've been playing around the East Bay, polishing our chops, so look for us to be getting together something soon. Also, I've been a producer at S.F. Beat Studios, with Michael Ingram. Have you ever met Michael Ingram?
I don't know who he is. If you met him you'd remember him the rest of your life. He's a fantastic person. He's been my songwriting partner since the early Seventies, and—
Have you guys written any songs I might have heard?Not really, but we have a lot of songs out on demos that are making the rounds. There's a female rapper with a single of ours at three L.A. record companies right now.
Does Spinal Tap know about the Save Viv movement? I don't know. It's possible — I did a public service announcement for H.E.A.R., and we called Spinal Tap's management to get approval. But there seems to be some legal problem.
Any hard feelings towards Tap? No, no hard feelings at all. I had such a great time with them, I'm just hoping they might consider me coming back. I'll keep plugging away, barnstorming with my various musical projects.
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This Week's Restaurant Review: Hawg's in Campbell

I’ve been to Hawg’s in Campbell over 300 times, and I must tell you I have never had a bad or even a so-so meal there. Nor have I seen anyone ever send anything back to the kitchen or really ever complain about the food or the service. I’m sure it’s happened, because some people are never happy. I was at a restaurant the other night, and I overheard some woman bitching to the waiter. She said, “I expected this dish to taste one way, but it doesn’t taste like I expected.” Oh so, the restaurant has to take it back because you had unrealistic expectations? That’s so ridiculous. That’s like someone saying, “I ordered meat loaf but I was expecting it to taste like filet mignon.” Or “ I ordered crab and wanted it to taste like lobster.” Give me a break! That’s why I would never want to own a restaurant. People can be so difficult when they eat out. Their attitude is “serve me like the royalty I wish I was.” They get a sense of power by treating waiters and restaurant personnel like crap because their own lives are so mundane and meaningless. Hawg’s has consistently fresh, well-prepared seafood and other dishes that are always delicious. The place has the ambiance of a real marina cafe. A bar with high wooden stools encircles an open kitchen of gleaming stainless steel. Miniature bottles of red Tabasco sauce highlight the white counter. The high ceiling, smartly emphasized by spotlights and potted plants, makes the place look bigger than its 10-table capacity. The menu is vast and eclectic, featuring something sure to tempt every palate, but if you’re in the mood for a steak, you’re in the wrong spot. Hawg’s Seafood Bar is all about stuff from the sea, and they serve up generous portions of outstanding continental seafood dishes. From appetizers to desserts, you can't go wrong with anything from the Hawg’s menu. First, the appetizers are in a class by themselves. I have a few particular favorites, including the Seafood Quesadilla ($9.95), a wonderful combination of shrimp and crab with melted cheeses nestled in a corn tortilla. I also covet the Cheesy Garlic Bread ($4.95), which is so caloric and decadent that you can literally feel your ass getting bigger while you’re eating it, but who cares? The Sashimi Ahi ($12.95), the Hawg's Calamari ($9.95) and the Baked Oysters Asiago ($12.95) are all incredible. Sometimes when I go to Hawg’s with a group of friends, we just order appetizers and don’t even get to the entrees. They’re all that good! One thing I have to mention is Hawg’s “Newhattan” Clam Chowder ($3.95/cup or $5.95/bowl). I have had a lot of different clam chowders in my day, but this chowder is by far the best that has ever crossed my palate. They call it “Newhattan” because it’s a combination of both geographic chowders. It has a cream base with a hint of tomato; chock full of big juicy clams, carrots and small bits of potato. They also put some spices in there, and even though I’ve tried to figure out what they are – the boys at Hawg’s (Steve and David or Scott ) aren’t giving up the secret. The entrees at Hawg’s are incredible as well. I recommend the Paella Valenciana ($16.95) with roasted chicken, rock shrimp, sausage, clams, mussels, and fresh fish over saffron rice. The Fresh Grilled Salmon ($17.95) served with a creamy potato-corn sauté and yellow pear tomato and wasabi sauce, and the Cajun Pasta ($17.95) with sautéed prawns and scallops, and fresh tomatoes in a creamy Cajun sauce over linguine is also a treat. I would also suggest that any time you go to Hawg’s that you ask about the daily specials. The chefs there (Roberto in particular – ask him about his awesome Chorizo dish!) really do most of their most inventive work with the specials. Hawg’s in Campbell (and with a second location in Downtown San Jose) is a special seafood paradise with great food and really personal service. I love this place. I’ve recommended it to over 100 people over the years, and ALL of them are now regulars there. That has to tell you something!! Hawg’s in Campbell is located at the corner of Campbell Avenue and San Tomas Aquino Road in the Kirkwood Shopping Center. For large parties, you’ll need to make reservations, so call them at: (408) 379-9555.

The Search for Nicole's Killer Continues

(They are pulling OJ's pseudo confession off the air. It turned out to be just too offensive. OJ is hurting so bad because even though the man has no heart -- he still has a soul, I guess. I heard a rumor a long time ago that Simpson actually confessed to Rosey Grier a few years back. And now that he can't be tried again, it must be tempting for him to come clean. It's so obvious that he did it that he should just really tell the story, get the $$ and give it to his kids and the other victims. But, not yet -- not this week or any time soon. OJ is off the air and that's that.)

The OJ Simpson show will not be televised. A dozen Fox affiliates had already said they would not air the two-part sweeps month special, planned for next week before the Nov. 30 publication of the book by ReganBooks. The publishing house is a HarperCollins imprint owned — like the Fox network — by News Corp.
In both the book and show, Simpson speaks in hypothetical terms about how he would have committed the 1994 slayings of his ex-wife Nicole and her friend Goldman.
Relatives of the victims have lashed out at the now scuttled publication and broadcast plans.
"He destroyed my son and took from my family Ron's future and life. And for that I'll hate him always and find him despicable," Fred Goldman told ABC last week.
The industry trade publication Broadcasting & Cable editorialized against the show Monday, saying "Fox should cancel this evil sweeps stunt."
One of the nation's largest superstore chains, Borders Group Inc., said last week it would donate any profits on the book to charity.
Simpson was acquitted in 1995 of murder in a case that became its own TV drama. The former football star and announcer was later found liable for the deaths in a wrongful death lawsuit filed by the Goldman family.
Judith Regan, publisher of "If I Did It," said she considered the book to be Simpson's confession.
(Judith Regan is one step above a prostitute, but just barely.) The television special was to air on two of the final three nights of the November sweeps, when ratings are watched closely to set local advertising rates. It has been a particularly tough fall for Fox, which has seen none of its new shows catch on and is waiting for the January bows of "American Idol" and "24."
The closest precedent for such an about-face came when CBS yanked a miniseries about Ronald Reagan from its schedule in 2003 when complaints were raised about its accuracy.

Killer Seal in Aquatic Park

(I swim in Aquatic Park every week pretty much. The seal hasn't bothered me, probably because he thinks I'm a bigger seal or a baby whale.)

CBS 5 / AP) SAN FRANCISCO San Francisco's Aquatic Park Lagoon remained closed for swimming Thursday due to reports of a sea lion repeatedly biting local swimmers, maritime officials said.Officials estimated at least 20 swimmers were bitten since Monday, including 13 on Wednesday alone at the Lagoon, which hosts two swimming and rowing clubs and is a favorite spot for swimming along San Francisco’s northern waterfront.No one serious injuries were reported. City health officials aren't recommending rabies shots, but victims were advised by the Marine Mammal Center to take antibiotics to ward off infection.The very first incident involved a woman who was bitten by a sea lion while swimming in the Bay around 4 pm Monday. Celeste McMullin said she saw the animal lurking nearby before her swim but didn't think much of it.Web Extra: Unedited Interview With Swimmer Bitten By Sea Lion"I was a quarter-mile out swimming along, felt a brush under my feet, and I think, 'These feel like whiskers,' " said Celeste McMullin. "I realized it was an animal. So I stopped, and he popped up and looked at me."McMullin then tried to swim away, but the sea lion "followed me the whole time, bumping me and nipping" continuously until she made it back to shore. She ended up with six bites - two puncture wounds and four cuts - and was advised to go to the hospital to have the wounds cleaned.Original reports had the woman bitten by a harbor seal. But a spokesman for the Marine Mammal Center said the attacker most likely was a sea lion, because they are more aggressive than seals.Since that attack, "the park has received reports of multiple bite incidents in the last two days," said spokesman John Cunnane. "For the time being we're advising people to stay out of the water until further notice, until we find out more about it."Omer Thompson believes the animal he saw was a harbor seal that looked like it was playing in the Bay."He was leaping over the top of people's feet, swimming really fast, and coming clear out of the water like a dolphin comes out of the water," Thompson said. "As soon as somebody would come back in the water, it would take off and play with somebody else."Don Reid, a 30-year Dolphin Club member, got a chunk taken out of him Wednesday while swimming in the bay."(The sea lion) attacked and bit me on my left calf, and it drew blood," he told CBS 5 while on his way to see a doctor.Lou Marcelli said he was brushed by a claw before he could get bit, but even that left a nasty bruise."I get half way back to the dock, and I feel something," he explained to CBS 5. "I don't know what the hell it was. It felt slimy. So I just kept going. As I got to the end of the dock, the lady from next door said, 'You better get out of there, because there's a sea lion right after you.' "The Acquatic Park staff are working with other agencies to identify the sea lion and determine the reason for the animal's behavior. Longtime swimmers said they believe it's a sick sea lion who has become aggressive.Biologists suspect the rogue sea lion is either protecting his harem of mates, or has suffered some sort of brain damage from toxic algae.Marine Mammal Center veterinarian Frances Gulland said the animal may soon leave the area and advised swimmers to avoid the Lagoon in the meantime."The migration has started, and the animals are moving north to Washington state and Oregon," she said.

The Two Bigs Ones: My Pix

If you’re a college football fan and you’re not excited about today’s two big games, then you must be in a coma. This is what the college football season is all about, baby! With an hour to go until kickoff, I’m making my picks. Here’s how I see it:

MICHIGAN at OHIO STATE

Identical records (11-0, 7-0). The drama surrounding the death of Michigan coaching legend Bo Schembechler. Heisman hopeful Ohio State QB Troy Smith. Jim Tressel vs. Lloyd Carr. And the fact that the winner gets a ticket to Arizona for the BCS Championship Game. They’re so many different things going on in this game that it’s hard to keep track of them all. The last time a Number 1 team played a Number 2 team was seven years ago, when #2 Florida State beat #1 Florida, 24-21.

Here’s what’s going to happen:
Both teams will play tough, stingy defense, until the second half, when special teams and a major turnover will result in two scores for Ohio State. The huge crowd and the unrelenting emotion will prove too much for the Wolverines. Michigan will make a gallant comeback, but it will fall short. Troy Smith will have a mediocre game, and the Buckeyes will shut down Michigan RB Mike Hart.

FINAL SCORE: OHIO STATE: 20 MICHIGAN: 16

(After game comments: Well, I guess I blew that one. although I was pretty close on the margin of victory. Whatever happened to defense? This looked like an arena game!)

CAL at USC

This could have been just as big a game, except Cal lost to Arizona and USC lost to Oregon State. Even though both teams have losses, it’s still a huge contest in relation to the Rose Bowl and the BCS. Cal hasn’t been able to get by the Trojans in the past, and this is probably the closest they will come. USC is ranked fourth and Cal is 17th, but you can throw the rankings out the window because these two schools don’t like each other.
Pete Carroll is a great coach, but his team and his QB John David Booty, have been inconsistent all season. Cal has the offensive power with QB Nathan Longshore and RB Marshawn Lynch.

Here’s what’s going to happen:
USC will crush the Bears. Cal just doesn’t have enough big game experience. The Cal defense will get run over by Southern Cal’s enormous offensive line and USC RB Chauncey Washington will look like the reincarnation of Reggie Bush. John David Booty will pick apart Cal’s secondary all day (and into the night) and USC’s defense will make Longshore wish he was watching the game on TV instead of actually being there.

FINAL SCORE: USC: 31 CAL 13

(After game comments: You have to admit, I hit that one pretty much right on the head!)